29.6.08

The Song of Summer

I only listen to The Cars during the summer. They just sound wrong any other time of the year. I play this song (below) every Solstice as a way to let myself accept that summer is finally here! The first 10 "taps" initiate an almost Pavlov-ian response in me. It's like the "happy summer synapses" that had lain dormant since the previous September suddenly switch to "ON!" when I hear the very beginning of this song, before the music itself even starts. Not a bad video for the '80s, either!

23.6.08

My Favorite Celebutard

Paris Hilton!

Here she is last year trying to prove how sincere she was about changing her ways as to avoid incarceration. I don't know about you, but I always carry my books with the titles facing me and the books in a pile, not facing the cameras all fanned out like:


And here she is celebrating the Solstice with her boyfriend. This pic has me torn - I think she actually looks adorable in this little dress with the crown of summer-welcoming flowers. Sure beats shiny gold hot pants! If this were the first picture I'd ever seen of her I'd have been quite enamored with her.

Let's just say,.... unfortunately, it wasn't.

The Icebox Man Defeated By Heart Attack!

I heard the very sad news on the way in this morning that George Carlin has died.* He died of heart failure, not, it turns out, from "swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time." He was only 71.


Carlin's album A Place For My Stuff was one of the most hilarious comedy albums ever released. I'd heard bits of it - with the cuss words bleeped out, of course - on Dr. Demento at least every other week on the Loop, WLUP, 97.9 on Sunday nights before I got a hold of my own uncut copy at Rainbow Records in Park Ridge (long since closed - it's location now holds a boutique and a yogurt shop). I'd even memorized "The Icebox Man" in its entirety to present, edited to FCC regulatory standards, as a monologue to my drama club.

My parents tried to steer me towards Bill Cosby, they really did, but though Cosby was brilliant, Carlin was masterful in walking an edge that I still find really appealing. Sometimes, okay often times he "crossed a line!" from funny into cynical/nasty - especially about 10 years ago when I saw him live; but when he was on, He. Was. ON. He took risks in trusting his audience to be shocked and appalled, emit shocked laughter, then find themselves appalled for laughing. Then they'd start to think....about trickle-down economics, politics, war, the wealthy, the myth of the American Dream, abortion, why planes stay in the air, the importance and strength of words, religion, whether vegetarians can eat animal crackers, the suckiness of the status quo, whether infants enjoyed infancy as much as adults enjoyed adultery....He wanted people to THINK. He trusted his audience to have working brains and he encouraged them to use them, not to be led like sheep, not to take things for granted, not to be complacent, not to believe that those with the power were necessarily smarter or always had their best interest in mind.

Sometimes he was silly and other times he was too cynical to stomach, but he had guts. He also his own definition of comedy, and the brains to pull it off from the first episode of Saturday Night Live to his role as Cardinal Glick in Dogma, to a stand-up stint in Vegas only week ago. It was a combo of Carlin, Monty Python, Richard Pryor, Bill Murray, Steve Martin, and Eddie Murphy (all despite my mom's strong protests, I'll note!) that made me come to the realization that comedy was an art, and the one art I most hoped I'd discover I had a gift for.

"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist." I try to keep that in mind, George, when I'm feeling cynical, and the cynicism starts spiraling and getting ugly. Please don't take offense, but I saw your ugly-cynical side live and I keep that in mind whenever I'm feeling cynical. I think, "man, that was NOT funny. I don't want it to take me over like that," and I try to do something positive and proactive. I try to let my inner idealist take over, naive though she may be; and to "think off center."

Rest in peace, George. I hope you're not stuck on the roof!

*I'd originally written "passed away" but some bright, conscientious, vigilant, clever and charming (and, of course, Anonymous!) reader called me a "shithead" for doing so. S/he kinda has a point, though - Carlin went in with some pain in his chest and came out dead. You could hardly call that "passing away." Besides:

"....Thanks to our fear of death in this country, I won't have to die...I'll pass away. Or I'll expire like a magazine subscription. If it happens in the hospital, they'll call it a terminal episode. The insurance company will refer to it as negative patient-care outcome. And if it's the result of malpractice, they'll say it was a therapeutic misadventure. I'm telling you, some of this language makes me want to vomit. Well, maybe not vomit. Makes me want to engage in an involuntary personal protein spill." - George Carlin

20.6.08

Happy Summer Solstice!

The Summer Solstice occurs this evening at 6:59PM (Chicago time). I'll probably be getting my Solstice groove on in my shiny gold "WELCOME SUMMER!!!!" hot pants.

