Despair, Inc. Takes A Jab At Us Bloggers

Fine! Be that way, Despair, Inc.! But I notice you don't have a poster for Twitterers who have so much more to say to even fewer, because usually (maybe) only one other person knows what the heck the Twitterer is even talking about, or what Twittering even is! HA! I remain content with my two dedicated followers who gladly contact me when they don't know what the heck I'm talking about. Only, don't contact me about Twittering you two, because... I really don't get it. From what I can tell it's like IM-ing on your blog - including the indecipherable abbreviations that I REFUSE to learn - especially when the message wasn't meant for my eyes in the first place.

Those stupid abbreviations - they're an insult to my eyes! They're all over the Webbernet in the form of Twitters and IMs and even threads and wall posts on Facebook. For the record: if you can't take the time to write out a message, I don't take the time to read it. A bunch of grouped together lower-case letters could be the most brilliant thing EVER, the most concise answer to my query and all queries ever queried; or it could just be your pet marmoset was picking through your keyboard for crumbs.

Here's a tip: I ALWAYS go with the marmoset. Ever since I saw that one pee on Johnny Carson's head, I've had a soft spot for marmosets.

That was one of the funniest things I ever saw when I was 8. That and Ernie Kovacs' Nairobi Trio!

Hee! Crazy apes! ....But I digress from...something...where was I...?

Oh yes. Textybreviations.

"Abbreviations??" It takes me twenty times longer to get a feeling for what the heck you're writing to me in a text message, for example, than it would have you'd TYPED IN THE OTHER THREE LETTERS OF EACH WORD and completed the freaking sentence! "LOL?" Okay, I've seen it so often I get it. "SOS?" I'm on my way. "OU812?" Pretty great album when I was growing up. But beyond that I'm lost and after about 10 seconds of trying to decipher your encrypted code, I just don't care anymore and I delete the message or write back "?."

Or, I get pissed off and call you.

You do not want to receive that call.

I receive something like, I don't know, "%*@:-( ? 02 @TEOTD UR GR8 4 MTG @ SBX THX 4 NTS THO IBIWISI ^5 PROMO! JUADLAM!! BFFEEEE!!! (^~^~^~^~)." After all the effort you put in to obfuscating your message to that level, I will probably call you. You're all chirpy and twittery and cheerful, going about your business and you pick up the phone to hear my frustrated ass saying, without preamble, "WHAT THE HELL DID THAT EVEN MEAN??? NEXT TIME, JUST CALL ME!!!! Decipher THIS!: *#&^*&^%!!!!!" *slam!*

Okay, I've never done that, but trust me, the temptation has been great. And both of my brothers know not to text me in code.

I know I'm no grammar guru, I often like to make up words to convey stuff on my blog, but if I'm going to learn a new language it's going to be Spanish or German or Old English, not lazypoke'n'jab.


Sarcasm is just one more service I offer. said...

I feel your pain. That is a huge pet peeve of mine as well. A lesser one is people who refuse to use punctuation on emails that are a mile long. How difficult is it to at least put in a period now and then? Ugh

Great video of Johnny Carson. That's greatness!lol

Butternugget said...

Okay, this is just CREEPY. You posted something insanely similar to me today. Maybe we really were separated at birth.

Shannon said...

WTF? Y rnt like this? Jus cos ur a n00b @ txting - man , if u wrnt my xlnt yf...actually, ICAM. I h8 txting.

OrangeMoJoJo said...

I'm calling you RIGHT NOW.