OrangeBlog

5TH ANNUAL "SCARE THE BEJEEBUS OUTTA ORANGEMOJOJO" CONTEST!

2010-10-05T20:38:00.030-05:00

This blog has been dead for OVER A YEAR. I have resurrected it for this very important annual event:

THE FIFTH ANNUAL "SCARE THE BEJEEBUS OUTTA ORANGE MOJOJO" CONTEST!!!

The time from, say my birthday (mid-August) through early November is, in my mind, the Halloween Season. And we're in the thick of it RIGHT NOW!!

I've always loved Halloween, and all things horrific and terrifying. All places have their ghost stories, but Chicago is unique. Just like everywhere else.

We have John Dillinger running for eternity outside the Biograph. We have the legend of Al Capone and his mob. Resurrection Mary. The devil baby of Hull House. Clarence Darrow walking and pondering and pondering and walking behind the Museum of Science and Industry. We have Batchelor's Grove and Cuba Road. We have haunted restaurants that may not be haunted anynmore becaues the new owners went and gutted them then reopened as yuppie joynts (NOT THAT I'M BITTER, YUPPIE TEQUILA BAR!!!), and we have urban legends about gang members following you home from the gas station if you flash your headlights at them to alert them that they're driving with their lights off. We have Cabrini Green, the Robert Taylor Homes and the Henry Horner Homes. We have the Candyman. We have the abandoned slaughterhouses.

And I. Want. More.

SO! Send me your suggestions for the scariest books and stories you've ever written. It doesn't have to be fiction. It doesn't have to be horror in the classic sense. I just want a book to read on Halloween that will worm it's way into my brain, causing me to lose sleep until Thanksgiving.

I HAVE been reading on my own, a story a day in fact, since late September.

But it's SO much more fun when PRIZES are involved! Whomever sends me the scariest suggestion will be sent a treat.

And for those of you on FaceBook - I'll be shipping out smaller treats just for guessing where the quote came from - one a day. No Googling!! I'll know if you've cheated with the help of my familiar, Earl:

The last four winners were:

House of Leaves - Mark Danielewski (Hemlighet Forfattaren)
In Cold Blood - Truman Capote (Kelly)
The Exorcist - William Peter Blatty (Papa Schu)
The Sineater - Elizabeth Massey (Nepi)

Suggestions thus far (the list gets shorter every year!! HELP!!):

The Watcher - Charles MacLean (Nepi)
The Passage - Justin Cronin (Papa Schu)
Vigil - Robert Masello (Shannon)
The Fall - Guillermo del Toro (Werewolf Boy)
Going Rogue - Sarah Palin (Shivvs)
Waste Land: The Savage Odyssey of Charles Starkweather and Caril Ann Fugate
- Mike Newton (Nickname TBD); "or the Book of Revelations."
The Black Dagger Brotherhood series - JR Ward (NikkiM)
"The End of the Party" - Graham Greene (Anonymous)
I Am the Cheese - Robert Cormier (ThunderKitten)
The Boss - Mike Royko (Mash)

Brave New World - Adolf Huxley
"Carmilla" - LeFanu

Carrion Comfort - Dan Simmons
"The Casting of the Runes" - MR James
The Castle of Otranto - Horace Walpole
The Company of Liars - Karen Maitland
"Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde" - Robert Louis Stevenson
Dracula - Bram Stroker
Dracula, The Undead - Dacre Stoker and Ian Holt
The Exorcist - William Peter Blatty
The Family - Ed Sanders
Frankenstein - Mary Shelley
Ghost Story - Peter Straub
Good Omens - Neil Gaiman
The Graveyard Book - Neil Gaiman
Harvest Home - Thomas Tryon
Haunted - Chuck Palahniuk
Helter Skelter - Vincent Bugliosi and Curt Gentry
The Hot Zone - Robert Preston
House of Leaves - Mark Danielewski
The House on Haunted Hill - Shirley Jackson
The Housing Boom and Bust - Thomas Sowell
In Cold Blood - Truman Capote
Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
The Keep - Paul Wilson
Kraken - China Mieville
The Last Coin - James P. Blaylock
"Miriam" - Truman Capote
The Monk - Matthew Lewis
"The Monkey's Paw" by W.W. Jacobs
The Moonstone - Wilke Collins
Necroscope - Brian Lumley
The Omen by David Seltzer
The Other - Thomas Tryon

The Owl Killers - Karen Maitland

Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier
The Road - Cormac McCarthy
Rosemary's Baby by Ira Levin
The Ruins by Scott Smith
Seven Gothic Tales by Isak Dineson
Shadowland by Peter Straub
Sineater - Elizabeth Massey

Something Wicked This Way Comes - Ray Bradbury

The Song of Kali - Dan Simmons
The Strain - Guillermo del Toro
Swan Song - Robert McCammon
The Terror - Dan Simmons
The Trial - Franz Kafka
The Turn of the Screw - Henry James
Twilight - Stephanie Meyer (don't get me started.)
Vathek - William Beckford
Weiland - Charles Brockden Brown
The Woman in White - Wilke Collins
World War Z - Max Brooks
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

The Fourth Annual "Scare the Bejeebus Outta OrangeMoJoJo Contest"

2009-10-19T19:08:00.060-05:00

"I have, indeed, no abhorrence of danger, except in its absolute effect - in terror."

-Edgar Allen Poe

HELL-OOOOOOOO-ooooooooooo??? I know it's been a while. Are you still there?

I'm sorry it's been so long. I've been a little tied up lately.

I'm really sorry to have left you hanging,

but you know I couldn't stay silent for long -

ESPECIALLY now that it's so close to Halloween!

I considered punishing all who doubted my return, but I chose to be merciful in making an example of only one of you. Don't make me come at you through your computer screen again, Rev.

Pic of Rev after I attacked him through his computer screen while he was typing in snarky comments about my "cobwebby blog."

I know this is getting more and more difficult every year, because few of you share my love of horror,

the macabre,

the wonderfully weird;

that delicious feeling of ice in your gut that bleeds to your bone marrow,

and turns your legs to stone.

This year I've come up with an extra-special treat for the winner of my little contest. Considering the length of my list (see bottom, erm, nearly the whole bottom half of this post, really), it's seriously amazing I get any response at all.

Well-written horror is thin on the ground, and I've read a lot of it.

A lot, but not all.

If there's a book out there or a story that I've missed, please let me know. Halloween is only a couple of weeks away and it's on a SATURDAY! Which means I'll get to stay up late. Really really late.

Hopefully scared ****less because of a book YOU recommended!

It's my thang.

If you send me the scariest title, I will send you a treat. And the book does not have to be classic horror. I mean, I love a well-written vampire-zombie chiller, but if you found a true crime story, a mystery/thriller - even a book by a Bronte (Wuthering Heights was a good suggestion, Mu!) - to be unnerving, that totally counts.

The last three winners were:

House of Leaves - Mark Danielewski (Hemlighet Forfattaren)
In Cold Blood - Truman Capote (Kelly)
The Exorcist - William Peter Blatty (Papa Schu)

Suggestions thus far:

Something Wicked This Way Comes - Ray Bradbury (Eevam)
The Owl Killers - Karen Maitland (Momster)
Brave New World - Adolf Huxley (Mere)
The Housing Boom and Bust - Thomas Sowell (DRoll)
Harvest Home - Thomas Tryon (Uncle George)
The Hot Zone - Robert Preston (Liz)
The Witching Hour - Anne Rice (Beth)
Sineater - Elizabeth Massey (Nepi)
Haunted - Chuck Palahniuk (Paul I)
The Vampire Lestat - Anne Rice (Aunt Sandy)
Carrion Comfort - Dan Simmons (Shannon)
Blindness - Jose Saramego (Evan)
Dracula, The Undead - Dacre Stoker and Ian Holt (Werewolf Boy)

OrangeMoJoJo's List of Banned ('cuz I've read 'em) Books:

Anything by Laurell Hamilton
Anything by Thomas Harris
Anything by Nathanial Hawthorne
Anything by Stephen King
Anything by Dean Koontz
Anything by HP Lovecraft
Anything by Robert McCammon
Anything by Edgar Allen Poe
Anything by Anne Rice

