5.10.10

5TH ANNUAL "SCARE THE BEJEEBUS OUTTA ORANGEMOJOJO" CONTEST!

This blog has been dead for OVER A YEAR. I have resurrected it for this very important annual event:




THE FIFTH ANNUAL "SCARE THE BEJEEBUS OUTTA ORANGE MOJOJO" CONTEST!!!



The time from, say my birthday (mid-August) through early November is, in my mind, the Halloween Season. And we're in the thick of it RIGHT NOW!!




I've always loved Halloween, and all things horrific and terrifying. All places have their ghost stories, but Chicago is unique. Just like everywhere else.



We have John Dillinger running for eternity outside the Biograph. We have the legend of Al Capone and his mob. Resurrection Mary. The devil baby of Hull House. Clarence Darrow walking and pondering and pondering and walking behind the Museum of Science and Industry. We have Batchelor's Grove and Cuba Road. We have haunted restaurants that may not be haunted anynmore becaues the new owners went and gutted them then reopened as yuppie joynts (NOT THAT I'M BITTER, YUPPIE TEQUILA BAR!!!), and we have urban legends about gang members following you home from the gas station if you flash your headlights at them to alert them that they're driving with their lights off. We have Cabrini Green, the Robert Taylor Homes and the Henry Horner Homes. We have the Candyman. We have the abandoned slaughterhouses.

And I. Want. More.

SO! Send me your suggestions for the scariest books and stories you've ever written. It doesn't have to be fiction. It doesn't have to be horror in the classic sense. I just want a book to read on Halloween that will worm it's way into my brain, causing me to lose sleep until Thanksgiving.




I HAVE been reading on my own, a story a day in fact, since late September.



But it's SO much more fun when PRIZES are involved! Whomever sends me the scariest suggestion will be sent a treat.

And for those of you on FaceBook - I'll be shipping out smaller treats just for guessing where the quote came from - one a day. No Googling!! I'll know if you've cheated with the help of my familiar, Earl:



The last four winners were:

House of Leaves - Mark Danielewski (Hemlighet Forfattaren)
In Cold Blood - Truman Capote (Kelly)
The Exorcist - William Peter Blatty (Papa Schu)
The Sineater - Elizabeth Massey (Nepi)

Suggestions thus far (the list gets shorter every year!! HELP!!):

The Watcher - Charles MacLean (Nepi)
The Passage - Justin Cronin (Papa Schu)
Vigil - Robert Masello (Shannon)

The Fall - Guillermo del Toro (Werewolf Boy)
Going Rogue - Sarah Palin (Shivvs)
Waste Land: The Savage Odyssey of Charles Starkweather and Caril Ann Fugate
- Mike Newton (Nickname TBD); "or the Book of Revelations."
The Black Dagger Brotherhood
series - JR Ward (NikkiM)
"The End of the Party" - Graham Greene (Anonymous)
I Am the Cheese - Robert Cormier (ThunderKitten)
The Boss - Mike Royko (Mash)


OrangeMoJoJo's List of Banned ('cuz I've read 'em) Books:

Anything by Laurell Hamilton
Anything by Thomas Harris
Anything by Nathanial Hawthorne
Anything by Stephen King
Anything by Dean Koontz
Anything by HP Lovecraft
Anything by Robert McCammon
Anything by Edgar Allen Poe
Anything by Anne Rice

