23.7.09

I Wish Rupert Had Consulted His Rock Star Twin Before Going Under the Knife

So when I started this post, I'd written "Steve Perry and Rupert Everett: Separated At Birth?" which was hilarious because the only way Steve Perry resembles Rupert Everett is.... well, they don't resemble each other at all. Not really.

I mean, sure, they both have brown hair, but that's where the similarity ends.

Steve Perry sings on-very-high-key and Rupert sings badly off-key backup vocals for Madonna's crappy remakes. Steve Perry is a mascot for the Chicago Sox


and Rupert Everett may have dated a baseball star. Or not. For someone so open about his sexuality he sure keeps his private life private. Also Steve Perry seems like a pretty nice guy, whereas Rupert Everett proves he's an ignorant, shallow jerk every time he opens his mouth.

Anywhozits, we can safely conclude that Steve Perry does not resemble Rupert Everett in any way. You know who else does not resemble Rupert Everett?

Rupert Everett.

I came across a current photo of Rupert that made me choke and sputter into my fat free Stonyfield vanilla yogurt:



This right here totally calls for a string of interrobangs



For the love of all things orange what did he do to his face I'm sorry, but is he looking to break into the game show marketI hadn't heard.

He went from this:



to this:



to this:




to this:



to this



to this:


to this


to this

(DEFINITELY showing some work done here)

To the game show host shot I showed you earlier.

Whoa.

Now back to the reason for my original post's title. I'd typed Steve Perry but I MEANT JOE Perry, of Aerosmith fame. He strongly resembles a younger Mr. Everett.



It's almost eerie. They're even about the same height. However, RE never called on Joe to consult with him about plastic surgeons. And I could be wrong, but I'm guessing Joe might have had some work done.



You see, he's 9 years older than Rupert Everett. RE was born in 1959; Perry in 1950. And, too, Perry is with Aerosmith. A band not known for sedate easy listening and early bedtimes. Aerosmith is to, say, The Jonas Brothers what rabid tasmanian devils are to downy baby chickens. Or downy semi-clad blondes.


(I'm pretty sure Steven Tyler is NOT wearing a ring on his left finger for the same reason as Joe Jonas)

So, yeah. Joe Perry is no downy chicken. Nor is he blonde.

This metaphor has totally gotten away from me some how....?

But he has been with Aerosmith since the mid-seventies. So he should not look like this:


He should look a wee bit more like this:



Yet for all the nasty things RE had to say about Michael Jackson and his multiple surgeries (I'm not going to link to them because they're really just dumb), he seems to have be frequenting MJ's surgeon. He has an older, better looking version of himself to turn to in Joe Perry, a version that has been doing a pretty stunning job of looking, well, Perry actually resembles himself, yet Everett chooses instead to go to the guy they used as a consultant for Repo! The Genetic Opera.

Though instead of the package that MJ had signed up for ("Whiter Than White, Disappearing Nose, Propofol for Personal At-Home Use"), he's opted for the the Classic 1980s Game Show Host package: "'Flesh' (the 1979 Crayola crayon color), Bruce Campbell Chin, 5cc Botox PRN expression."


Though imittion is the highest form of flattery!

2 comments:

shannon said...

This post was like a roller coaster ride - cruise along, think you know where you're headed and *bam* into a dive, then *wham* into a sharp curve and *smack* into a sudden twisty-spiral finally ending up more or less where you started. Quite the ride, in short.

OrangeMoJoJo said...

Like the Z-Force of blog entries! Man, I swear that roller coaster gave me whiplash. Good times!

Now I want to go to Great America.

I've wanted to do a blog on REs surgery, and one on how he and Joe Perry resemble eachother, so I thought I'd combine 'em. I didn't say I'd do it well, but you wanted an entry TODAY! (o;