American Gods - Neil Gaiman
The Amityville Horror by Jay Anson
Battle Royale - Koushun Takami
Blood Meridian - Cormac McCarthy
"The Casting of the Runes" - MR James
The Castle of Otranto - Horace Walpole
The Company of Liars - Karen Maitland
"Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde" - Robert Louis Stevenson
Dracula - Bram Stroker
The Exorcist - William Peter Blatty
The Family - Ed Sanders
Frankenstein - Mary Shelley
Ghost Story - Peter Straub
Good Omens - Neil Gaiman
The Graveyard Book - Neil Gaiman
Helter Skelter - Vincent Bugliosi and Curt Gentry
House of Leaves - Mark Danielewski
The House on Haunted Hill - Shirley Jackson
In Cold Blood - Truman Capote
Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
The Keep - Paul Wilson
The Last Coin - James P. Blaylock
"Miriam" - Truman Capote
The Monk - Matthew Lewis
"The Monkey's Paw" by W.W. Jacobs
The Moonstone - Wilke Collins
Necroscope - Brian Lumley
The Omen by David Seltzer
The Other - Thomas Tryon
Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier
The Road - Cormac McCarthy
Rosemary's Baby by Ira Levin
The Ruins by Scott Smith
Seven Gothic Tales by Isak Dineson
Shadowland by Peter Straub
The Song of Kali - Dan Simmons
Swan Song - Robert McCammon
The Terror - Dan Simmons
The Trial - Franz Kafka
The Turn of the Screw - Henry James
Twilight - - Stephanie Meyer
Vathek - William Beckford
Weiland - Charles Brockden Brown
The Woman in White - Wilke Collins
World War Z - Max Brooks
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

Dude, The Fireys are BACK!

2009-08-28T14:38:00.006-05:00

Remember the Fireys? Those playful muppets from the movie Labyrinth who wanted to play catch with Sarah's head? God, I wish they'd succeeded. She was an annoy-ING whiner-butt! Anyhoo, they sang a song called "Chilly Down" while they flew their heads around by their flappy ears. Here's the clip:

Now listen to this song called "Zoomba" by a band SUPPOSEDLY called the Starlight Mints and TELL me this isn't the Fireys reunited. Maybe they lost the rights to their original name or something. Maybe the original drummer, Firey 5*, refused to agree to join the band or sell the rights to the name to the other 4 members, Firey 1, Firey 2, Firey 3, and Firey 4 because he (or she - never really knew the sex of those things) was still totally bitter over some incident where they were goofing off and they threw his head too far and it landed in The Bog of Stench and got stuck there in the muck and he had to listen to that other uber-annoying character, Sir Didymus, yammer on and on and on and ON for DAYS before he was finally able roll himself out by the use of sheer will and ear-power, only to find his so-called "friends" had totally not even NOTICED he was gone because they were too busy trying eachothers heads on his body and laughing insanely EVERY SINGLE TIME because that shit just never gets old.

Dude, it's EERIE - the exact same thing that happened to the Doors, but without the Bog or the dog or the rolling one's head like a log.

(I do love Fridays!)

*Why incidentally, were there three Firey 5s? Was this some kind of Spinal Tap exploding drummer situation? I would imagine any band member would be in danger, really, not just the drummer. They all did tend to get a bit wild.

Best Food Blog EVER

2009-08-27T15:37:00.007-05:00

Luxirare.com. This is not food porn, it's food performance art.

Food is turned into pieces of art by a guy dressed in white down to his snazzy platform shoes.

Somehow he pulls off matching a white belt to a pair of white shoes without invoking Herb Tarlek.

I don't know why I read the text of this blog with a German accent? I mean, in my head, of course. I keep thinking of "Sprockets," but this blog is white on white whereas Dieter was more black on black:

Watching that "Sprockets" clip made me as happy as a little girl!

It's Official:

2009-08-27T11:59:00.003-05:00

I no longer resemble Sandra Bullock.

So when you see her from now on, I ask that you don't think of me. This is how I want to be remembered:

Because unless I've had one to many glasses of Pinot at a mardi-gras-themed restaurant and I lose a bet, I'll never wear something with a top where they've pinned different colored napkins or other sundry table linens to my boobs.

Or satin, for that matter.

Or those shoes.

Unless they're really comfy.

And then I'll only wear them with jeans.

I Didn't Realize They Allowed Anime Comics

2009-08-18T15:08:00.002-05:00

...to participate in America's Next Top Model? The contestant on the right proves me wrong.

Hey! Look Who's Back!

2009-08-18T14:40:00.002-05:00

Again.

He's done the pendulum swing, going from a legend who commanded respect - especially from the Bears - to the butt-end of jokes made by the Bears.

Dude! Get a hobby!!

Coincidence?

2009-08-18T13:40:00.006-05:00

I received a letter from my insurance company stating that two of my medications are no longer listed on their formulary. Seeing as I already pay $15 over the copay for each of them I don't know what this is going to mean to my wallet, but whatever it is, I'll just have to pay it. They did helpfully offer me a "generic alternative" for each of them, though! How swell of them! See, a generic alternative is NOT the same as a generic equivalent. An alternative is not the same medicine as the brand, whereas an equivalent is the same medicine. For example, Zyrtec, an allergy medicine, has no generic equivalent. Not yet. Zyrtec is citirizine HCl, but generic drug makers cannot make cetirizine HCl until Pfizer's patent runs out. A generic alternative to Zyrtec would be loratidine, the generic equivalent of Claritin. With me so far? The only thing these two drugs - Zyrtec and loratadine - have in common is that they're both prescribed for allergies. They are NOT the same drug. Patients are being told to ask their doctors for generic alternatives because they are cheaper than the brand name meds that currently have no generic equivalents available, not because they've been proven to work as well for the patient.

I have no problem with generic equivalents. With very few exceptions (such as blood thinners and thyroid medications) they are exactly the same medicine as what's in the pricier brand names. If a generic is available, I'll happily switch to it. Unfortunately, two of the medications that I'm currently taking have no such equivalent, not yet. I'd tried the cheaper "alternative" medications for each of them for months before switching to the pricier brand, and I'd switched to the new medications because the old ones didn't work for me. One of them even gave me some nasty side effects that I don't suffer from with the newer medicine.

So now I get this letter telling me to ask my doctor to switch me to these two alternative medicines in order to save myself some money. Yes, they do define what a generic alternative is in a footnote, but I'm thinking quite a few people are going to see the words "no longer covered" and "generic" and they're going to call their docs right then and there.

What gets me about this is our insurance is REALLY FREAKING EXPENSIVE. Like, SERIOUSLY expensive. So why the letter? I'm sure I'm not the only one who got one. Why the corner cutting? And why now? Why were these drugs taken off the formulary now when I've been taking them both for over 7 years?

Could it be they're paying more out to lobbyists and politicians to try and cut off any changes to the existing health care system from which they are making bajillions of dollars, and they need every buck they can get to fight the switch to a universal health care program, or even a competitive co-op program? Call me a cynic, but the timing is pretty coincidental.

I Wish Rupert Had Consulted His Rock Star Twin Before Going Under the Knife

2009-07-23T15:00:00.030-05:00

So when I started this post, I'd written "Steve Perry and Rupert Everett: Separated At Birth?" which was hilarious because the only way Steve Perry resembles Rupert Everett is.... well, they don't resemble each other at all. Not really.

I mean, sure, they both have brown hair, but that's where the similarity ends.

Steve Perry sings on-very-high-key and Rupert sings badly off-key backup vocals for Madonna's crappy remakes. Steve Perry is a mascot for the Chicago Sox

and Rupert Everett may have dated a baseball star. Or not. For someone so open about his sexuality he sure keeps his private life private. Also Steve Perry seems like a pretty nice guy, whereas Rupert Everett proves he's an ignorant, shallow jerk every time he opens his mouth.

Anywhozits, we can safely conclude that Steve Perry does not resemble Rupert Everett in any way. You know who else does not resemble Rupert Everett?

Rupert Everett.

I came across a current photo of Rupert that made me choke and sputter into my fat free Stonyfield vanilla yogurt:

This right here totally calls for a string of interrobangs

‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽ ‽

For the love of all things orange what did he do to his face‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽ I'm sorry, but is he looking to break into the game show market‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽ I hadn't heard.

He went from this:

to this:

to this:

to this:

to this

to this:

to this

to this

(DEFINITELY showing some work done here)

To the game show host shot I showed you earlier.