I love the mid-air scrub shoes. Hee!

Blessed be!

Here are some Solstice shots from the UK:






18.6.08

This Cat Didn't Fall!

He was pushed! By Minnie! Then she paid him off in Pounce treats not to squeal!


(aside from the stairs going the wrong way, that totally looks like Rev's place!)

16.6.08

FERRETSES UPDATE!!!

I'm adopting two stinky weezils!!! One is a 3-year-old black roan mitt hob (male) named Nosferretu, and I'm also adopting a newborn baby ferret kit from a litter that was just born on Tuesday!! FERRET BEBBIES!!! I'm hoping for a champagne or silver, so I won't know what sex I'll get for a couple of weeks when their coats come in a bit. Seriously, though, if it turns out there are no champagnes or silvers, I'll be just as happy with a sable. Or a black sable. Or an albino. I loves me da stinky weezil dookers!

I am really excited that I'll get to raise and train my own ferret from a kit. I'll be able to train him/her to use the litter box, go for walks outside, sleep in my pocket, steal Shannon's socks, ride in the basket of my orange cruiser along the Skokie sculpture path, sing backup for me in the shower, ride Boudicca like a pony (more like a mastadon), steal Shannon's improv notes, make the perfect macaroni and cheese from scratch, master the silks and trapeze at the Actor's Gymnasium and star in the next Neil Gaiman circus interpretation, take on congress, steal Shannon's Peanut Butter Bumpers, play Scrabulous with me on Facebook and let me win once in a while, sew me cute orange skirts, bring peace to the Middle East, steal Shannon's fitness strap, memorize the lines to Star Wars episodes IV and V, Caddyshack, and the Monty Python anthology, act as my familiar...I...can't....WAIT!!!!


I was thinking of naming the kit (baby) Boba. Boba Ferret. HA! Get it?? I thought I was being clever! Unfortunately, if you type "Boba Ferret" into Google you get 39,600 hits. BLAST!!! Luckily I have a coupla months to start thinking of names, though I will probably ultimately wait to see if s/he names him/herself. Boudicca was originally Hazel after all!

I'll be picking up Nosferretu and Boba the day after my berfday. Happy berfday to me!


I am hoping that this ferret distraction will help me through Naomi's moving to NC. I am not coping well!!!

13.6.08

It's Getting Closeah!

Six weeks to go, but I've already got Maine very much on my mind both consciously (I'm already craving lobstah!) and unconsciously (I just typed "weathah.com" into my navigation toolbar!)

This Day Is Cursed! I Have The Counter-Curse!


I just found TasteSpotting 2 DAYS ago, and It was closed down this morning!!! To quote Peepster: "TRAGEDY!!!" I know it was some time after 8 AM because I'd checked it this morning with my Morning Coffee Blog Troll (MCBT). I'd only known of the site for two days and already it was on my Blog Troll list!

Happy Friday the 13th indeed! First the Templars, now this!

Don't let horrible, nasty things like having your favorite blog-of-the-moment shut down on YOU!

Take ACTION!

PERFORM THIS COUNTER CURSE before anything terrible happens to YOU!! Like, that pair of shoes you were eyeballing on Traipse's Website were SOLD OUT 10 MINUTES before you got to the store, and they only have 2 pairs left in stock: one two sizes larger and one two sizes smaller!!


The Counter Curse: Come wish us a Happy Birthday on Sunday at 1:30 at The Beat Kitchen, 2100 W Belmont Ave., and I promise you won't be burned at the stake like the Templars. If you don't make it, .....well....


Today is The Flying Buttresses 5th birthday!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BUTTRESSES!!!


HAPPY ORANGE DAY!!!

It was ORANGE!!! DAY in NZ!! OrangeGirl accidentally missed it, but she gave me plenty of notice seeing as we're like 4 days behind Wellington here in Chicago.

To celebrate Orange Day, I will not hit, maim, kill, splash, throw coffee at, swear at, or even glare at any road workers*, no matter how long I'm delayed in front of the Abt on Milwaukee Ave; the Bank of America on Waukegan; or, well anywhere on the Edens.



*I never actually do any of those things.

To road workers.

To people trying to cut around traffic in the right lane, speeding along to cut ahead because their time is SO much more important than anyone else's when they can see for
miles that that lane will be closed...well, let's just say, they're fair game.

If I Were the Passenger On That Train...

The Joint Intelligence Committee woudla never gotten the orange folder back.

I imagine this is the orange folder in which they kept the Iraq security and al Qaeda secrets.

