DANGER!!!!! RUN!!!! - Oh, You Can't.

These shoes remind me of those ultradangerous, ultrapoisonous hornets that eat ultradangerous ultrapoisonous spiders for breakfast. Or vice versa. I forget. I saw it on the Discovery Channel or a PBS nature show years ago. I only remember the dangerous poisonous predator creepy crawly eating the other dangerous poisonous predator.

And I remember that the the close black-and-white stripes of the one doing the eating looked EXACTLY LIKE THESE SHOES!

Rihanna (?) is an incredibly brave woman. These creepy crawly shoes are 1000 times bigger than the creepy crawlies were on that nature show! And there are two of them! Each one so big it covers her entire lower leg!

HOW can she stand there so benignly?!? She must be terrified to move: if the creepycrawlyshoes don't kill her with their horrible poison, trying to walk in them will. Or maybe they've shot her up with their neurotoxins that will keep her alive but immobile, every single one of her skeletal muscles frozen while they lay their eggs in her shins?!?! THAT's what it was. THAT's what was so disturbing about those awfulnasty horneteatingspidereatinghornets! OMG!!! Oh, *BARF!*

Seriously, my stomach is trying to make my hands type faster so I can finish this entry and go flying out of my office, down the nine flights of stairs, out the front doors of the building, and about two miles down Milwaukee Ave. to the safety of the nearest Walgreens bug spray aisle. Only there will my adrenaline levels begin to decrease to a level only slightly higher than normal.

They won't subside completely until these shoes are destroyed.

Poor Rihanna!! She really should have gone with something less deadly! *tear!!*

But then we'd have to consider that St. Albans skirt suit of hers.


Shannon said...

Maybe the predatory shoes eat skirt material and her skirt started off long and flowing?

OrangeMoJoJo said...

I'd considered that, but the line is too neat. I think it would be more shredded, which means Rihanna chose this before the neurotoxins took effect.