Whoa.

Now back to the reason for my original post's title. I'd typed Steve Perry but I MEANT JOE Perry, of Aerosmith fame. He strongly resembles a younger Mr. Everett.

It's almost eerie. They're even about the same height. However, RE never called on Joe to consult with him about plastic surgeons. And I could be wrong, but I'm guessing Joe might have had some work done.

You see, he's 9 years older than Rupert Everett. RE was born in 1959; Perry in 1950. And, too, Perry is with Aerosmith. A band not known for sedate easy listening and early bedtimes. Aerosmith is to, say, The Jonas Brothers what rabid tasmanian devils are to downy baby chickens. Or downy semi-clad blondes.

(I'm pretty sure Steven Tyler is NOT wearing a ring on his left finger for the same reason as Joe Jonas)

So, yeah. Joe Perry is no downy chicken. Nor is he blonde.

This metaphor has totally gotten away from me some how....?

But he has been with Aerosmith since the mid-seventies. So he should not look like this:

He should look a wee bit more like this:

Yet for all the nasty things RE had to say about Michael Jackson and his multiple surgeries (I'm not going to link to them because they're really just dumb), he seems to have be frequenting MJ's surgeon. He has an older, better looking version of himself to turn to in Joe Perry, a version that has been doing a pretty stunning job of looking, well, Perry actually resembles himself, yet Everett chooses instead to go to the guy they used as a consultant for Repo! The Genetic Opera.

Though instead of the package that MJ had signed up for ("Whiter Than White, Disappearing Nose, Propofol for Personal At-Home Use"), he's opted for the the Classic 1980s Game Show Host package: "'Flesh' (the 1979 Crayola crayon color), Bruce Campbell Chin, 5cc Botox PRN expression."

Though imittion is the highest form of flattery!

"Nothing I Can Do

2009-07-01T14:18:00.001-05:00

It's (a literal translation of) a Total Eclipse of the Heart:"

More Pics From Wales, Day 1 (13 June, 2009)

2009-07-01T09:50:00.016-05:00

Wind turbines along the A494

I'm surprised to find I didn't take very many pictures of the cottage we stayed in until later in the week. I must have been just too exhausted to think to do anything but crash as soon as we arrived and sorted out who was sleeping where, so please enjoy some more pics of Rug Chapel.

Flower boxes along the fence leading to the gift shop/entrance to the Chapel grounds

Funky plant outside front door of gift shop

Rug Chapel

Baptismal font (note the writing is in Welsh)

The pews were carved from one piece of wood.

Detail in the molding. There's a different animal/figure in the center of each panel.

Stained glass windows on side wall

Wooden chandelier. My dad said "This place reminds me of New Glarus," which goes along with Tom and Sioban's theme that Wales is the Wisconsin of the UK. You can see the railing for the small balcony in the background.

Ceiling above the altar painted with stars and angels. You can barely make out the date painted on the crossbeam: 1637.

Beautifully painted crossbeam and fun squiggly painted ceiling

Chapel's exterior

My first pic of the Welsh countryside taken from the Rug Chapel parking lot

There are some more excellent pictures here. I have a real problem with lighting inside dark old buildings. The flash is too harsh and washes everything out (ie: the chandelier), but you risk not seeing anything at all (ie: the detailed carving along the sides of the pews) if you don't use a flash.

We didn't see nearby Llangar All Saints Church which I'm totally kicking myself for now. It's not easy to get to, and you do have to arrange for a key, so going on the same day as Rug was out of the question. We toyed with coming back on our way back to the airport, but there was just too much to do and see so it fell through the cracks. Llangor Church is a much older church, parts of which were built in the 15th century, and several of the features - including the wall paintings - have been preserved.

Including this one, painted in the 17th century:

Skeleton, with grave digging tools at the ready, holding an arrow aimed at the congregation.

Feelin' Minnesota! (part deux)

2009-06-30T14:59:00.003-05:00

FINALLY.

This should make things interesting! I'll start the popcorn.

WAWES! Day 1 (13 June, 2009)

2009-06-30T11:19:00.018-05:00

First off, before we left, I had to train myself to stop referring to the country of our destination as "WAWES!*" as we were now to be surrounded by actual Welsh people.

A few days before we left, I called the owner of the house to arrange for our arrival that Saturday. After speaking for a minute or two, she asked politely, "I'm sorry, I don't recognize your accent. Which part of Ireland** are you from?"

"Chicago."

"....Oh."

The Welsh don't get many international travellers. Tom referred to it a "The Wisconsin of the UK" as all the vacationers we saw there were from Britain. Less than 4% of international travellers choose Wales as a destination, and of those, most favor the south (ie: Cardiff, home of Torchwood).

This suited us just fine.

Seven of us were slated to converge at a house located on a farm in northern Wales: my parents, Tom and Sioban, Greg, Shannon and myself. We'd all travelled together at different times, so we were looking forward to a relaxing week in good company. Greg left about 10 days early to tool about Ireland, and Tom and Sioban took the opportunity to head to Dublin for a few days beforehand to visit a relative, so that left the four of us SchuetterRiordans to head to Manchester on a nonstop flight from O'Hare. By the time they'd boarded their 25 minute flight from Dublin at 2:30PM on Saturday, the four of us were already at the house.

Our uneventful flight left at 5:40PM on June 12, and we arrived at Manchester at 7AM, UK time. None of us slept particularly well, but we weren't exhausted, either. Papa Schuetter had bought us each an inflatable travel pillow which helped me doze (I never really sleep on planes). The pillow was rectangular and soft, and was designed to be placed on the tray table in front of you so you could lean forward and snooze, just like time out in grade school. Mine wasn't quite high enough (the guy in front of me had his seat reclined to just about my lap), but I did zone out after setting my iPod to an archived "Little White Earbuds" podcast devoted to trance music. It was like being in a spa, only, not at all like, really.

We picked up our luggage (mine bright, flowery ORANGE!!!)

and headed off through customs. Momster and Papa Schuetter took several minutes longer than us (it was a bit of a maze in there what with all the THIS WAY!!! and DO NOT ENTER!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? I SAID THIS WAY!!! and NONONONO!!! TURN AROUND!! FOLLOW THE RED LINE ON THE FLOOR, WOULD YOU???!!! signs) so I ran in for some caffeine in the form of 2 Cokes (diet for me) for us drivers. Shannon and I had planned to take turns driving, but he never relinquished the wheel, which both surprised and delighted me. (o:

The clerk in the shop greeted me with a Manchester "You alright, Love?" as I walk in, which made me beam. Haven't heard a Manchester greeting in AGES (winter of 1999 to be exact!)! I grab the 2 Cokes from the fridge and put them on the counter while I fish out my change purse. "2 pounds 68 please." I popped out what I thought were three pounds - a 2-pound coin and a 1-pound coin. Barely looking at what I'd put on the counter the clerk pushes the 1-pound coin right back at me. "Euro." AH! Note: the 10 p Euro looks a lot like a pound coin. I fish out the 1-pound coin, get my change, and by the time I'm out of the shop my parents have joined us.

Picking up the car was no trouble after we'd found the rental counter (turns out it WAS the one marked "HERTZ RENTAL" on the first floor about 50 feet from where we were originally standing before we decided they were trying to screw with us by labelling it so clearly), and we were upgraded from a "Jetta-equivalent" to an Audi A4 sedan.

SWEEEEET!!!!

Which in retrospect MAY be why Shannon didn't mind driving the entire week.

We were on our way.

We drove out of the airport which was thankfully located on the Welsh (west) side of Manchester so we wouldn't have to deal with early rush hour traffic, and then drove around Chester because we were going to stay in a hotel there the last night of our vacation. We drove on pretty major roads (the M56 to the A 494), meaning the two lanes were actually wide enough to be marked by a dividing line (although, some of the roads we were to drive on that week were not wide enough to be marked by a dividing line, and there was one there anyway.). In order to pass the time we made a couple of stops - most of which involved food. First, though, we stopped at Rug Chapel which was conveniently located within 5 miles of everyone needing a stretch and a potty break.

Rug (pronounced "hhhreeeegh." Sort of.) Chapel was a beautiful little chapel. I'll post more pics of it in the next post (most of my Wales pics are at home - I'm cannibalizing my Facebook album for this post). Rug had many great features, including a baptismal font whose lettering was all in Welsh (very unusual!!). My favorite feature, though, will be of no surprise to anyone: a wall memorial featuring a skull and a skeleton.

