No, no! Just one more call! I can handle it, I swear! *hic!*

My husband informed me upon my return home from work Friday that he will no longer talk to me on my cell phone while I drove home from work thanks to a tiny study done at the U of Utah.

The 40 participants were put through driving simulations 4 times: sober, w/out mobile phone, sober w/mobile phone, sober w/mobile phone via earpiece, and drunk (0.08 BAL) on vodka and OJ. The cell phone users, driving with or without hands-free headset - performed as poorly as the drunk subjects.

My promise to actually charge my Jabra before tossing it in my car - and my promise to actually use it - fell on deaf ears. My argument that I actually drove more slowly when on my mobile was a bit more persuasive as I tend to be pretty aggressive when I drive alone. I take on the persona of Inconsiderate Bastard Driver Gadfly. God help the SUV driving soccer mom who cuts me off on the Edens - I will track her down and follow her too closely for miles, coldly glaring at her from behind my orange-mirrored Oakleys until I can see the beads of sweat form on her brown in her rearview mirror. Or the 20-something testosterone drenched Camaro driving boy who tries to pass me on the shoulder, so help me I'll see him in the ditch before he gets ahead of ME!

Unless I'm on my cell phone.

I don't even clench my teeth when SUV Soccer Mom and Camaro Boy are jockeying for position 1/8 inch in front of my grill. I slow down, maybe move into the next lane to give them more space to resolve who's got the more bitchin' alpha engine while calmly discussing with my friend that "it certainly IS wrong that too-low-rise jeans, the ones that show off one's hip bones, only look good on girls under 18 or models who look like they're under 18! I mean, my GOD! What kind of message is that sending??? And what kind of perv is checking them out?? Thank GOD I don't have a daughter! I'll wait until the MuMu and baggy shirts are the hot styles for fall before considering having kids, blahblahblah orange...."

Anyway, my Jabra's charged, I'll just have to wait and see if he'll pick up. If not, beware the green Honda when you're driving erratically on the Edens...


Shannon said...

No worries, Honey. We Riordan males are well-known for our ability to assess things on a individual basis, look at the evidence, and make judicial exceptions to general policy where warranted.


Rev Transit said...

Yep. That happens about as often as I eat an expensive dinner without drinking alcohol.

It sounds to me that what Shannon is saying is that JoJo should use her own judgment about this cell phone while driving thing. And Shannon will use his own judgment, too, which is why he won't talk to her.

evandebacle said...

It may be years before we fully appreciate the implications of this study on the Drunk Dialers of this world.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.