27.1.08

Sexy Aliens?


Three.



Two.


Entertainment Weekly recently released the 17 Sexiest Aliens of all time. The list begins with the three female cylons from Galactica (...are there only three female cylons? There are, right? Or ... do we really know?!?!) - from left to right, top pic: Caprica Six (Tricia Helfer), D'anna Biers (Lucy Lawless), and "Boomer" (Grace Park).

I would have limited that list cylons to only one: Caprica Six, and not just because or her penchant for slinky outfits. This cylon has more self-confidence and 'tude than Ramses II.

Won.

"Boomer" is really cute but way too skinny and boyish, and D'anna Biers isn't so much "hot" as "established businesswoman I'd never want to cross." She's businesslike, angry, and keeps her distance - and she can afford a daily blowout at Tricoci for $75 bucks a pop.


I've listed the rest of the winners from the EW Website in no particular order:

Seven of Nine (Jeri Ryan) from Star Trek: Voyager


Barbarella (Jane Fonda)


Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams) from Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back


Starman (Jeff Bridges)


SIL (Natasha Henstridge) from Species


Princess Aura (Ornella Muti) from Flash Gordon


Superman/Kal El (Christoper Reeve)


The Doctor (Christopher Eccleston) from Doctor Who


LEELOO (Milla Jovovich) from The Fifth Element


WORF (Michael Dorn) from Star Trek: Next Generation


Serleena (Lara Flynn Boyle) from MIB II


Jadzia Dax (Terry Farrell) from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine


The Brother (Joe Morton) from The Brother From Another Planet


Diana (Jane Badler) from V


If it were up to me, I'd take "Boomer," D'anna Biers, Barbarella, Princess Aura (see reason below), Worf, "The Brother," Jeff Bridges, and Diana off the list and replace a few of them with these:


HELLOOOO!!! How could you POSSIBLY forget Han Solo???


And who could pull off a pair of cinnamon buns strapped to the side of her head like Princess Leia?


Side Note: Don't tell me Princess Aura didn't raid Leia's wardrobe for that crappy Flash Gordon film. The only thing good about F. Gordon was Queen's catchy theme song.


Then there's Ursa (Sarah Douglas) and General Zod (Terrence Stamp) from Superman II
(Stamp was even rated #59 in Empire Magazine's "100 Sexiest Stars in Film History" in 1995.)



The sexiest aliens of all, in my opinion, will always be Tim Curry as Dr. Frank-N-Furter and Patricia Quinn as Magenta.

Do I really even have to name the movie?




It would be a LOT easier to name 25 sexy sci fi stars. Limiting the list to aliens exclusively is really difficult!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SAMMY!!

Photo of Mom, Grandma, and Sammy taken at Sammy's first birthday party

I can't believe you're already 2 years old! Seems like just yesterday I was taking baptism classes at the nearby church to prepare for GodMotherHood. At that time you were living like a rockstar in LA, now you're inhabiting an ivy-covered home in a southern college town.


We were so lucky to have you nearby last year so we could celebrate with you, even if you didn't leave us any cake.

That's okay, we didn't have any plates to eat it from, anyway.


I sent your gift out first thing yesterday, but in retrospect, considering the pics above and below - it probably shoulda been chocolate. I can't say I didn't have any clues as to your tastes.

I see your parents prudently deleted the late-afternoon party pics from last years' birthday when we partied 'til the wee hours of 8PM. We drank obscene amounts of ginger ale while you ordered us around by gesturing with your sloshy, juice-filled sippy cup. Then we chased eachother around in a demented version of "Hide-n-Seek." I know I would have won if I could have fit into that armoire, but you were too quick! And I can't believe I didn't see you there underneath the middle cushion of the couch.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SAMANTHA HOPE! I hope you had a wonderful day! We promise to come see you before the next one. We have to get in a few more games of "Demented Chase Hide'n'Seek" before you get too big!

26.1.08

Confidential to Fred Phelps

You're an idiot. I can't even hate you you're so pathetic. Although, that said, when I see a child proudly carrying one of your charming "hate" signs, I do admit I would love to see you throttled, you poisoner of youth.

But I digress.

I was asked to write a piece on your vigilant search for Heath Ledger's memorial, but you really don't deserve the attention. Your creative and explicit anti-gay signs prove to me that you have the most vivid, gorgeous homosexual fantasies, and I'm sorry you won't act on them. The world would be a better place if you stopped acting as if you were God's wrath on earth and started loving your fellow man.