American Gods - Neil Gaiman
The Amityville Horror by Jay Anson
Battle Royale - Koushun Takami
Blindness - Jose Saramego
Blood Meridian - Cormac McCarthy
Brave New World - Adolf Huxley
"Carmilla" - LeFanu
Carrion Comfort - Dan Simmons
"The Casting of the Runes" - MR James
The Castle of Otranto - Horace Walpole
The Company of Liars - Karen Maitland
"Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde" - Robert Louis Stevenson
Dracula - Bram Stroker
Dracula, The Undead - Dacre Stoker and Ian Holt
The Exorcist - William Peter Blatty
The Family - Ed Sanders
Frankenstein - Mary Shelley
Ghost Story - Peter Straub
Good Omens - Neil Gaiman
The Graveyard Book - Neil Gaiman
Harvest Home - Thomas Tryon
Haunted - Chuck Palahniuk
Helter Skelter - Vincent Bugliosi and Curt Gentry
The Hot Zone - Robert Preston
House of Leaves - Mark Danielewski
The House on Haunted Hill - Shirley Jackson
The Housing Boom and Bust - Thomas Sowell
In Cold Blood - Truman Capote
Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
The Keep - Paul Wilson
Kraken - China Mieville
The Last Coin - James P. Blaylock
"Miriam" - Truman Capote
The Monk - Matthew Lewis
"The Monkey's Paw" by W.W. Jacobs
The Moonstone - Wilke Collins
Necroscope - Brian Lumley
The Omen by David Seltzer
The Other - Thomas Tryon
The Owl Killers - Karen Maitland
Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier
The Road - Cormac McCarthy
Rosemary's Baby by Ira Levin
The Ruins by Scott Smith
Seven Gothic Tales by Isak Dineson
Shadowland by Peter Straub
Sineater - Elizabeth Massey
Something Wicked This Way Comes - Ray Bradbury
The Song of Kali - Dan Simmons
The Strain - Guillermo del Toro
Swan Song - Robert McCammon
The Terror - Dan Simmons
The Trial - Franz Kafka
The Turn of the Screw - Henry James
Twilight - Stephanie Meyer (don't get me started.)
Vathek - William Beckford
Weiland - Charles Brockden Brown
The Woman in White - Wilke Collins
World War Z - Max Brooks
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

19.10.09

The Fourth Annual "Scare the Bejeebus Outta OrangeMoJoJo Contest"

"I have, indeed, no abhorrence of danger, except in its absolute effect - in terror."
-Edgar Allen Poe


HELL-OOOOOOOO-ooooooooooo??? I know it's been a while. Are you still there?


I'm sorry it's been so long. I've been a little tied up lately.



I'm really sorry to have left you hanging,



but you know I couldn't stay silent for long -


Add ImageESPECIALLY now that it's so close to Halloween!

I considered punishing all who doubted my return, but I chose to be merciful in making an example of only one of you. Don't make me come at you through your computer screen again, Rev.

Pic of Rev after I attacked him through his computer screen while he was typing in snarky comments about my "cobwebby blog."


I know this is getting more and more difficult every year, because few of you share my love of horror,



the macabre,


the wonderfully weird;



that delicious feeling of ice in your gut that bleeds to your bone marrow,



and turns your legs to stone.



This year I've come up with an extra-special treat for the winner of my little contest. Considering the length of my list (see bottom, erm, nearly the whole bottom half of this post, really), it's seriously amazing I get any response at all.



Well-written horror is thin on the ground, and I've read a lot of it.



A lot, but not all.

If there's a book out there or a story that I've missed, please let me know. Halloween is only a couple of weeks away and it's on a SATURDAY! Which means I'll get to stay up late. Really really late.



Hopefully scared ****less because of a book YOU recommended!

It's my thang.

If you send me the scariest title, I will send you a treat. And the book does not have to be classic horror. I mean, I love a well-written vampire-zombie chiller, but if you found a true crime story, a mystery/thriller - even a book by a Bronte (Wuthering Heights was a good suggestion, Mu!) - to be unnerving, that totally counts.

The last three winners were:

House of Leaves - Mark Danielewski (Hemlighet Forfattaren)
In Cold Blood - Truman Capote (Kelly)
The Exorcist - William Peter Blatty (Papa Schu)

Suggestions thus far:

Something Wicked This Way Comes - Ray Bradbury (Eevam)
The Owl Killers - Karen Maitland (Momster)
Brave New World - Adolf Huxley (Mere)
The Housing Boom and Bust - Thomas Sowell (DRoll)
Harvest Home - Thomas Tryon (Uncle George)
The Hot Zone - Robert Preston (Liz)
The Witching Hour - Anne Rice (Beth)
Sineater - Elizabeth Massey (Nepi)
Haunted - Chuck Palahniuk (Paul I)
The Vampire Lestat - Anne Rice (Aunt Sandy)
Carrion Comfort - Dan Simmons (Shannon)
Blindness - Jose Saramego (Evan)
Dracula, The Undead - Dacre Stoker and Ian Holt (Werewolf Boy)


OrangeMoJoJo's List of Banned ('cuz I've read 'em) Books:

Anything by Laurell Hamilton
Anything by Thomas Harris
Anything by Nathanial Hawthorne
Anything by Stephen King
Anything by Dean Koontz
Anything by HP Lovecraft
Anything by Robert McCammon
Anything by Edgar Allen Poe
Anything by Anne Rice