Shannon signed us up to become members of Etifeddiaeth Ysbrydoledig (Inspirational Heritage), and Momster and Papa Schuetter became members as well. Our membership would get us in to any Cadw site, and, as most of the historic sites we were planning on visiting during our stay were Cadw sites, coupled with the fact that there was a 10 pound discount on the membership that day, it was sure to pay for itself. Bonus: the packet came with a Cadw Heritage bumper sticker for HedgeWitch! Now I've got the English National Trust sticker on the front window and Cadw Heritage on the back window. My car looks VERY continental.

Wales is known for its chapels. Much smaller than most churches and certainly most cathedrals, chapels are EVERYWHERE in Wales, and they range from very ornate to very simple.

We drove on, refreshed, until we hit Ruthin. By now we were just over halfway to our destination. Ruthin featured a semi-permanent farmer's market. The rooms were mobile, but each was pretty well established, what with a cash register, electricity, cases for their (somewhat extensive and specialized) wares. One of the rooms was a gourmet/organic shop full of cheeses and biscuits and chocolates and sauces and fillings of all kinds. I was really feeling the jetlag by this point so I didn't buy anything, though some of the freshly made refrigerated Indian dinners looked REALLY tempting. It was warm out, and I didn't want to risk them spoiling if we couldn't get in the cottage right away. The thought of actually choosing different ingredients to incorporate to form a dish was way beyond me at this point.

We drove on.

The car was really pretty quiet by this point and we were all tired, even more so than we were hungry even though it was well past noon by now.

We pulled into Dolgellau (pronounced "Dolkheghhuhleee" "Dolkheghhuhlayyy"or "Dolghekhhhuhlayyy***" or "D-Town" as Tom and Sioban wisely dubbed it) and parked at 1:51 (I know this because that's what our parking sticker says).

CRUMBLIES! (I LOVE that road sign!)
Momster and Papa Schuetter with groceries from Dolgellau Fresh Foods.

After walking around briefly and finding more food at another small gourmet shop - this one with fresh fruit to boot! - we had lunch at a tea shop (meh - the fish and chips were okay, but: no clotted cream!!! and only fruit scones. Blargh.) then we did some actual grocery shopping at Somerfield.

Now, we'd all been to the UK several times before and things looked pretty much the way they did in England from the road with one obvious exception: Mountains. And chapels. Two. Two exceptions. Oh, and the signs were all in Welsh. Three exceptions. We were staying in southern Snowdonia and there were mountains EVERYWHERE. There was even a path leading to Snowdonia State Park that you could start from the Dolgellau parking lot, which Momster and I found out a few days later.

We found the cottage with no problem, and it. was. BEAUTIFUL. (again, the pics are at home so I'll post them later). The owners, Maia and Davvyd, were very warm and friendly and helpful. They made us feel right at home and left us "to our tea" as soon as they knew we were settled. There were 5 bedrooms for the 7 of us, each of which was charming in its own way. The kitchen was huge and cozy and had a table big enough for us all to sit around for dinner or a rousing game of Settlers of Catan. There were two mountains, literally, in the backyard. There were five beautiful, friendly dogs. There were dozens of sheep, and lambs! There were lambs! So cute!!! There was even a horse. I don't remember doing much else after we'd settled in on Saturday, but I'm sure food was involved. Tom, Sioban and Greg arrived around 6 and we were well rested by then (I treat myself to a 2-hour nap on the day of a journey to stave off the jetlag, and I'm pretty much fine the rest of the week).

I'd brought The Strain by Guillermo del Toro!!! and Enduring Love by Ian McEwan (at Naomi's suggestion!) with me. I must have read that night because Enduring Love was finished by the end of day 2, which I'll write about tomorrow...

* Tom and I did a scene in improv practice where we were Welsh, but we didn't quite know what the accent sounded like, so we decided to settle on "speech-impaired Cockney 1800s Street Urchin." Needless to say, it totally stuck.

** question based on our Irish surname.

***you know it's a difficult language when you live near a town for over a week and still can't even come CLOSE to pronouncing it correctly.

I Will Be Away From My Desk

2009-06-11T14:11:00.005-05:00

And indeed away from all other forms of communication for the next 9 days.

(view out the back window of the cottage we're renting)

Please leave a message and I will get back to you when I return from WALES!

Feeling (Out) Minnesota

2009-06-11T10:42:00.008-05:00

I haven't really thought of a good blog entry to go on "Pustules" and "Pirates." But I will. Some day. I still owe Shannon one on "Rain" and "Odd Pet Names" as well. The list grows.....

But there are several people and situations in the news of late who bring to mind pustules festering on the ass of society: murdering neo-nazi skinhead thugs; terrorist murderers of medical surgeons who perform abortions,.... Let's just say I guess it's a good thing that I'm not in charge. Although that's debatable. I'd save the government a LOT of money. So, yeah! The word "pustules" has definitely been a lot on my mind, and I haven't forgotten that I owe you an entry inspired by that word.

Anyhoodles, before I overboil with impotent hatred for these..... "people," coupled with dreamy visions of becoming a REALLY creative vigilante, I'm going to change the subject to what's been on my mind this morning. Maybe you can help me out:

Soooooo, Al Franken was awarded about $95,000 in legal fees, which suggests to me that he won the case, right? He's now the senator of Minnesota, right? He won the senate seat?

But he hasn't been seated? Waiwaiwaiwai-what? He won the case. The court ruled that he won. He had 312 more votes than the other guy, you know, the one who lost. They awarded Franken money because he proved that he won. Why isn't he being seated RIGHT NOW??? I realize it's only been since NOVEMBER, what's another, say, year, but come ON!

Pirates and Pustules

2009-06-02T11:15:00.003-05:00

Or maybe pirates WITH pustules...?

Thanks, um, so much, really, to both of you for your suggestions. I'll use them both for my next post.....

Comparing The Windowy Buildings Opposite the Orange Girls' Offices

2009-06-02T10:32:00.011-05:00

OrangeGirl's view:

My view:

Kind of similar, eh? I'll have to get a pic when the sun's just rising and it shines more orange, though.

I totally covet that office there in the far right corner. See those dots along the railing? Four in the pic above and three in the pic below?

They're vultures.

I took these pics with my camera phone (no zoom??? Come ON!) so I apologize for the quality. Now that the vultures are back (we see up to 7 at a time circling over the forest preserve or perched on that railing or both) I'll have to remember to bring my digital camera to get you some better shots. They're facing into that primo estate, top-floor office. I don't know if you can tell, but two of them have their wings spread to dry in the early morning sun, so they're facing into the office with their wings fanned out. How creepy cool would that be!??! I dream of having that office with my desk facing the center of the room with my back to the window so when I called in subordinates to give them their reviews or listen to their reports or whatever, I could really mess with them psychologically. Those ginormous birds would be staring in, leaning forward, wings spread, while I said something like, "Jenkins, you were in charge of the Shearwater file, correct? So what I can't understand is why they suddenly dropped us - after two full months of preparation and negotiation - and took their $17.2-billion-dollar account to Wachovia. Would you care to explain?"

Unlike Mr. Burns, I would have a crisp English accent, and I'd dress solemnly in deep greys with no adornment aside from maybe one of those silver, sharp finger spikes on my right middle finger.

You know, the kind that vampires use in Laurell Hamilton stories to pierce the jugular.

My ORANGE!!! Docs would be hidden beneath my desk.

Not that I've given this much thought or anything! But if climbing the corporate ladder means getting that office, I'm heading to REI for some mountain gear after work.

What She Said.

2009-06-02T09:30:00.000-05:00

NEW TOPIC!!

2009-06-01T14:14:00.007-05:00

Somebody throw me a word, any word, and I'll riff a blog entry off it. I need's to get my creative juices flowing!

I need's something to stimulate my brain!

I need's, I need's ..... INSPIRATION!

okay, now I've just gone too far.

EEW!! (aka, Eat a Sammich!!)

2009-05-01T13:40:00.005-05:00

Now I obsess about my weight as much as the next guy, but if you EVER see my thighs are smaller in circumference than my calves:

That one in the middle, ironically, puts me off my lunch. Freaking GROSS.

