18.12.08

You Won't Be Making Any Of That $9999.00 Back From Me, Mr. (mor)Man.

Note the car parked in front is NOT my wee Honda.


Alan Stock, the CEO of Cinemark donated $9999.00 to support Proposition 8. Now, we don't go to movies that often, but I'll tell you: when Watchmen comes out in March I won't be seeing it at the Century Landmark Theater in Evanston, or any other Cinemark theater for that matter.


17.12.08

Alas, Poor David! We Hope You're Well...

....enough to finish the last four episodes of Doctor Who you promised us.

David Tennant just underwent surgery to correct a slipped disc. He had to pull out of the RSC production of Hamlet and now...now.... it seems he...it seems he....he might not *choke!*...be able to...*sob!!!* finishupthelastfourepisodes....*whimper!!!* as....THE DOCTOR!

*WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!*


David Tennant kisses us goodbye??!??

Well, the pain he was experiencing does explain Season 4 a bit, though. Let's just say...not the best season.

This is NOT my idea of "Christmas cheer." Or "happy holidays."

12.12.08

Best, Most Colorful Verbal Fight EVER:

(Hey, some people put together Dream Teams, I dream up pairing off characters from different movies in different ways. It's my thing.)

John Malkovich in Burn After Reading

vs Ralph Feinnes in In Bruges.


Don't bring popcorn: you're mouth will be hanging open in shock from the first uttered syllable 'til one of em pulls out a gun and disqualifies himself.

10.12.08

Homeland Security Indeed! FEAR DA COUNTRY FULLA VAMPIRES!!!

I was thrilled when I'd heard Obama had appointed Johnette Napolitano, lead singer of Concrete Blonde, Secretary of Homeland Security. Excellent choice! Her haunting, powerful voice would make any terrorist think twice before messing with HER country! Indeed, terrorists listening to the lyrics of "Bloodletting" or "Long Black Car" might think we were populated with vampires! Good! FEAR US!!!


She's also got the perfect look for the job. She can class it up for meetings with heads of state, or flash one of her kick-ass "don't mess with me!!!" tattoos.



Her tattoos are also a clear message to terrorists: "I can deal with needles piercing my skin constantly and repeatedly for hours at a time - I can certainly deal with YOU!"

And then I realized I'd missheard the announcement. Johnette Napolitano is working on a new album whereas Arizona governor Janet Napolitano received the Obamappointment.

I wonder if she has any tattoos? Or if she belts out "The Sky Is A Poisonous Garden" when driving to meetings with ObamEmmanuel? My confidence in Obama's choice would be complete if either were the case.

Despair, Inc. Takes A Jab At Us Bloggers


Fine! Be that way, Despair, Inc.! But I notice you don't have a poster for Twitterers who have so much more to say to even fewer, because usually (maybe) only one other person knows what the heck the Twitterer is even talking about, or what Twittering even is! HA! I remain content with my two dedicated followers who gladly contact me when they don't know what the heck I'm talking about. Only, don't contact me about Twittering you two, because... I really don't get it. From what I can tell it's like IM-ing on your blog - including the indecipherable abbreviations that I REFUSE to learn - especially when the message wasn't meant for my eyes in the first place.

Those stupid abbreviations - they're an insult to my eyes! They're all over the Webbernet in the form of Twitters and IMs and even threads and wall posts on Facebook. For the record: if you can't take the time to write out a message, I don't take the time to read it. A bunch of grouped together lower-case letters could be the most brilliant thing EVER, the most concise answer to my query and all queries ever queried; or it could just be your pet marmoset was picking through your keyboard for crumbs.

Here's a tip: I ALWAYS go with the marmoset. Ever since I saw that one pee on Johnny Carson's head, I've had a soft spot for marmosets.



That was one of the funniest things I ever saw when I was 8. That and Ernie Kovacs' Nairobi Trio!




Hee! Crazy apes! ....But I digress from...something...where was I...?

Oh yes. Textybreviations.

"Abbreviations??" It takes me twenty times longer to get a feeling for what the heck you're writing to me in a text message, for example, than it would have you'd TYPED IN THE OTHER THREE LETTERS OF EACH WORD and completed the freaking sentence! "LOL?" Okay, I've seen it so often I get it. "SOS?" I'm on my way. "OU812?" Pretty great album when I was growing up. But beyond that I'm lost and after about 10 seconds of trying to decipher your encrypted code, I just don't care anymore and I delete the message or write back "?."

Or, I get pissed off and call you.

You do not want to receive that call.

I receive something like, I don't know, "%*@:-( ? 02 @TEOTD UR GR8 4 MTG @ SBX THX 4 NTS THO IBIWISI ^5 PROMO! JUADLAM!! BFFEEEE!!! (^~^~^~^~)." After all the effort you put in to obfuscating your message to that level, I will probably call you. You're all chirpy and twittery and cheerful, going about your business and you pick up the phone to hear my frustrated ass saying, without preamble, "WHAT THE HELL DID THAT EVEN MEAN??? NEXT TIME, JUST CALL ME!!!! Decipher THIS!: *#&^*&^%!!!!!" *slam!*

Okay, I've never done that, but trust me, the temptation has been great. And both of my brothers know not to text me in code.

