29.10.08

STONE THE WITCH CAR!!!

So after I checked and triple checked that the oven was off, I hadn't left the ferret cage open, and I hadn't left the back door unlocked, the fridge open, or the water running in the kitchen sink (ah, the "I wonder if I...."s of OCD), I grabbed my coffee and walked to my car. As I approached I noticed a brick and a jaggedy piece of concrete lying in the street. I picked one up and went to toss it on the grass, out of the street, when I noticed the dings in my driver's side door. One of the rocks had hit the window, the other the door directly beneath.

Luckily, the glass in the window hadn't shattered. As I tossed the second chunk of debris onto the grass I wondered who I'd pissed off. I'm not exactly neighborly, but had I actively angered someone? Maybe the chick who always parks in the middle of the street to wait for the girl she gives a ride to every morning that I've honked at at least five times now because god FORBID she pull into the space 10 FEET AHEAD than wait directly in front of the building for several minutes at a time, honking repeatedly for her charge and leaving no room for me or anyone else to pull around? Hmmm...Doubt it. Maybe someone was being funny because of my wiccan license plate? "STONE THE WITCH!!! Hahaha!!!" Maybe.....

I came to the conclusion that my license plate was the cause of the stoning of my vehicle and drove to work vaguely thinking black thoughts directed at self-righteous so-called "good Christians." How many people have been killed and murdered by so called "good Christians" in the name of "RIGHT!"? I thought. How many innocent cars had to be dinged? I fumed and shook my fist at the sky and then put it back on the wheel as soon as I realized that my other fist was holding my coffee and I was now driving 60 MPH on the Edens with no hands on the wheel.

Okay, so they were more grey-ish thoughts. I really wasn't terribly upset. I thank my beloved Pseudopod in keeping me distracted from any potential dark brooding.

I don't care about the dings in my car, though I may have them sealed so they don't end up rusting out my door. I was thankful, though, that my window wasn't shattered. Indeed, the motor in the window has never run smoother!

When I arrived at work, my boss was talking with a couple of coworkers about the damage an elderly woman had caused to her car last week, so I mentioned the incident, and my theory on the "cause" - okay the cause was a fucktard asshole - my theory on the motive, then, that it was my wiccan license plate. As to be expected, my coworkers were horrified (one is on the phone with her son right now relaying the particulars - now the rock weighed over 20 pounds and the brick was aimed at my head as I walked to my car), and were far more concerned than I was. They immediately dismissed the license plate theory. One asked what the stickers on my car read, and I ticked them off, ending with the two Obama stickers.

"Ah." They all said in unison.

....Noooooooo.....

No.

No way.

??????

Tell me. It was. The license plate.

3 comments:

Butternugget said...

It is probably just dumb kids with nothing to do. This has happened on my block and one block over twice in the last couple years. Several cars were hit. In fact one parked near me lost the entire back window and another lost the sun roof. These were with bricks, as I could see the bricks on the inside of the cars.

We seem to have a lot of car vandalism in my area, which I know is pretty close to you.

Over the last three years I've had my window broken once, my antena broken off and my catalytic converter stolen.

OrangeMoJoJo said...

My first thought was that it was vandals, but when I saw TWO rocks, I felt singled out. Maybe they were trying to throw at the same time to smash out the window. It is kind of a relief to know this is pretty common, but how totally suck-ass!! I was very tentative upon driving out of my spot, thinking that if this person/these persons were angry at me specifically, they may have done more damage than a dinged door. No slashed tires, no banana in the tailpipe.

One of my committee members - a highly respected, world renowned physician at the top of his field - put it best when he stated at dinner one night: "People are stupid."

Sarcasm is just one more service I offer. said...

It is so nice to hear that I'm not the only one with OCD issues. I'm am constantly checking locks, making sure I turned off the stove and that I really did flush the toilet.lol The toilet one really bothers me but, I am so afraid of not doing that for some reason.lol That really sucks about your car. I am hoping it was just some random butt head kids and nothing serious. I had to laugh at the whole window motor still working smoothly. I don't know if I would be able to look at the bright side like that if it had been me. The incident brings to mind a friend of mine that used to drag race his old 70 chevelle. His car had the name Warlock in big letters on the back. He was constantly catching crap over that like he was some sort of devil worshipper that needed saving or killing. I'll never understand people. Your friend was right. They are all stupid.