Now I Don't Know WHO to Root For on Sunday!

On WXRT this morning my favorite DJ, Lin Brehmer, announced that in honor of the Superbowl, Indiana vs. Chicago; XRT would be hosting an Indiana/Chicago showdown of their own. Notice how it takes a WHOLE STATE to take on one widdow-biddy city? They don't say "Indianapolis," they say "Indiana." HA! You have no CHANCE PonyBoys! HAHAHAHA....Oh! Sorry! I was supposed to be pretending to be torn over the outcome of the Superbowl. Pretend you didn't read that.

The showdown XRT announced this morning?

The Smashing Pumpkins vs John Cougar Mellencamp.

The Smashing PUMPKINS??? To represent Chicago?!?!?!? Oh, God. Please kill me. Why couldn't it be Cheap Trick?? Or Off Broadway???? Or Enuff Z'Nuff????? Or The BLUUUUUUUuuuuuuues Brothers?????? Or maybe even, I don't know, Chicago???????

There isn't a band I loathe more than the Pumpkins. Truly. Even the fact that they have the word "pumpkin" in their name, a word connotative of ORANGE!!!, can NOT save them from being the absolutely freaking most overrated, godawful band that I've ever heard.

Let's see... how can I make this clear....

Every time I accidentally get distracted while driving by actually paying attention to the road and traffic and I leave the radio tuned to a station only to realize that while I was, say, maneuvering around a drunk-at-3PM-SUV-driver, they'd started playing a Pumpkins song - I suffer a pain and nausea induced by Billy Corgan's hideous voice that is second only to Ipecac in onset of action. I snap into panic mode and can't decide which would be quicker or more effective: 1) change the station 2) rip out the radio and fling it at the drunken SUV driver, or 3) roll down my window, stick my neck out of it, and roll it back up again.

The Killer In You indeed.

I'm not a huge Mellencamp fan, but at least I can listen to him without emptying the contents of my stomach in an explosive and windshield-obscuring fashion. I can even sing along happily with a few of his tunes. Plus, he's done quite alot to promote people other than himself, helping to form Farm Aid; very much UNlike Corgan whose only concern and interest in promoting is himself. Okay, that's not totally true - he did sing to benefit Tibet House in 1997 and Neon Street Center in 2001. Mellencamp's been doing Farm Aid for 21 years straight.

I wish I could find the interview he did on WGN in 2005 where he just got angrier and angrier at the Pumpkins for not wanting to reform - they were HIS, dammit! HE was the genius behind them! HIM!! ANYONE could see that!! He got so DEPRESSED that they didn't REALIZE him and his hisness!! He had a vision and was SO brilliant he was misunderstood!! It was....something. I sent it to the Peepster back in 2005, but must have deleted it from my e-mail. I did find one interview where he essentially compares his brilliance and intoxicating presence to Iggy Pop and David Bowie. As IF!!! I'd rather see Iggy Pop naked than listen to two lines of Adore. Oh, and another thing, his blog is lame. So there!

So I guess when I say I LOATHE the Smashing Pumpkins, it's really Billy Corgan I can't stand, but, my apologies to the rest of the band, the taint of Corgan's hateful, nails-on-a-chalkboard voice can't be scrubbed away. Even if the Smashing Pumpkins are still Corgan-less 70 years from now, I can guarantee that if I'm sitting in a wheelchair in my neat little room at Shady Acres nursing home listening to my radio from across the room and the DJ (probably Shannon assuming a DJ voice having decided enough's enough already he wants a chance with that hottie young 65-year-old nurse) announces that next they'll be playing a new song from the new Smashing Pumpkins album (or CD or MP3 or DX2 or IUDROME or whatever they'll be calling music delivery systems in 70 years), you can bet that if I'm not mobile enough to wheel myself over to that radio to smash it to bits before the first word is sung by whom I will anticipate to be Corgan, I'll hang myself with my IV.

So, Lin Brehmer, let's just stick to the one competition on Sunday, shall we? Do NOT equate Corgan with the Bears or I'll cry and throw up when they win.

In other Bears news, when asked who he was rooting for in Sunday's game, Jim McMahon replied, "I could care less."

"I could care less! PBTHTHTHTHTH!!!!"

He went on to say that he didn't follow football, he's been out of the game for 10 years now and has been focusing on his family.

According to his Website, however, he is totally available to come to your event and talk about his career in football. For HOURS in fact. It's just other people playing football he couldn't care less about.


Shannon said...

That Jim's a pistol, all right. Maybe you can shoot him at Billy.

Nice, nice rant. I feel my title is in jepardy!

Rev Transit said...

Have you ever noticed how prominantly stories about driving figure in Jo's accounts of anger?

OrangeMoJoJo said...

Commuting sucks. Once it hits 50 I'm going to try again with the Metra/bus system. My commute may be a bit longer, and my rants will definitely suffer, but I can at least hope for bizarre human activity to comment upon.

Rev Transit said...

Wikipedia was a great help. Some famous musicians born in Chicago:

Patti Smith, Ray Charles, James Cleveland, Quincy Jones, Rickie Lee Jones, Curtis Mayfield, Warren Zevon.

OrangeMoJoJo said...

....Ray Manczarek, Miles Davis, Phil Everly, Lou Rawls, Muddy Waters, Buddy Guy, Benny and Steve Goodman, Herbie Hancock, Liz Phair, OK Go...