"A passenger found the orange folder, containing highly sensitive details about Iraq's security forces and the government's latest assessment of al Qaeda, on a London commuter service and handed it over to the BBC."

I don't know how that passenger had the strength to part with it! I would have shred the documents, not given them to the BBC; and I'd be using the folder now to carry very important documents of my own, like, the chronological list of old Dr. Who episodes I've printed so I can cross of episodes we've watched as we go; and OPI's latest collection of summer colors.

12.6.08

Obey the Kitten!!!

http://obeythekitten.com/

Steps Meets Dr. Who

I've already posted on Andrew Hayden Smith once before, but I haven't seen him in a while (note to self: bump up Torchwood in Netflix queue), and, thanks to Mu, Steps version of "Tragedy" has been in my head, alternating, inexplicably, with Rufus Wainrights "Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk."

Whenever I saw Andrew Hayden Smith's character, Jake, on Dr. Who, I would pause the DVD and sing "BYE BYE BYE!" to Shannon while trying to do the N'Sync dances moves to the song. I did not know at the time Smith was gay, but I did associate him with gay clubs in London and it just struck me why a couple of days ago thanks to a certain post and the mention of the word "disco." My mind had gone "boy band" - "disco" - "synchronized dance moves" (a'la N'Sync). Which led me, of course, to the best club in London.



Okay, so Steps wasn't exactly a boy band - there were 3 girls and 2 guys - but their massive hit-remake of the Bee Gee's "Tragedy" was played at clubs everywhere, and I danced to it in every gay club in Oxford and several in London (where else do you go to dance?? For serious!!).

I actually got to see Steps perform with several other bands at a charity benefit at Heaven, a massive gay dance club in London. They got up there, the first notes of "Tragedy" were heard, the crowd went apeshit, and of the thousands of people there, every one the dance that went along with the song.

Everyone, that is, but me.

My friend Brendan tried desperately to teach me the moves but gave up when I got frustrated and stubbornly started doing the "Macarena"/Three Amigos salute.



By the end of "Tragedy" I was surrounded by guys doing the "Macarena," and Brendan had disappeared.

Here's Steps performing "Tragedy" live on stage so you can see the dance for yourself. There's also a cheesy video which I love precisely because it's cheesy. Besides, (disclosure time!) I've gotta admit, I have a soft spot for the Bee Gees. There. I've said it. This is a pretty good cover. Probably because it sounds exactly the same (they have women singing the falsetto parts. Hee!)





Here's a step by step demonstration of how to do the Tragedy steps. Probably posted by Brendan as soon as we returned to Oxford.

Study Shows Video Game Addicts are NOT Shy Nerds


I think we have two separate studies here. You don't have to be shy to be a nerd; you can be a nerd without being shy.

Let's just say...I have a certain "inept" (though he may be expert by now! It's been a few days.) Dance Dance Revolution!! player in mind here. Not shy (he posted his DDR moves on his blog!): definitely a nerd (he posted his DDR moves on his blog!) I'd like to add a "serious guts" category (he posted his DDR moves on his blog!)

Then there's this kid who's not shy, more of a jerk than a nerd, and could probably be categorized under several chapters of the DSM IV-TR (warning: swearing in the translation, though I was only able to watch about 15 seconds anyway - the kid is so toxic my stress level rose about 75 points almost immediately. Come to think of it, i don't know why I posted this other than it falls so totally under the heading of: "..Whoa.").



Though looking at that video now, I imagine it's not far off from how I felt behind the wheel during rush hour last night. OMG, were any of you driving southeast last night from 4:30 on?? WHAT WAS GOING ON?!?! It took me 2 and a half HOURS to get home. From NORTHBROOK. 13 MILES. AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! And me with no iPod. Oh, sure, the replacement PodFreq had arrived before I left work, but I'd forgotten my iPod at home. Oh! Did I mention? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

9.6.08

Feeling Foodie!

I've accidentally stumbled on a Website that has me thinking that foodies are on to something in their pursuits of all things tasty. Tastespotting.com is the most inspiring foodie site I've ever seen!

4.6.08

Time To Refocus

Clinton may not have conceded, but to show my support for Obama I'm going to start poking at McCain until she comes around.

I'll admit, Colonel Tigh from Battlestar Galactica is my favorite character, but he's flawed. Very very flawed. And made a lot of mistakes. A LOT. At the end of Season 3* he finds out how wrong he was about everything. EVERYTHING. I'm so concerned about this that I just realized I repeated everything twice. TWICE!