....force-feed me a burger. Or any other tasty, fat-laden sammich!

I've blogged about this before, but really, when are marketers going to learn to dress real women in their clothes as opposed to these stick bugs? And why is it that businesses who are selling us these images are still in business? It's really disturbing. I mean, if the camera adds 20 pounds....*shudder.*

I love that the stick bug in the middle was apparently too large to squeeze into the blazer they chose for her too, btw. Nice touch. Apparently, she's just too fat to wear their clothes. Seeing as I probably weigh 30 pounds more than the three of them combined....

lalalalalalalalalalaLOLLA!!!!

2009-05-01T12:37:00.003-05:00

PALOOZA!!!!

OMG!!! I WON 2 THREE-DAY PASSES TO LOLLAPALOOZA!!!!!!! *insert maniacal laughter here!*

WHEEEEE!!!

From Dust(ers) to Dirt

2009-05-01T09:23:00.013-05:00

So I was going to look up pics of David Tennant as Dr. Who and of as Michael K Williams** as Omar Little. Omar's my favorite character on The Wire - the most addictive show I've ever seen, no DOUBT.) Why, you ask (halfheartedly or politely to be sure, but you ask none the less because your my friends and you don't want to see me cry)?

To compare their dusters, of course!

Heck it's MayDay! Time to bring life back to this here blog! I needed AN IDEA. These two amazingly charismatic characters both wear dusters! Isn't that AMAZING!!?? Okay, maybe mildly interesting?.... OkayokayOKAY!, more of just an observation. Turns out there's really nothing more to it than that, though in doing this "research" I found I really do like Williams's duster better for two reasons:

1) it's such a classic Old West-looking thing, a fact more evident from the back. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a shot (no pun intended) of Omar wearing the duster while walking away, so your extra credit homework* for the weekend is to watch a classic western such as Young Guns, which is chock fulla dusters, as well as dusty brat packers.

Is that Kiefer Sutherland??
...I feel so old.

2) Omar's able to wander down the street in full daylight with a freaking shotgun fully concealed under that thing. FAR more impressive than hiding a sonic screwdriver the size of a hefty fountain pen! You feel me?

Sure this is fascinating and all, but, as always, when I start researching anything for my blog, I end up learning new stuff. Like, for instance, David Tennant was dating his daughter back in June.

WHOAWHOAWHOA! His character's daughter! Dr. Who's daughter! *Phew!* Sorry about that. But really, people! I can't believe you actually thought...? *shakes head in shame.* So yeah! Georgia Moffat, daughter of Peter Davidson, was (maybe still is? I'm not up to date on this celebrity personal life stuff) dating David Tennant. That kinda made me grin a little. I thought they really had a chemistry on screen. Which led me to wonder.....

about Sophia Myles.

She'd played Madame de Pompadour in one of my favorite episodes, "Girl in the Fireplace." I would have LOVED to have seen her or as the next companion. Heck, I would have loved to have seen her as the next Doctor! Not only were those two SMOKIN' on screen, she was A PRESENCE. So I looked her up...

...and sure enough! found myself back at the same article. Turns out they'd dated for two years!

The guy's got taste.

So when it looks like there's chemistry on screen with our good Doctor, there probably is quite a bit going on off-screen, too.

*If you want full credit, you'll have to watch at least the first 4 seasons of The Wire and agree with me that Omar and Lester are The Awesome.

**Williams is appearing in Cormac McCarthy's The Road which is expected to release later this year. He's playing, you guessed it: a thief.

There's a Turkey Vulture Coming Straight At My Window

2009-04-24T14:03:00.004-05:00

But my blog's not dead! So he swooped off to the left.

I'll get with it, people! I just have to download some photos. It's been a month fulla stuff that I would have loved to blog about, but it would not have been a good career move, and I'd hate to have to resort to flipping tasty tasty burgers that I couldn't eat. Maybe once UFood Grill has taken a stronger hold in Chicago I'll be more apt to take that kinda risk, but until then I've gotta keep the crazy work bits to myself.

To Those Vegans and Health Food Nuts Out There

2009-03-31T14:55:00.014-05:00

who say you can substitute rice or soy "cheese" for a healthy alternative "cheesy snack:"

You are completely full of LIES!!! and I hate you! Especially when you claim ANY cheese substitute to be "delicious!"

Seriously, you know you're in trouble when "It Melts!" is the best thing you can say about a product. I mean, plastic melts, too! Hmmm, plastic.....maybe I should be chewing on my stapler? Probably has more flavor....

I suggest you health nutters and Peta-peeps who want to congratulate me on my healthy, animal cruelty free afternoon "snack" choice stay faaaaaaaaaaaaaar away from me until Easter, and even then I'd wait until after I've gorged myself into a stupor on chocolate bunnies, cheese fries, Ben and Jerry's new organic chocolate macadamia nut ice cream, a gallon of Pepsi, fried mozzerella, a bucket of fried crispy chicken, mac and cheese, pizza, chicken-fried cheese, chocolate coated cheese curds, cheezy cheese bread, chicken fried chicken, and an Outback Steakhouse-sized plate heaped high with grilled cheese sammiches. If a SINGLE ONE of those sammiches is made with fake cheese, someone will pay. DO WE UNDERSTAND EACHOTHER???

Now excuse me while I finish choking down my organic brown rice crackers and pepperjack rice "cheese" while I try to imagine not so much that they are the real thing, but that they are edible, and that I'm not dying a little inside with each bite.

Huh. These crackers would actually be okay topped with brie.

Or smoked cheddar....

or sharp cheddar!

or stilton...

or Stinking Bishop!

or Dominick's spinach dip....

or abondance....

or leerdammer, munster or jarlsberg!

or cream cheese and smoked salmon!

I must stop now or I will cry.

Blogging Rashomon Style - But About 24 Hours Late

2009-03-29T10:03:00.010-05:00

I do apologize for this being posted a day late. Shannon and I picked up a bookcase yesterday, an errand we were going to run today but we'd heard the weather was going to be CRAP (which it totally is.) Then we, erm, I, had to be a total anal freak and rearrange THE WHOLE BOOK COLLECTION (we have 1500-2000 books) to fill the new bookcase without just throwing things in will-nilly. There have to be SECTIONS. There has to be FLOW. The fact that I've nearly accomplished both in just over 4 hours of actively working on this project is a bit of a concern. I'm getting WAY too productive with my OCD and it's bound to find new ways to exhibit itself to torture me.

Shannon and I took off after work on Friday to head down to Hyde Park where we'd meet James for dinner and a movie and an episode of "The Mighty Boosh" and a lovely spilled riesling and a look-see at the medieval and theology sections at Powell's book store.

I got home at about 5, puttered about for about an hour to work off the stress of driving an hour and a half in Friday afternoon traffic, and we headed to Starbucks where I made AN AMAZING DISCOVERY!!!: The Starbucks on Lincoln and Wilson has a little tiny parking lot!!! They share it with Fleet Feet! Already the evening was promising to be fantastic.

We arrived at James just before 7 (me? early?? I know, right!?!?) and we left directly for Medici's. I was expecting Medici's to be packed because, well, it always is - especially on a Friday night, but it wasn't even half-full when we arrived. James informed me that this was the U of C's spring break, so I assumed all of the people in the place were losers with no friends and I looked sympathetically at all of them in turn. They, in turn, looked confused and alarmed.

As per usual, I had my entree selections narrowed down to two. I do this EVERY TIME we go out to eat at a new restaurant. I used to work as a waitress and bartender, and I learned early that if you suggest something that is REALLY GOOD, your tips reflect how happy the customer's belly is based on your suggestion. Many waitpersons totally screw this up by immediately suggesting the most pricey dish on the menu. Those waitpersons do not get tipped well if the most pricey dish on the menu isn't very tasty (I MEAN YOU, WAITER AT PAPASPIROS IN OAKBROOK!!! THAT LOBSTER MOUSSE DISH WAS DISGUSTING, AND I STILL HATE YOU FOR IT 8 YEARS LATER!!!) So I narrowed it down to the turkey burger and the salmon salad special. The waitress immediately pointed me toward the salmon special and was so sincerely jealous that I could order it and she could not (waitstaff can order anything from the menu except for the specials, turns out), that I took her suggestion. And was delighted. It was a little salty, but REALLY tasty.

