"I Will Control My Own Destiny"

Catchy ad! Guess what it's for?

Wow, huh? I wish I had one of these when I was climbing the corporate ladder! Woulda been pretty easy to clear those rungs! Control my own destiny, indeed! I could get to the front of the line at supermarkets during Black Friday sales, too! Oh! And no more waiting for tables at Pannenkoeken! Why stop there? Think of the possibilities!

Oh! Oh! And now it's available in a snazzy leopard print! Niiiiiiice! If you're ultra feminine though, you may want to go with the pink model. Me? I guess my destiny will just have to stay on hold and in someone else's control until they come out with an orange model.

I foresee quite a few destinies being played out behind bars or at the very least in the backs of squad cars if women take this ad too much to heart.


Unless you read this ad more darkly - that all women are destined to be attacked unless they have this product. Nice way to play on our darkest fears, marketer whores! Enjoy that money while you can! It burns up to a worthless charred powder in hell.

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