I'm keeping this brief because I can't change you, so I won't waste any effort trying. I can say that I will be CELEBRATING on the day you die - no protests for you! I know that you think that you'll be entering heaven, and I really wish I could see the look on your face when you find out how very VERY wrong you are.

25.1.08

Black Friday Has Been Newly Defined

Dennis Kucinich withdrew his bid for the presidency today. He's not endorsing any of the other democratic candidates.

I knew it was a long shot, but I am so SICK of having to choose from candidates I'm only lukewarm about. At least I feel more strongly about all three remaining candidates than I did about Kerry.

I'm not taking the Kucinich sticker off my car, though, unless I can find one that says "[Clinton/Obama/Edwards (I haven't really decided)] Is My Second Choice - My First Choice Was Kucinich."

My hopes were doubly dashed when I read this story - only to realize it was published by The Onion.

24.1.08

News Travels Fast in the Kitteh Community

These two cats would also like to extend their birthday wishes! I'm pretty sure the one on the right is saying "Happy" while the one on the right is saying "Birthday."

Happy Birthday to: Shannon! From: The Bu!

I would have gotten an actual picture of Bu with a hat, but....Oh, who am I kidding? She would have freaked OUT if I came at her with one of those things! Instead:

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

I GIVE YOU!

ORANGEMOJOJO'S!

FIRST EVER ATTEMPT!

AT PHOTOSHOP (OR SOME EQUIVALENT!)!



(Yes, I realize there are three year olds who can do this better, heck BU could do a better job, but there you have it. My patience with that brush feature after I took out the ponpon thingie wore thin after about 35 minutes.)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHANNON!!

I have to drag you to clown class tonight, but I know how you'll be celebrating over the weekend.

I anticipate you'll be spending some quality time with last year's birthday present!

Party animulz!


Last year's birthday present last year


We have reservations for
tea, scones and Devonshire clotted cream on Saturday, but don't fret! You can resume your partying ways immediately afterwards.

23.1.08

Confidential to the Weather Here in Chicago


Knock it off. This uniform dull grey sky/freezing temperatures combo sucks. Nobody likes you. You're making everyone miserable, the way you're acting. I realize you must want to be alone and that's probably why you're driving everyone indoors, but it's selfish and petty and you're better than that - remember that glorious day in October? No, no, no, not the date of the marathon, that other day, the one in the seventies? That was niiiiiiiice! We would be happy with something in the forties, frankly. Oh! And stop hiding the sun behind those crappy low clouds!

All the best,
OrangeMoJoJo

"All we are saying is....

...that she is very welcome to use the buses but not when she is on her lead."

"It's my culture and my choice. It isn't hurting anyone."
If my parents had caught me walking around like that - even at 19...heck, even today! - I'd have been in a whole world of hurt.

Well, they generally don't allow dogs on buses, so why should a human pet be given exception?

19.1.08

To Quote Tao Lin:

"Eeeee! Eee! Eeee!"

Shannon left me this morning to leave me to return home while I got down to actual work here in Oregon. No sooner did he leave than A CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY sprung up not half a block away from the hotel!!! I SWEAR it wasn't there before, but now that Shannon's not here to protect me it just appeared!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!

I don't know why Scientologists freak me OUT as much as they do, but they do. They really do freak me out. Some people are creeped out by germs, some by clowns, some by needles, some by Crispin Glover (some not so much) - I'm creeped out by Scientologists. Maybe it's because this guy is their poster child.

Let's just say...I don't ever want to get into an accident anywhere NEAR Tom Cruise if he thinks he's "the only one who can help" me. If the only two muscles I could move after a freak accident were my pinky finger and my left eye, and my left eye saw him coming to "help," I might just use that finger to drag the rest of my body over a cliff.

Or at least I'd try. If my pinkies are as outta shape as the rest of me, I wouldn't make a dent in the foliage.

15.1.08

"She Gone!"

(I don't know why an old boss of mine used to say that to me every night as I was leaving work, but there you have it.)


Shannon and I will be in Portland (Oregon, not Maine) where we intend to spend 3 straight days in the medieval history section of Powell's Bookstore.


I'll report back after I've read enough books at the airport to get my luggage down to a weight I can afford to check in.

Creepy Picture of the Day

Courtesy of ultraorange.net.

Personally, I'd like a little more professional distance and less favoritism from Shrubbie when dealing with the other PTBs. I'll admit, I may have been jaded by Michael Moore, but I don't really think we need to be quite so buddy-buddy with Prince Abdullah - the leader of a country that practices segregation of the sexes and has a pretty skewed idea of human rights.