I know I'm no grammar guru, I often like to make up words to convey stuff on my blog, but if I'm going to learn a new language it's going to be Spanish or German or Old English, not lazypoke'n'jab.

9.12.08

When A Picture Says A Thousand Words

This one, to me, says "I tried to sell Obama's Senate seat and got busted by the Feds."


I'm still surprised he wasn't busted for lurking around the changing rooms at Fleet Feet.

2.12.08

"I Don't Know How You Came To Get The Betty Davis Knees,

but worst of all young man you have Industrial Disease!"

I don't know how I lost track of this song for so many years, but it was like bumping into a friend I hadn't seen in ages when I heard Dire Straits "Industrial Disease" on the radio the other day. I immediately found it on my iPod and have listened to it repeatedly most of the way to and from work the past two days. The lyrics are very fun to sing along to in the car, you see! One of the best sing-along songs I've ever found. It's got a great beat for running and clever lyrics to boot!

"Industrial Disease" was on almost every running list I made from my freshman year on through the '90s, and Love Over Gold was one of my favorite albums all through high school. I discovered it, and Dire Straights/Mark Knopfler, through this clever song. It may be even more relevant today considering the state of the economy.

You can listen to it here while reading the lyrics below. Unfortunately, Dire Straits didn't produce a video for it to rival the one they did for "Money for Nothing." To quote Jareth* (as I do): "Such a pity." (*ButterNugget: Note that I linked to Jareth's Escher costume on what may be an addition to my "favorite blogs" list. You're welcome!)



Warning lights are flashing down at quality control
Somebody threw a spanner and they threw him in the hole
There's rumors in the loading bay and anger in the town
Somebody blew the whistle and the walls are coming down
There's a meeting in the boardroom, they're trying to trace the smell
There's leaking in the washroom, there's a sneak in personnel
Somewhere in the corridors someone was heard to sneeze
Goodness me, could this be Industrial Disease?

The caretaker was crucified for sleeping at his post
They're refusing to be pacified its him they blame the most
The watchdogs got rabies, the foreman's got fleas
And everyone's concerned about Industrial Disease.
There's panic on the switchboard, tongues are tied in knots
Some come out in sympathy, some come out in spots
Some blame the management and some the employees
And everybody knows its the Industrial Disease.

The work force is disgusted downs tools and walks
Innocence is injured, experience just talks
Everyone seeks damages and everyone agrees
That these are classic symptoms of a monetary squeeze
On ITV and BBC they talk about "The Curse"
Philosophy is useless, theology is worse
History boils over, there's an economics freeze
Sociologists invent words that mean "Industrial Disease"

Doctor Parkinson declared, "I'm not surprised to see you here
You've got smoker's cough from smoking, brewer's droop from drinking beer.
I don't know how you came to get the Betty Davis knees,
But worst of all young man you've got Industrial Disease!"
He wrote me a prescription he said, "You are depressed.
I'm glad you came to see me to get this off your chest.
Come back and see me later. Next patient, please!
Send in another victim of industrial disease."

I go down to Speakers' Corner and I'm thunderstruck
They've got free speech, tourists, police in trucks.
Two men say they're Jesus - one of them must be wrong
There's a protest singer he's singing a protest song, he says
"They wanna have a war to keep us on our knees!
They wanna have a war to keep their factories!
They wanna have a war to stop us buying Japanese!
They wanna have a war to stop Industrial Disease!"

"They're pointing out the enemy to keep you deaf and blind!
They wanna sap your energy, incarcerate your mind!
They give you Rule Brittania, gassy beer, Page Three,
Two weeks in Espana and Sunday striptease!"
Meanwhile the first Jesus says, "I'd cure it soon:
Abolish Monday mornings and Friday afternoons."
The other one's on a hunger strike, he's dying by degrees
How come Jesus gets Industrial Disease??

1.12.08

Is It Just Me,

Or does Obama look like he's about to cry?? Did he think she'd refuse?? (o;


On the flip side, look at the cat that ate the canary there beside him.

This pic needs a caption. Or some dialogue.

I have to say I'm thrilled with Obama's pick of Rahm Emmanuel for Chief of Staff and Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State! I only named those two because they're the two I'm most familiar with - both being Illinoisans! I've always known that I was the center of the universe, now this new administration is FINALLY setting about proving it!

Jeff Richardson (Tina Fey's Husband) Told Vanity Fair He Was the "Joe Biden of Husbands"

because he 's prone to "drop the bomb" in interviews. "I remember the biggest trouble I got into....Oh my god."

I read that article this morning.

This afternoon, as if to prove his point, he went and dropped a Joe Biden, telling Vanity Fair in A DIFFERENT INTERVIEW how his wife got the scar on her cheek. A horrible event she's been keeping to herself and from the media for years because it upsets her parents terribly every time they think about it. I know you can find out for yourself by doing a nanosecond search, but I feel...wrong posting a link. Out of curiosity several years ago, I went to find out how she'd gotten that scar only to find her quiet comment that she appreciated her fans' interest, but preferred to keep the topic private, knowing we'd understand.

Tina Fey was the best thing to happen to SNL since about 1986; and the most powerful ambassador for women in comedy since...maybe Katherine Hepburn.


OMG how lucky was SNL that she looks almost exactly like Sarah Palin??? Which is, incidentally, the only good thing I can say about Sarah Palin.