10.8.06

ORANGE Alert! WOO-HOO!!!

(DAMN I'm behind on my posting! I think I'll be up to date after this one. )


This blog entry was inspired for you by terrorist rat bastards! And the ridiculous, inefficient, confusing response implemented to alert the public as to the level of threat we face hour by hour!


Is it wrong that I get excited when our terror level hits Level Orange? I think they should maybe rethink this stupid color bar terrorism level thing. Maybe use a number system instead. That way people like me won't be confused into thinking Terrorism Level: ORANGE is a good thing.

LEVEL 1 - NO THREAT.
LEVEL 2 - MISCHIEF MAY BE AFOOT - BE CAUTIOUS.
LEVEL 3 - STAY AWAY FROM ANY FORM OF TRANSPORT THAT INVOLVES ANY FORM OF FUEL.
LEVEL 4 - TRUST NO ONE.
LEVEL 5 - KISS YOUR SWEET ASS GOODBYE.
and, especially for SoaP fans:
LEVEL 6 - EVEN SAMUEL L. JACKSON IS POWERLESS TO SAVE YOU NOW.

All levels will be printed in orange to maintain a positive attitude and general feeling of well-being despite the level of threat.

Seriously, I swear this was HYSTERICAL when Shannon and I thought it up on what seemed like 2 hours sleep while waiting near LAX gate 45 for over 3 hours. We'd been warned to arrive 2-3 hours early as this occurred a mere 4 days after the
21 terrorist wannabes were rounded up at Heathrow. However, the ride was so quick we got there almost 4 hours early and then we practically flew through security even though LAX has the most stupidly arranged airport configuration imaginable (and the most unfortunately named, being named after the latter half of a powerful chocolate-flavored bowel-evacuator).



Someone beat me to writing an orange alert album, but, like Spinal Tap, I can still release an album with an orange cover - sans markings - name it whatever I want, and people will buy it by the truckload because the cover will be so awesome.

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