What an irony to talk about the need for democracy in the middle east (specifically Iran) to the leader of a country that flogs women for uncovering their heads or getting themselves raped.

14.1.08

AH! NOW I Get It!

I was never a huge fan of Helena Bonham Carter. I mean, I didn't have anything against her, but I never saw her name listed in an upcoming film and thought! "HELENA! AWESOME! I'll totally have to see that!" But she was FABULOUS in Sweeney Todd. I cannot think of anyone who could have done such a perfect job with the role of Mrs. Lovett. Oh. My. God. She was fantastic.

Carter and Depp deserve equal lauds for Sweeney Todd.

Carter and Depp - they were both just amazing.

Burton played the musical very darkly. There are times when he COULD have chosen to lighten things up a bit, but he didn't. As an audience member, you can actually see where these scenes are, the ones that he could have shot through with some levity, and the fact that he decided to have them played them "matter-of-factly" versus "tongue-in-cheek" made them all the more bleak and disturbing.

Burton made a conscious choice to make every scene just that much more horrific. I cringed every time Depp stepped on the mechanism that opened the trapdoor leading into the boiler room, for example.

The fact that the trapdoor opened BEHIND the chair rather than at the foot of it made the treatment of the victims, whose throats had just been slit without a thought, even more gruesome: instead of sliding down forwards feet first, the way they were facing already, and landing on their feet or bums; they were flipped backwards to slide upside-down, thereby falling head-first and backwards to the stone floor of the boiler room. I shuddered every time, even though the victims were dead by the time they were dropped through the trapdoor. Considering the body count Todd ran up during the course of this movie, it would have looked to the people behind me like I had a serious chill with all my shuddering and cringing, that is, if the people behind me weren't riveted to the screen like I was. There was not a moment I felt my attention waver from the screen. This is a seriously intense film. Though bleak, it is NEVER boring.

Carter and Depp were both 100% invested and believable in the roles of the barber who slays his customers and the pie-maker who bakes them up for crowds upon crowds of appreciative (and unsuspecting) customers with grumbling tummies.


SPOILER ALERT!!!

There is no happy ending. None of the main characters - no matter how innocent - are left untouched by violence and horror. You have no idea what will happen to them, but your hopes for them are left pretty slim at best. Of the three "innocents" left alive at the end, one - an 11-year-old boy- murders a man; another - a man of about 18 - locks another man into a room to be murdered; and the last, a beautiful 15-year-old girl - has already lived a life of horror and fear. She says, incredulously, to her beloved who believes they can simply run off and live happily ever after, that she can never be happy or forget her past: "I don't have dreams. Only nightmares."

It's not a feel-good movie, but it's really, REALLY good.

We'd Thought About....


....this method of tree disposal, but decided on taking advantage of the annual Streets and Sans Christmas-tree-recycling-for-blue-bags method (which began with a trip down the back stairs in lieu of out the window) instead.

THREE CHEERS to Streets and Sans for such a well-run, smooth operation! We were in and out of the DeVry parking lot within 10 minutes, and we feel better for knowing our tree is being recycled and isn't rotting in a landfill.

11.1.08

"I Will Control My Own Destiny"


Catchy ad! Guess what it's for?

Wow, huh? I wish I had one of these when I was climbing the corporate ladder! Woulda been pretty easy to clear those rungs! Control my own destiny, indeed! I could get to the front of the line at supermarkets during Black Friday sales, too! Oh! And no more waiting for tables at Pannenkoeken! Why stop there? Think of the possibilities!

Oh! Oh! And now it's available in a snazzy leopard print! Niiiiiiice! If you're ultra feminine though, you may want to go with the pink model. Me? I guess my destiny will just have to stay on hold and in someone else's control until they come out with an orange model.

I foresee quite a few destinies being played out behind bars or at the very least in the backs of squad cars if women take this ad too much to heart.

Unless...

Unless you read this ad more darkly - that all women are destined to be attacked unless they have this product. Nice way to play on our darkest fears, marketer whores! Enjoy that money while you can! It burns up to a worthless charred powder in hell.

"I am firmly of the opinion that the Macintosh is Catholic and that DOS is Protestant."


Umberto Eco pondered The Holy War between Macs vs DOS, regardless of the religious beliefs of their users, back in 1994:

"I am firmly of the opinion that the Macintosh is Catholic and that DOS is Protestant. Indeed, the Macintosh is counter-reformist and has been influenced by the ratio studiorum of the Jesuits. It is cheerful, friendly, conciliatory; it tells the faithful how they must proceed step by step to reach -- if not the kingdom of Heaven -- the moment in which their document is printed. It is catechistic: The essence of revelation is dealt with via simple formulae and sumptuous icons. Everyone has a right to salvation.