After dinner we headed for Powell's where Shannon and I went directly to the medieval history section because we are nerds. We found a couple of books on Wales (we're going there in June, so we want to be prepared! Or at least able to pronounce stuff, like the names of places we'll be driving through), I found one on Dublin during the time of the Black Death (the plague from an Irishman's perspective! What could be more bleak??) and a gorgeous book on the designing and building of cathedrals. I got out of Powell's with $66 worth of books, James with $35, and Shannon? $120. Oh, and then we borrowed four more books from James because, obviously, we don't have enough to read including this one, which will offset the dense textbook on the middle ages that I'm currently tackling nicely.

Shannon and I put our take in the trunk of our car on the way back to James' to pretend the rape of the medieval section at Powell's hadn't happened. The day before we purchased OUR LAST BOOKCASE AND WE MEAN IT THIS TIME!!! no less.

After making ourselves "comfortable" on James' futon (note to James: I'll be sending you the bill for the hemorrhoid cream and x-rays to rule out sciatica in the mail later this week), we were introduced to The Mighty Boosh, season 3, episode I: "Eels."

OMG.

It is NUTS! It's an iTunes downloadable acid trip! I can't even describe it other than to say: I LOVE IT!! Oh, wait - it's not on iTunes. That means we have to subscribe for cable to get Adult Swim in order to view it. That or James is going to find us complaining on his futon every week or so.

After being Boosh-whacked, James broke out the booze - 43 for him and a lovely riesling for us, which I spilled about an hour into the film (thanks for not kicking me out for that, James!). We watched a film noir movie directed by Stanley Kubrick called The Killing (1956). I recommend it - especially if you're a fan of the film noir style. It was a bit disconcerting, though, that Nikki (Timothy Carey) one of the guys involved in the scheme looked a bit like Noel Fielding.

Aethelred was very interested in that clip, BTW - he watched it with me to see if he agreed Carey resembled Fielding after all. He's not so sure, and thinks maybe I was a bit "touched" by Boosh. He doesn't think I should watch it anymore, that maybe the pink-tentacled-head dude will be the next thing I'm seeing everywhere.

This is an outrage!

We had a great time hanging out with you, James! Thank you again! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my booky wook.

If Katy Perry Had Talent,

2009-03-24T09:48:00.006-05:00

She'd be Lily Allen.

Give a listen to my favorite song of the year so far, "The Fear."

It does contain some foul language, but then, it is Lily Allen.

Why, yes, that is a decapitated Bambi dress she's wearing!

I'm pretty sure this girl would have been a hero of mine if I was in high school at the height of her popularity. Minus her drinking binges and foul outbursts, that is. I was pretty straight-laced despite my appearance - a half-shaved head, the other half dyed purple-y-black, Doc Martens, "Party Naked!" t-shirts*** and jeans that I'd shredded with wear. You young whippersnappers that buy your jeans pre-shredded make me sad.

***(that shirt disappeared right quick as soon as my mom got a hold of it despite the the fact that our drama club had printed them up as anti-drug campaign (partying "naked" was partying sans drugs, not sans clothing, mom! Come on! Now where's my shirt? I know you've still got it hidden in the basement somewhere - you would NEVER throw away a perfectly good shirt, no matter how offensive! I know you're at least using it as a rag.))

It Takes A Special Kinda Talent

2009-03-20T13:21:00.002-05:00

....to make Katy Perry look classy in comparison.

Love, Light, and Blessings to All! So Mote It Be.

2009-03-20T08:34:00.010-05:00

Happy Spring Equinox!

It's too early for The Cars, but today I have to remove two of my favorite songs from my playlist because of their wintry themes.

"Snow (Hey, Oh!)" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers:

And my favorite song of 2008: "White Winter Hymnal" by Fleet Foxes:

Such a catchy little song, and so strange and oddly morbid! A perfect JoSong.

"I was following the pack all swallowed in their coats
With scarves of red tied 'round their throats
To keep their little heads from fallin' in the snow
And I turned 'round and there you go
And, Michael, you would fall
And turn the white snow red as strawberries in summertime"

I'm going to miss both of these songs dearly, but removing them from my playlist is a small reminder that the days will be getting longer and warmer soon. YAY!! Besides, returning them to my playlist in November will give me something to look forward when another Chicago winter looms!

I AM Freaksworthy!

2009-03-20T08:33:00.004-05:00

On and off for about a year, Netflix has been recommending the movie Freaks to me based on some of the movies I've given high ratings to.

...Huh.

I was skeptical.

Here's the description:

"Director Tod Browning cast authentic circus folk, not actors, in this Greek tragedy about sideshow "freaks." Normal-sized trapeze artist Cleopatra (Olga Baclanova) marries diminutive Hans ( Harry Earles) with plans to poison him, take his inheritance and marry the brute Hercules (Henry Victor). When the freaks uncover Cleopatra's scheme and Hercules forces himself on an innocent girl, they gang up on the two miscreants. Wallace Ford also stars."

Hmmmm. Sounds like an excuse to exploit people with disabilities, and not even thinly veiled! But 4&1/2 stars? Maybe it's pretty good after all...? Anyway, I KNEW Shannon wouldn't be interested in this movie, but my curiosity got the best of me and I rented it through iTunes to watch on the plane on my way to or from Palm Springs. I ended up reading on the way there and being talked at by a woman who hates..well, everything on the way back; so it sat on my iPhone until Wednesday night. My rental would expire in a few days so I would have to watch it or eat the buck 99.

What the heck. I popped in my earbuds and started to watch.

Okay, so it's not the best movie I've ever seen, but I really enjoyed it. I especially loved that these people with disabilities were shown living their lives. I can't really explain it, but I loved to see these people able to take care of themselves and eachother while engaging in the kinds of petty dramas everyone experiences. Like the siamese twins. One of them is married to a man who loathes her sister (the feeling is mutual) and doesn't want her to "hang around that tramp anymore!" Voyeuristic? Oh, hell yes. But there was no call for pity. These "freaks" were portrayed as the people they are and were (I'm assuming many of them are gone now - the film was made in 1932) - taking care of themselves and taking care of eachother. I loved that.

Now I truly am Freaksworthy!

It's A Jungle Out There

2009-03-19T12:03:00.002-05:00

Shannon and I are watching Monk via NetCrack, and we're about halfway through season 2. The theme has changed from the one I liked in season 1, an upbeat instrumental light jazzy piece, to one I'm conflicted about - Randy Newman's "It's A Jungle Out There." It's not that it's a bad song, I actually quite like it. It cracks me up every time he sings "I could be wrong now/BUT I DON'T THINK SO!" Heh! Good stuff!

My problem is that Randy Newman has been forever tainted for me by Will Sasso's portrayal of him in several sketches on MTV. Sasso was so good that the two of them - Randy Newman and Will Sasso is: Randy Newman - have been completely enmeshed in my brain. I can't think of Randy Newman without seeing Will Sasso as Randy Newman. And as you can see here, that's a good thing, and that's a bad thing:

Speaking of songs about Star Wars....

You'll thank me for this later.

Mixed Feelings about Repo! The Genetic Opera!

2009-03-19T11:03:00.008-05:00

Shannon and I watched Repo! The Genetic Opera! a couple of weeks ago, and since then half of me wants to say "SKIP THIS!!" because the story borders on lame, the acting is "meh," the songs are trite, and the lyrics are stupid....

....but the other half of me wants to say "SEE THIS!" because I want to discuss how "we could have done a MUCH better job!," I loved the dark, gothic feel of the whole thing, and most importantly,

the more people who see it will know who Blind Mag is so I can go as her for Halloween.

*sigh!* I can't in good faith tell you to pop this film in your Netflix queue. I guess I'll either have to go as Blind Mag and risk nobody knowing who I am, or go as a cult favorite from a film that achieved true cultitude on it's own merit, thus inspiring "near miss" knock-offs like Repo!:

Nosy Women Used To Bug Me

2009-03-19T10:33:00.005-05:00

"When are you going to start having kids?"

It's a question I've been asked different variations of since I was a high school senior. It started with "You'll be wanting to get married soon and start a family!" to "You're not getting any younger, and you're going to want to have energy to keep up with your kids! You'd better get married soon!" which progressed to "When are you getting married? You won't find one better than him!" (I did) to simply "When are you going to start having kids?"

