Watchmen - No Spoilers!

My only one piece of advice before you see Watchmen: READ THE BOOK FIRST!!! It's such a good book. I found the movie to be a lovely companion to the book, but I don't think I would have enjoyed it nearly as much or followed it as well as I did if I'd gone in "cold." That said, you can skip over the pirate subplot in the book. I mean, I couldn't because my OCD wouldn't allow it, but you can. It isn't in the movie, and, though it's a good story in itself, it can be distracting.

I thought the director did a fantastic job of sticking to the text, though he did allude to things in the book that were not explained, so he could have, expounded a bit on the Keane Act, for example, or left it out all together. He also changed the ending a bit, which I thought made it even better.

Shannon and I went to see Watchmen last Saturday morning at 10:30. After reading a few reviews I was concerned that it might not be that as fantastic as I'd hoped, but ANYTHING would be better than the crap Saturday morning cartoons they have on these days! Honestly, whatever happened to Looney Toons? Kids today don't know how good we had it!

The beginning of Watchmen was amazing. There was a 3-way tie for The Best Part Of The Movie According To Me among opening credits, John Winchester, erm, I mean, Jeffrey Dean Morgan's performance as The Comedian, and Jackie Earle Haley's performance as Rorschach. The movie ran was 2 hours, 40 minutes, and it really flew by.

Don't read the rest of this until after you've seen the movie. It's not a spoiler, but I don't want to color your view! And after you've seen the movie, tell me, which Watchman are you? I think I would be Nite Owl II with Rorschach tendencies...

No, if I was a vigilante, I would be Rorschach with some Nite Owl II tendencies.

Hermann Rorschach
I make all of my dinner reservations under "Herman." COINCIDENCE???


I CANNOT STRESS how GODAWFULTERRIBLE Malin Akerman's acting was as Silk Spectre II. She. SUCKED. From the love scene where Akerman's acting like she's filming a back-room porno for $50 bucks and a case of Zima, of which she's drunk half, and the director made the unfortunate, moronic move of using Leonard Cohen's version of "Hallellujah" as the backround music (It was SO BAD I was laughing through it to keep from crying. SO. BAD.) to the end of the film, this bimbo gave her co-actors, excuse me, the actors who were forced to work with her useless ass, NOTHING to work with. She was awful. AWFUL! She shouldn't even be awarded a Razzie, she should just be turned away from and her existence quietly and completely forgotten. I'm sorry, I'm sure there are people out there who love her very much. Those people should surround her, preferably with soundproof foam, and keep her as far as possible from Hollywood and it's cameras, especially those Hollywood cameras that utilize motion and sound. The only reason I can fathom she had been cast was because she had legs up to Mars, where, incidentally, she ends up at one point. Shannon and I agreed that Apollonia Vanova (Silhouette), a character who had ZERO LINES, was FAR more compelling than The Silk Spectacle. I think the ONLY reason the director could give that he'd cast Akerman instead of Vanova as Silk Speculum is that Akerman was the perfect comic-book-formula height of one-half-head shorter than Nite Owl, whereas Vanova looked as though she'd tower over him. The very least they could have done was to switch the Silk Spectre I and II actors, so we would have seen Carla Gugino, an actress who can, well, act, through a much larger percentage of the movie than we were forced to endure Akerman.

That said, the rest of the movie was great, but from that godawful love scene on, every time Silk Spectre II (again, not to be confused with Silk Spectre I, who is actually a good actress (check her out in Sin City!) was in a scene, I did have to consciously keep myself from rolling my eyes. And Akerman was in A LOT of the movie. So my eyes were really sore by the end of it. In retrospect, going for a bathroom break or for some popcorn at the first strains of "Hallelujah" would have increased my enjoyment of the film exponentially.


Shannon said...

What was REALLY AMAZING was the David Bowie "cameo" in the opening credits! So cool! Wasn't it, honey? No REAL Bowie fan could have missed it! Not in his shiny suit with big hair and a circle painted on his forehead! No way!

OrangeMoJoJo said...

I can't BELIEVE I missed that!!

I'd watch that opening 100 times and never get sick of it, though, while playing "Spot the Bowie!"