12.11.08

Blake (not really so) Lively

So I saw this magazine cover featuring Blake Lively who, for the record, I don't know. I had to look her up in IMDB and found that she apparently only stars in crap chick flicks. Or crap and chick flicks. Whatever. For me they go hand in hand - most chick flicks are crap to me. I know, chicks everywhere will want my blood, but I have no interest in seeing Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood, Sex and the Sisters, CrossSisters, Sisters Waiting to Exhale, If These Sisters Could Talk, Desperately Seeking Sisters, Sisters Who've Never Been Kissed, Sisters in Seattle, When Harry Met Your Sister, Thelma and her Sister, Fried Green Sisters, or anything starring Julia Roberts.* Maybe I'm missing a gene, but most chick flicks make me want to barf. Or at the VERY least flip the channel to Grindhouse - Planet Terror or The Transporter 15 before the first sisterly tear can be shed in solidarity over, well, anything. Puh-LEEEEZE.

ANYWAY, I've heard the name, but I really have no idea who Blake Lively is. I've never seen her on the big or little screen. That said, here's her pic from W magazine:


Couple of things. First, she doesn't look the LEAST bit lively, so I think she should change her surname to "Blah" or "Boredwithlife" or "Yawn" or "Whatever" or "Huh." Next, she should maybe wear something that doesn't strangle her boobs. Third, where is her neck???

Finally, this pose is....

wrong.

But familiar.....

There's something very wrong with this picture. She looks all outta whack. Twisted all weird. Her shoulders....it looks almost like her arms have been reattached backwards....

I've seen this pose before.

Where??? WHERE have I seen this? Who is she emulating?

AH! I've got it!

Tour of New College.

Oxford.

March, 2000.

The chapel.

Statue of "Lazarus Rising" by Jacob Epstein:



Good on ya, Blake. You resemble a reanimated dead guy.




I stress again: you should seriously consider changing your surname.


(*for those who'd argue, yes, I do own My Best Friend's Wedding, but Rupert Everett is the ONLY reason to watch it.)

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