Hip and trendy Roman Catholics are dismayed by a speech given in Rome this past Saturday condemning "designer babies."
"My baby CAN't wear anything but Louis Vuitton or I break out in hives!" cried Ashley Verciani of Los Angeles.
"Bergdorf. Nothing but Bergdorf." Mrs. Richard Cargill of Manhattan announced without hesitation when our reporters asked who her son Richie Jr. was spitting up on that very moment. "It's the only way I can tell my baby apart from the sea of cheap Gucci knockoffs the other nannies are pushing around the Park. If I have to fly to Rome again this year, I'll ask that little two-faced so-and-so who designs HIS robes. And let me tell you something, it ain't Isaac Mizrahi."
SnobbyBabies.com has started inserting informative protestant leaflets into their shipping boxes.
Pope Benedict XVI has not officially addressed these concerns, but cardinals close to him report that he is "confused and alarmed" by the response. "He was talking about screening for things like birth defects and dye color before babies were born." a spokesman who asked to remain anyonymous stated over the phone. "He didn't realize how serious the problem was where parents want their babies to be born with little gold "Vs" and little "Ls" all over their bodies."