3.10.06

OrangeMoJoJo Loses "Stupidest Bet Ever!"

And not in a cool way, like, having been hypnotized by an evil magician at a carnival and forced to eat cotton candy, or abducted by aliens who had been studying Shannon so they believed that all humans ate nothing but chocolate so that's all they had on board the mothership for me to eat, or I was tempted by the most awesome dessert ever - one that only appeared once in a lifetime like Brigadoon, or even that I went to a restaurant for a committee dinner and we were locked in by the staff who turned out to be cult members who worshipped sweets so I had to eat a dessert to try and convince the busboys I was one of the cult members, too, or they'd sacrifice me and my committee to the dishwasher gods.

Oh no.

Shannon and I have been determined to eat healthier and get all fit. After trying for months to do it on our own, we decided to resort to the most effective method we've found so far:

We bet on it.

We'd bet that aside from our anniversary, neither of us could eat junk food for the month of September. The bet would have ended at midnight on Saturday, September 30th, but it ended almost EXACTLY 24 hours earlier. We'd already thrown in the towel and called it a draw - neither of us even WANTED junk food. Heck, I STILL don't and the bet's over!

Stupid Blogger. (That has nothing to do with the bet, just wanted to throw that in there again as I notice it's "not communicating with the outside world" again.)

Here's what happened: Shannon and I arrived at Eevam's in Michigan
just after midnight on the 29th. She was all ready to go to bed when we arrived. We said our goodnights, and started downstairs to the guest room. Shannon was on his way downstairs when this transpired.

"Jo! You have to try this!" she said, opening the freezer. "I bought it just for you. It is SOOOO good!"

"No thanks, Eevam! I can wait another day! I'll see you in the morning."

*opening container lid* "You can have a bowl full tomorrow, but you just HAVE to try it so you know what you're in for!"

"No, thanks, really! I'm sure it's wonderful, but I'll have the bowl full tomorrow."

*pulling out a spoon* "Just a taste. This is wonderful! It's cappuccino chocolate chunk ice cream and I bought it because I knew you'd love it."

"Oh, gee, really, that's really sweet of you, but it's only one more day..."

*drawing out a tiny tiny scoopful and handing it towards me* "Just a taste. Just have a taste and you can go to bed."

How on earth could I deny my mother-in-law a tiny tiny taste of ice cream that she'd bought 'specially for me?


This is NOT a picture of me tasting that tiny scoop of ice cream,
this is a reenactment, although I do look that bad some mornings.
I wanted to give you an idea of how tiny it really was.
Sad. So, so sad.


I had been prepared all month for Shannon's sneaky stealth tactics like baking me a burrito with chocolate inside, or bringing home my favorite treats from Dinkel's, but I couldn't say no to Eevam! I would have sworn they were in cahoots if she didn't feel so badly about it the next day. I have resisted the ever-full candy dish on the way to my office, desserts at LeFrancais, fried chicken, fried cheese, fried pakoras, potato chips, Dinkels - even the threat of losing my job for refusing to taste my boss's homemade apple cake (actual quote: "Jo, I MADE that cake, if you don't eat it you're fired!").

But I can't resist the mother-in-law. If she allies with Shannon I'm in a whole lotta hurt in future bets to come. Oh, yes - I'm certain there will be future bets. We have one going now as a matter of fact concerning the upcoming election! Shannon bet "reality and reason" and I bet "wishing and fantasy".


Actual picture of sample size of ice cream tasted. See it? It's right there...
Move the curser to just left of center...See it now? No? Know why?
Because it's invisible to the naked eye, that's why!!!

3 comments:

Rev Transit said...

Here's how I'd win a bet with Shannon.

1) I make a bet where the winner's payoff is something I can live with when I lose-- like "honor" or something.

2) If the bet is "no sweets for the month of September", I continue eating sweets on Sept 1, but never when around Shannon or anyone who would tell him.

3) On Sept 30, I tell him, "Oh I guess you win. I've been going to Dinkel's since Sept 1."

Shannon said...

The Rev mistakenly assumes I bet for things like "honor". Nope. I only bet when a) I have a pretty good sense that I can win and b) when the stakes are high enough to be interesting to me.

The more difficult the bet, the higher the stakes - in the case of "no sweets", the winner was gonna walk away with a couple hundred bucks worth of stuff.

I'd kick back a bit o' the winnings to Eevam (i.e. the Mother in Law who helped me win), but that might risk showing appreciation or affection.

Rev Transit said...

This was over a couple hundred bucks worth of stuff?

You and I both know that she's going to get her couple hundred bucks of stuff somehow someway, no matter what. "Honor" would have been more worthwhile. Then no matter what look she gave you, deadly or enticing, the most she could have gotten was an appearance of the return of her honor.

Now, let's talk about Eevam. We both know that anything appreciative you do for her over this would only make her feel all the worse. So, if you refuse to kick something back to her, that means you're really being kind, which is really a kickback when you think about it.

Frankly, this whole thing was very unfair to your wife, although it's taught her a valuable lesson: she needs to figure out some way to tell Eevam to go to hell whenever it's appropriate. A good husband would make this up to his wife by making Eevam feel worse, i.e. sharing some of his winnings with her.