DOS is Protestant, or even Calvinistic. It allows free interpretation of scripture, demands difficult personal decisions, imposes a subtle hermeneutics upon the user, and takes for granted the idea that not all can achieve salvation. To make the system work you need to interpret the program yourself: Far away from the baroque community of revelers, the user is closed within the loneliness of his own inner torment.

You may object that, with the passage to Windows, the DOS universe has come to resemble more closely the counter-reformist tolerance of the Macintosh. It's true: Windows represents an Anglican-style schism, big ceremonies in the cathedral, but there is always the possibility of a return to DOS to change things in accordance with bizarre decisions: When it comes down to it, you can decide to ordain women and gays if you want to."

No wonder I love them both! I've been trying to find a religion I fit into 100% for years.

For those of you who are still undecided, perhaps this video can help you out:

10.1.08

Hey-Bama! O-Bama! Bama-Bama O-Bama, Hey-Bama O-BAAAAAAAAAAAA-ma!

YES!!


Oh, no.....


Since announcing his intention to run for president just under a year ago, I've had Obama's name running through my head to the tune of "Hosanna" from Weber's (only) awesome rock musical Jesus Christ Superstar, so I'm pleased to say that his campaign has officially received it's death sentence.

It's not that I have anything against Obama, I actually really like him! I just want to go back to the days where I had less religiously weighted music in my head. Like, say, Nilsson's "Coconut Song" (sung here by Ernie Kovacs' apes), or maybe even the Oompa Loompa song from the REAL Willy Wonka movie. (No disrespect to Johnny Depp, but you, sir, are no Gene Wilder, though I'm dying to see Sweeney Todd!).

NO.



YES!!
Hmmmm... It is interesting that his hair is very Wilder-esque in this movie.



But I digress.

So yeah! Now maybe I'll get some peace if Kerry manages this whole "counteract Obama's charisma" thing.

I wonder if Oprah heard the "Hosanna" song in her head too, and that's what inspired her to head to Iowa in December to endorse Obama with the message "He's The One." But would you expect anything less from a woman who names her California mansion "The Promised Land?" One person's annoyingly persistent head jingle is another man's calling, I guess.

9.1.08

A New Diet Choice

Note the lack of a cocktail skewer.

There are ominivores, vegetarians, Canadian vegetarians, vegans, lacto-ovo vegetarians, those like myself who follow the Benedictine Rule of dieting (that's what I'm calling myself for lack of a better defining term - the Benedictine Rule calls for brothers to eat only the meat of fish and fowl - no chomping on 4-legged animals; 4 pints of ale/day and all the Benedictine I want), and raw foodists, to name but a few. It's the latter that made me consider a new diet.

There is a very small number of raw foodists, Jainists, vegetarians, and vegans who claim that all life - even plants - can feel pain; therefore plants should not be cooked (though I can't see how "chewing" is less painful than "boiling" or "frying.") I have a solution (pun intended) inspired by a recent posting on the Rev's blog: If you're really concerned about causing your food pain, you should sedate it before you eat it.

Introducing: the alcohol-soaked raw food diet. You can start simple: Mix yourself a martini and place three olives in it. Wait 5 minutes before consuming the olives. They'll never know what happened, I can assure you. I had originally thought of the Bloody Mary and all of the veggies and other goodies you could put in one of those babies, but you'd really have to do in a couple, two, three tomatoes per meal, and that would totally defeat the purpose.


If I were to follow this diet, I'd have to find a way to exempt the tomato....and the shrimp.....and the anchovy....I'll just stick to my Benedictine diet, shall I?

But what about the potatoes that were yanked from the dirt to be fermented to make the vodka in the first place? I'll admit I haven't thought this through completely. I mean, the alcohol itself comes from fermented fruits and potatoes and other plants, so you'd have to do some plants some serious harm to begin with just to produce the alcohol. Sure, you can make cider pretty easily from ripe apples and pears that have ripened and fallen from trees thus causing them no pain, but olives soaked in cider would taste pretty disgusting. And what if you hate olives? For the olive-loathing sweet tooth who can look the other way while sugarcane is being slaughtered for the production of rum, you could souse strawberries or raspberries in rum for a pretty tasty alternative. Maybe people who only eat rum-soused fruit could be further classified as "pirate vegetarians." Arrrr.


For those who want to be even more ultra-humane: The ice in this cocktail will further numb the berries to any pain.
I can't help you if you're worried about the pain the ice will feel as it melts.