12.11.07

IT!....COULD!!......WORK!!!


I found a box of clothes under the bed whilst vacuuming the other day and got very excited thinking it was a box of winter clothes.

WRONG!!!

Turns out it was a box of pants (as in trousers to my UK contingent). They're all sizes 6-8, they're all really really cute...

....And they all USED TO fit me. BLAST!!!!

For about the 10th time this month I announced I had to lose weight. "Shannon" I called, "sit down. I have an announcement to make."

"You like orange?" he asked.

"Huh? Nononono! Wait, I mean, yes! Of course! But that's not the announcement."

I could see his mind going down a list in his head.

"Aethelred is cute?"

"Well, he is, but that's not the announce-"

"Billy Corgan is a tool?"

"You do listen to me! But no, that's not -"

"Ummm, the Templars are really cool?"

"Totally! But that's not..."

"You hate scones with raisins?"

"Yeach!! Gross! Hell yeah, but that's -"

"Pope Steven VI's posthumous trial of Pope Formosus in 897 was most likely politically motivated - the Cadaver Synod, or Synodus Horrenda, saw Formosus brought up on charges of 1) transmigrating sees in violation of canon law, thus violating the 15th canon of the Council of Nicea, 2) serving as a bishop while he was still a layman, and 3) for perjury - not to mention his being an all-around wienie-head - and though Steven VI hated Formosus and certainly enjoyed exacting revenge on his corpse the trial was probably politically motivated as revenge for Formosus' having invited Arnulf of Carinthia to invade Italy not once but TWO TIMES - in 893 then again in 895 - due mainly to his fear of Guy III whom he wanted to keep distracted, then when the trial was over and Formosus' corpse found guilty, Steven VI wasn't content with stripping the corpse and reburying it with the three fingers of benediction cut off, he dug the body back up, weighted it down, and threw it in the Tiber?"

"....Wow. I, uh...Wow."

"You're trying to lose weight?"

"Huh? Wha-Oh! Yeah! I, uh, think so...Cadaver Synod? Wow. So....Lose weight?...Oh! Yeah! Shannon, sit down. I have an announcement to make. I have to get my butt to the gym, eat better, and lose weight. I have to wear these cute clothes because they're cute, and I like them, and I used to fit into them so there's no reason I can't do so again. I know I said this before - at least 9 times this week (and it's only Sunday), but I. Am going. To lose weight."

"What size do you want to get down to?"

"A 6. Then I can fit back into all my cute clothes! I'll have, like, a whole 'nother wardrobe fulla cute!"

"Tell you what. You get down to a size 6, and I'll take you to London."

"...? wha...? You're ON!"

Now THAT's motivation! They don't offer this incentive plan at Galter, who, incidentally, I should become reacquainted with right soon!

4 comments:

Shannon said...

I know! I considered offering you the "Formosus diet" in which I cut parts of you off and then throw you in the north branch of the Chicago river, but I thought London would be more effective. I have these wise insights from time to time.

Rev Transit said...

It'd be cheaper to replace the clothes with slightly larger versions and then give the old clothes to your landlady's handyman in Michigan.

Well, that's what I do, anyway.

What weight do I have to get down to for Shannon to take ME to London? Oh, I do hope he says 197!

Butternugget said...

What an incentive, good luck to you and your cute size 6 pants that are feeling neglected.

Also, reason 5,698 that you are my not so secret soul mate; I hate raisin scones as well. Ick. Actually I hate raisins in anything.

Shannon said...

97 Rev? Ok!