I do get this one less and less frequently now that I'm getting older, so perhaps, after months of nobody asking, I was finally prepared with an answer this morning when a woman I barely know essentially told me I'd better start having children because I was going to be too old soon and I'd regret it.

My response? (After the initial internal "...Wow." I mean?)

"I'm not planning on having children because I'm afraid my enemies would try to use them as leverage."

That one, ladies, is a keeper. Take note of it. I've never seen a nosy woman back off so quickly and silently!

So, THIS is Underwhelming

2009-03-19T10:24:00.003-05:00

I did get to the gym last night, but, aside from a couple of achy triceps and a sore tummy, I did pretty well. No tales of tying ("tying?" ...why does that word look so weird to me?) myself to one of the ping-pong players with my jump rope because I was backing up little by little with each jump and ran into him at the same time the rope was behind us both; no tales of having to be extricated from the tummy machine (the one that reminds me of that roller coaster bar thingy that you pull down from over your head on rides like the Iron Wolf!) with the jaws of life; not even an incident involving my falling off the balance ball and shooting it into the step class.

I'll try to do worse next time!

JoTivation

2009-03-18T15:35:00.006-05:00

I have been a total lump about getting my butt to the gym or out the door for a run, and I think I know why. I haven't had the proper motivation. Sure, while some may want to work out to get in shape (mine is currently "pear, Bartlett"), run further (than the 1/2 block I can do currently without collapsing), lose weight (No, I am NOT telling you. Let's just say, I'm going to complete a virtual pilgrimage to Santiago, and I was originally going to start at the French border, but somehow, since October, I've found myself a little further east. Like, somewhere outside of Kyoto.), fit back into that cute skirt they wore in high school (or, for me, that cute skirt I wore last week); I require a different form of motivation, which may, at this point, be pretty obvious:

The opportunity for supreme self deprecation.

Expect your first installment of my "progress" tomorrow morning.

February ATE MY BLOG! Part Deux

2009-03-18T12:14:00.008-05:00

I got back home from Rancho Mirage on February 25 and had to work FOR AN ENTIRE DAY on February 26. That night, though, we left for a much-needed vacation - a long weekend trip to Ohio to visit Mu and Mere.

We left around 6:30, and it had just started to rain.

It was a dark and stormy night....

Sheets of rain, cats, dogs, wildebeests, marmosets, and feral ferrets rained from the sky. Thankfully, we were stopping in Michigan for the night - a drive that usually takes about 2 & 1/2 hours. It took us a little longer what with the rain and the construction and the resulting narrowed lanes through Indiana along the 94; but we made it just after 10 (ET). At times I could barely see through the windshield it was pouring so violently, and the lanes on the expressway were all but invisible at times. I was a bit of a wreck by the time we reached Michigan, but we made it safely and had a good snooze before heading east in the much finer weather that greeted us the next morning.

After stopping at Sammy's for a brekkie (I had my usual: shredded potatoes, scrambled eggs made orangey-red with tons of Tabasco, wheat toast and a mugful of good coffee), we made our way towards Akron. Mu and Mere work at a high school where we were to meet them so they could put us to work teaching a class and coaching some Fools. We got there around 1 and in retrospect, a stop for a bite would have been a really good idea. I had a migraine threatening on the horizon and all I could think of was how to stop it, so I was pretty distracted when we go to the school. Thankfully, Mere led me to the vending machines in the cafeteria where I was able to stave off the migraine with what turned out to be the perfect cure: a granola bar, a Pepsi, a Zomig and a couple of ibuprofen.

Now I was ready.

Mu coaches an improv group of high school students called The Royal Fools - a great group of game souls consisting of mostly juniors and seniors - all year long, and he invites us to coach them about once a year. If we lived closer, we'd probably barge in more often. These young adults are fantastic to work with. They are SO full of energy, and they balk at nothing. This year, Mu's friend and colleague Brandon asked if we could guest-teach his drama class and introduce them to improv, since we were going to be there anyway. This was a scary prospect! Teach a high school drama class? Of non-improvisors?? Okay, there was one Fool in the class, but still! Turns out I wished we had another half-hour with that class. Like the Fools, though they were just a little more shy, they were game to try anything we threw at them. At first I thought we'd just be telling them about improv, maybe doing a few scenes to show them the form, but we ended up splitting the group in two and engaging them in scenes of their own with us coaching. They came up with some neat stuff! And it was all organic. It was really humbling and eye opening to see what happens when you "learn" the form and all of its rules, which can get you all tied up in your head. Here these kids were coming up with engaging and interesting scenes, and they didn't even know the RULES!

Shannon, by the way, is a natural teacher. I'm pretty good at warming people up and coaching scenes, but he is fantastic at explaining and giving feedback and SHOWING groups why we're doing what we're doing when we're doing a specific exercise. He gives examples. I just want to watch them and be entertained by what they come up with, helping them out of corners or derailing them from an emerging plot. (o: I'll say "this is a heightening exercise, and this is what you do," for example. That would be my form of "teaching," whereas Shannon'll SHOW them heightening, and then he'll get in there and give them an activity and he'll see a thousand ways to heighten that activity and he'll make them heighten it until they truly can't anymore. It is truly an awesome gift, and it was wonderful to see.

He did this one exercise with each of the Fools that truly got them out of their heads. It's an exercise that I'm intimidated by and hesitant to do when Shannon's directing the Buttresses, and here these high school whippersnappers were pretty fearlessly marching up one by one to take their turn. One of the Fools made the mistake of wearing baggy pants to the class and he had to heighten hiking them up while spinning around and SLAMMING his hands down on Mu's desk before spinning around again, jumping higher and higher, and repeating the action bigger and bigger for about 5 minutes. But he never stopped, and Shannon was right there with him the entire time. I really wish I had that on film. Talk about committing! They were BOTH right there.

After class, Mu and Mere took us to The Mustard Seed Market for dinner (I had the salmon. YUM! I've had salmon twice since we got back and neither was as good.) Mustard Seed Market is like a Whole Foods, but like a Whole Foods about 10 years ago. And I mean that in a good way, but I can't really describe it. There was a friendly folk singer with long, free, naturally greying hair singing throughout our meal, there was hemp milk and organic coffee; gelatin-free toaster pastries and nary a mass-produced label to be found. I picked up a pound of fair trade coffee beans for the road, and it is the yum! When we got back to Mu and Mere's place, we played It Was A Dark And Stormy Night (Mere (and I) won 8 to 7!) while waiting for the air mattress to inflate, and then went to bed. The next day, Shannon and Mu set about finding ways to redirect water from hitting a problem area on the roof (this involved about 2 hours and 6 trips to Home Depot) while Mere read Frank Conroy and I read Watchmen, which I wanted to finish before we left so that I could leave it for Mere. Some time after noon, we went for lunch and a poke-about at a bike shop, then I settled in to read Watchmen again while Mere read and the boys snoozed. Saturday night we kidnapped Mere and went to see the Clevelend Orchestra peform my favorite piece of music (THANK YOU, SHANNON!) - Beethoven's 7th (I'm especially fond of the 2nd movement!) - at Severence Hall (WOW!). I think Mu is still trying to download a film to his computer to watch that evening.

I finished reading Watchmen on Sunday morning and left it for Mere before we locked up and headed back west. We made it to Michigan in the early afternoon for a lovely visit with Eevam and Marc, and then left Michigan - after a breakfast of shredded potatoes, scrambled eggs made orangey-red with tons of Tabasco, wheat toast and a mugful of good coffee at Sammy's, of course - for home.

Treated Well By Starbucks

2009-03-16T10:37:00.014-05:00

(Again)

Okay I know this is going to make me unpopular, but you know what? I really do love my Starbucks. I got a FREE VENTI SOY LATTE at this morning because the cup the barista had grabbed had (*GASP!*) a SHAMROCK drawn on it in marker. "It's not St. Patrick's Day anymore! I'm so sorry about that!" she said as she comped my drink for the "inconvenience." Holy bejeebus! What an awesome way to start my morning! Starbucks gets a bad rap because, well, it's true it is as ubiquitous as McDonald's, but I'll happily stick up for them. If they screw up my order, they forget me, or they take a longer-than-average time to get it to me, I get a voucher for a free drink. This has happened a total of 3 times in the last 5 years, and I go there at least once a week.