I would NOT want Colonel Tigh for president.



Not convinced this is the same man? Note the issues he has with music in each of these two clips -the first from Galactica, episode 20 which aired on March 25, 2007;





and the second from a town hall meeting in SC, April 18, 2007 - less than a month later!



John Saul McTigh should not be elected for president. He's a dangerous man. He throws people out of airlocks when he disagrees with them, for frack's sake. He swears like a sailor, and though the creative color of his swearing is quite impressive, it is probably not the image we want to convey to the rest of the world. He comes unglued. He's undependable and ornery. He drinks way too much. He hears things. I can't say any more because then I'd spoil Season 3, but I wish I could spoil it because then I'd spare you from watching it.

OBAMA IN '08!!!!

*Season 3 was the weakest season by far. Borderline awful. I felt so cheated at the end, I wanted to bitch slap a writer. The whole season was so totally contrived. What happened to the writers?? They were BRILLIANT in Seasons 1 and 2! Were they abducted or destroyed and replaced by cylons? Or worse yet, the writers of Beverly Hills 90210? Confidential to the writers: if you started taking drugs, please stop. You're not just hurting yourselves, you're hurting everyone around you. And if you stopped taking drugs, uh, please resume your, uh, regimen.

3.6.08

Define Irony....

Well, yes, a bunch of idiots dancing around on a to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash, but, too:

Losing a game of Scrabulous to a guy who can only "speak" online in textyblab.

This is a disturbing trend. I just lost a game of Scrabulous to another person who wrote everything in lazytextblab ("lol!" "rofl!" "ceo!" "bff!" "gl!" "ou812!" "roygbiv!" "byob!" "scmods!" "rsvp!" "elgdf!") Not being versed in lazytextblab (I actually swo (spell words out)), I had to look up everything he wrote. We can add this to the ever-growing List of Things OrangeMoJoJo Finds Really REALLY IRRITATING, right after morning commute radio.

The kicker was the last one: "ggty." That's how I found out I'd lost. 'ggty'...'ggty'...'good... game?'...waaaaaaaaaaaait a minute! 'Good game ... thank you??!!' - WHAT?? I was up 32 points?!?!....HOW?!?!"

Turns out 32 point lead means nothing when your opponent's LAST MOVE uses up his LAST 7 TILES for 75 points.

OMG!!!

WTF??!??!

SOB!!!

GD!!!!

PS,

IOU, MF!!!!

Scrabulous bmwbh (breaks my widdle bitty heart)

I Am A Victim of the Double Standard

as evidenced below:


She was (intentionally!) hilarious in Zombie Strippers


And Dennis Kucinich:

ORANGE TIE!!!


Actually, his wife - Elizabeth - should have been on the list:

"You may jokingly put me in a post alongside Jenna Jameson, OrangeMoJoJo, but in real life I'm married to THIS woman! *BEAM!!!* Life, *sigh!* life is good."

I like that Peta has taken a break from throwing fake blood on furs (which does little but give those fur owners an excuse to buy new furs while simultaneously making the animals' loss of life even more of a waste) to do something useful and informative.

1.6.08

You Can't HANDLE the Cute!

Good morning. Please, sit down. Make yourself comfortable. We're going to be here a while

There has been a lot of talk recently about cat cuteness. I am here to remind you that there is nokitty cuter than me.

It was obvious from the time my bipeds brought me home that I was special.


I had a natural ability to get myself into all worldsa cute.

Everything I did deserved a snap.


It's not like I went out of my way or anything, I just did what I do.

Only cuter than anykitty else.


I won people over from 10 states...

Texas


Illinois, Arizona


California, Indiana, Alabama, Maine

Confusion

Lunacy

...and Ohio.

Ohio

Even other very strange animals find me irresistible.


Sometimes I had to climb on to high places just to get some peace from all the cuddling.




In fact, I still do!



I know, I know - most of those pictures are old. I can almost hear you say "Yes, but what have you done for us lately, Athelred?"

Behold:

THE CUTE!



I can cute in my sleep!



Though I'll admit I was totally inspired by Oscar for some of my moves. He was awesome!!











I can cute in a bag,


I can cute with a nag!


(heh heh! Just kidding, Bu!)



I'm even cute when I drink water outta the Christmas tree.


I do miss drinking buddies - especially Umberto.




So does Bu. Umberto was cute, too, in a "weird!!" way. He always kept us entertained - and made us even MORE entertaining! How is that even POSSIBLE?!?




I have to go nap cutely now, but remember, you can shut the door on cute, but I can still reach you!