American Gods - Neil Gaiman
The Amityville Horror
by Jay Anson
Battle Royale - Koushun Takami
Blood Meridian - Cormac McCarthy
"The Casting of the Runes" - MR James
The Castle of Otranto - Horace Walpole
The Company of Liars - Karen Maitland
"Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde" - Robert Louis Stevenson
Dracula - Bram Stroker
The Exorcist - William Peter Blatty
The Family - Ed Sanders
Frankenstein - Mary Shelley
Ghost Story - Peter Straub
Good Omens - Neil Gaiman
The Graveyard Book - Neil Gaiman
Helter Skelter - Vincent Bugliosi and Curt Gentry
House of Leaves - Mark Danielewski
The House on Haunted Hill - Shirley Jackson
In Cold Blood - Truman Capote
Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
The Keep - Paul Wilson
The Last Coin - James P. Blaylock
"Miriam" - Truman Capote
The Monk - Matthew Lewis
"The Monkey's Paw" by W.W. Jacobs
The Moonstone - Wilke Collins
Necroscope - Brian Lumley
The Omen by David Seltzer
The Other - Thomas Tryon
Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier
The Road - Cormac McCarthy
Rosemary's Baby by Ira Levin
The Ruins by Scott Smith
Seven Gothic Tales by Isak Dineson
Shadowland by Peter Straub
The Song of Kali - Dan Simmons
Swan Song - Robert McCammon
The Terror - Dan Simmons
The Trial - Franz Kafka
The Turn of the Screw - Henry James
Twilight - - Stephanie Meyer
Vathek - William Beckford
Weiland - Charles Brockden Brown
The Woman in White - Wilke Collins
World War Z - Max Brooks
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

28.8.09

Dude, The Fireys are BACK!


Remember the Fireys? Those playful muppets from the movie Labyrinth who wanted to play catch with Sarah's head? God, I wish they'd succeeded. She was an annoy-ING whiner-butt! Anyhoo, they sang a song called "Chilly Down" while they flew their heads around by their flappy ears. Here's the clip:



Now listen to this song called "Zoomba" by a band SUPPOSEDLY called the Starlight Mints and TELL me this isn't the Fireys reunited. Maybe they lost the rights to their original name or something. Maybe the original drummer, Firey 5*, refused to agree to join the band or sell the rights to the name to the other 4 members, Firey 1, Firey 2, Firey 3, and Firey 4 because he (or she - never really knew the sex of those things) was still totally bitter over some incident where they were goofing off and they threw his head too far and it landed in The Bog of Stench and got stuck there in the muck and he had to listen to that other uber-annoying character, Sir Didymus, yammer on and on and on and ON for DAYS before he was finally able roll himself out by the use of sheer will and ear-power, only to find his so-called "friends" had totally not even NOTICED he was gone because they were too busy trying eachothers heads on his body and laughing insanely EVERY SINGLE TIME because that shit just never gets old.

Dude, it's EERIE - the exact same thing that happened to the Doors, but without the Bog or the dog or the rolling one's head like a log.

(I do love Fridays!)

*Why incidentally, were there three Firey 5s? Was this some kind of Spinal Tap exploding drummer situation? I would imagine any band member would be in danger, really, not just the drummer. They all did tend to get a bit wild.

27.8.09

Best Food Blog EVER

Luxirare.com. This is not food porn, it's food performance art.



Food is turned into pieces of art by a guy dressed in white down to his snazzy platform shoes.


Somehow he pulls off matching a white belt to a pair of white shoes without invoking Herb Tarlek.

I don't know why I read the text of this blog with a German accent? I mean, in my head, of course. I keep thinking of "Sprockets," but this blog is white on white whereas Dieter was more black on black:

Watching that "Sprockets" clip made me as happy as a little girl!

It's Official:

I no longer resemble Sandra Bullock.


So when you see her from now on, I ask that you don't think of me. This is how I want to be remembered:



Because unless I've had one to many glasses of Pinot at a mardi-gras-themed restaurant and I lose a bet, I'll never wear something with a top where they've pinned different colored napkins or other sundry table linens to my boobs.

Or satin, for that matter.

Or those shoes.

Unless they're really comfy.

And then I'll only wear them with jeans.

18.8.09

I Didn't Realize They Allowed Anime Comics

...to participate in America's Next Top Model? The contestant on the right proves me wrong.

Hey! Look Who's Back!

Again.

He's done the pendulum swing, going from a legend who commanded respect - especially from the Bears - to the butt-end of jokes made by the Bears.

Dude! Get a hobby!!