26.7.06

Unlikely "Goblet" found!

Last month the Rev stated his belief that somewhere, unrealized, there exists a Vessel that Never Empties. We all speculated it's form and content. Some thought it was a goblet or a jewel-encrusted chalice, some a sippy cup, some a Super Big Gulp from 7-11, maybe a German beer stein. Whatever the form, this vessel remained full of whatever nectar the one holding it most enjoyed. For me it would be either Guinness or a Ben and Jerry's Black and Tan Ice Cream and espresso shake.

My hopes and dreams of finding this container were dashed this week as I realized - I have it! I have had it for what seems like 700 years, though it's only been a couple of months. I unwittingly bought the vessel at Whole Foods and its contents have not depleted in the least since doing so although I've been ingesting them regularly.

Thinking it would be a good idea to have healthy snacks at work that would keep me away from the constantly replenishing junk food that magically appears in both kitchens at my job, I purchased two boxes of meal bars. I was delighted when I found Odwalla had food bars as I love their juices. I bought too kinds - the healthiest two I could find - knowing, just KNOWING, they'd be ultra-yummy.

They are not.

Now, despite the fact that I choke down one or two a day, both boxes remain full.

My dream of finding the Vessel the Never Empties has been realized, but the contents, oh the humanity! the contents are NOT Guinnessy goodness, either caffeinated and cool or room temperature and foamy. In fact either of these would seep through the cheap cardboard. I am doomed to live out my days choking down healthy food bars that taste like they're, well, healthy food bars.

5 comments:

Shannon said...

I'm no expert in the Vessel, of course, but it sounds like you've found some kind of anti-vessel! It remains ever full of the things you like least.

Enjoy an eternity of choking down sawdust covered in carob (or whatever these bars are made of)! I'm off to get a twix...

OrangeMoJoJo said...

"It remains ever full of the things you like least."

But, oh, the sheer insidiousness of the thing is I thought it was something I truly wanted! Beware! BEWARE WHAT YOU WISH FOR!

Rev Transit said...

I think you need to give these oh-so-nutritious bars to the man in the world you love most, the one who you're counting on to live a long and financially successful life.

Beware Das Gift.

OrangeMoJoJo said...

That's a great idea, Rev! I'll cut them in half lengthwise, coat them in chocolate, and wrap them in Twix wrappers (IS there a more attractive packaging??)

Shannon Riordan said...

The man she loves most would NEVER take such treasures from her! As a Catholic, she understands at a genetic level that suffering is good for her.

I'll live a looooong time considering all the preservatives that course in my blood. No "healthy" stuff needed...