JoRant.

In contrast, I've been to The Grind and Ventrella about 5 times combined and The Grind had me waiting for 30 minutes once for a mocha (I had to ask for it - they'd forgotten me though I was one of 5 people reading in the place), while the one and only mocha I'd ever ordered at Ventrella sucked so badly I was totally put off the place. For good. Beans and Bagels always has me waiting forEVer, and they can rarely even remember what I ordered, or that I ordered anything, or they hope that if they ignore me I'll just go away and they won't have to be bothered with making my drink and/or sammich so I'm stuck there EVEN LONGER. This was really embarrassing the first two times I went there, because I was the only person in the place. Now I make sure to stick a book in my bag before I head out the door so I'll at least have something to read if they decide to look through me in anticipation of the yoga class across the street's ending soon.

This past Sunday we had to ask for Shannon's plain bagel three times. I understand that things get busy, I do. I've worked in pharmacies that filled an average of 7,092 prescriptions an hour, and you know what happened if we forgot someone's prescription or we gave them the wrong order? Do you? THEY DIED! So don't TELL me about pressure, bucko, and drop the attitude! I do want independent places to succeed (especially CafeNeo!!!), but some of them make me wonder how on earth they do....It's like the customer is an afterthought, or worse: a nuisance. The resumes at some of these places must ask you to rate your level of attitude from 1-11 and anything under a 15 is immediately thrown in the trash. If Beans and Bagel didn't have the best turkey reuben in Chicago, I'd never go there.

But they do.

So I go.

Once when I ordered one the guy just stared at me as though waiting for the punchline, and then actually asked me "Seriously? They're really a pain to make."

If that's true, take it off the menu and save me any future trips, jackwad. Until then, make me my damned sammich and let me get out of here so I can snarf it down in four bites out of sight of the fit and fabulous Bloom yogis who are drifting across the street on their shiny blue clouds of nirvana. They find enlightenment striking poses on a thin squishy mat, I find my perfect harmony in turkey, saurkraut and thousand island dressing on lightly toasted marbled rye.

So, yeah. I know why Starbucks succeeds. And I know why CafeNeo succeeds. I don't know why Beans and Bagels...? OH! They're located 40 feet from the Rockwell stop. And again, as long as they keep serving those turkey reubens, they'll get about 40 bucks a year outta me.

EndRant.

After Seeing Recipes On TasteSpotting Several Times

2009-03-13T13:57:00.006-05:00

I finally looked up what "capsicum" was. *RELIEF!* Turns out it's a red pepper! NOT the ingredient I kept getting it confused with.

Sometimes that pharmacy backround causes me a lot of grief!

2 Signs That Marketers Are Taking "Food Porn" In A Totally WRONG!!!!! Direction

2009-03-13T11:07:00.012-05:00

1) The Bacon Tuxedo, which actually smells like bacon:

Now, I LOVE bacon, and the smell of bacon. I drool over bacon. But do I lust for bacon?...okay that's arguable. But do I want to sleep with bacon??

A RESOUNDING NO.

2) Flame Cologne by Burger King. No, this is not a joke. It's actually for sale. Yes, they've actually bottled that trademark Burger King smell so you can smell like one of their tasty flame-broiled burgers yourself! You can have that smell with you, and on you, all day long...

Okay this is just so wrong on so many levels. Again, yes, Burger King smells fantastic. They've got that DOWN. But it's fast food. Do you really want to smell like something you can get 4 of for under $10? I don't think so. And again, I just do NOT want my man to smell like a piece of meat. This is GROSS. I am not a cannibal.

You know what's even MORE gross?

The ads.

If I wasn't off the red meat before, baby, I certainly am now! *barf!*

Another Zombie Celebrity I'm Not Familiar With?

2009-03-13T09:41:00.006-05:00

or Living Dead Doll?

Funny how art imitates life! Or is it death, I mean? Or...living death?, or ... Oh, I don't know! I have a migraine. Can't. Philosophize. Hurts. OW!

February ATE MY BLOG!

2009-03-12T15:49:00.025-05:00

Holy Bejeebus have I was remiss in my blogging. Is it because I've done NOTHING interesting since the middle of February? No. I have been wasting alot of valuable blog time working on several new projects at work and keeping myself updated on my new favorite time-suck: Facebook. I have to see what my Friends are up to on a quarter-hourly basis, comment on statuses, and play Lexulous and Word Twist until I finally beat Evan and Claire. In addition to Facebook, I was in Rancho Mirage, CA for a conference for 4 days which also threw me off my blogging. I didn't bring my laptop to Cali because I knew I wouldn't blog from there because I'd be too busy enjoying myself in the warm warm weathah....

....or would I?

In retrospect, having the computer would have been great. The weather was pretty awesome half the time, kinda chilly for the light clothes I'd brought the other half (Note: I'm on a quest for The Perfect Black Cardigan. I have a green one, but it doesn't match everything. Let me know if you find it!), but Rancho Mirage is NOT my cuppa. It's beautiful, but after two or three days I'm DONE. DONE with Rancho Mirage and its green green golf courses in the middle of the desert that are "watered five times a day ("more often in the summer!" Brilliant!) and it's lack of sidewalks and its sucky locals who live on bile and silicone and who surround Rancho Mirage in their gated and walled communities* (that keep....well, who out, exactly?), and their UTTER FREAKING RUDENESS TO EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE, including their own kids. I don't know, maybe they're irritated at their kids because those ungrateful twerps don't recognize them because of all the work they have done on, what appears to be from an outsider's perspective, a weekly basis. So they have to keep reintroducing themselves to their own children which makes them cranky.

Honestly, I saw a total of 5 locals outside (Oh yes. You can spot them.), and 2 of them had some serious and obvious work done. The first had her face pulled back so tightly you could bounce a quarter off her cheek, and, after the attitude she gave me and the poor cashier at Walgreens for not getting out of her way quickly enough, I was sore tempted to do so. (I was in the process of taking my bag from the cashier - my transaction was over - when this bitch charged over and IMMEDIATELY started tapping her credit card on the counter for ATTENTION!!!! THERE WAS NOBODY ELSE IN THE STORE. She was, essentially, THE ONLY CUSTOMER. "I'm EXHAUSTED! I've had an EXHAUSTING day! I just want to GET OUT OF HERE! I've been at the gym for AN HOUR AND A HALF!").

I think a lot of the locals take the latter part of their town's name, "Mirage," too much to heart. From far away it looks beautiful.....

And then you meet the people.

There are dozens of plastic surgeons who populate the strip malls of Rancho Mirage the way Thai restaurants do in Chicago. And it looks like the people who live there stop in regularly for a quick "fix" at these places the way normal folk stop in for a cuppa at Starbucks. And by "fix," I mean "really expensive and painful way to make you look like a really mean plasticshiny alien that's doing a horrible job of passing for a human. Or maybe an exotic cat." They haven't "fixed" anything that I can tell. Maybe they shouldn't be frequenting doctors who have storefronts sanwiched between Payless Shoes and a dry cleaners.

As for the other woman I saw, well, let's just say I'm pretty sure I know now where Darren Lynn Bousman came up with his ideas for Amber Sweet (Paris Hilton), the surgery-addicted daughter of the owner of GeneCo in Repo! The Genetic Opera:

Amber Sweet being dosed with an injection of the surgery pain medication, Zydrate, by Graverobber

The chick I saw may have been (unnaturally) blond and not dark-haired like Amber, but she certainly looked as though she was totally high on Zydrate at 10 in the morning, and she may have had had as many boob jobs (she was a size 0-2 with a double D chest) as Amber'd had face jobs.

Some of which had gone awry for Amber, for example, the time her face kinda started to peel off during her big debut.

And then there's Amber's brother, Parvi! Take note people!! This is where a few of you are headed:

In retrospect, I think the gated communities may be meant to keep THEM IN, AWAY from normal folk! Their bilious clouds of attitude made me long for Chicago, which will always be a far warmer place despite it's thick'n'cloudy cloudcover and (then) 7 degree temps!

So, yeah. If you have to go to Rancho Mirage,

1) Keep going. Pass up Rancho Mirage altogether and stay in Palm Springs actual. It's a further drive, but it's more beautiful, less phony, and the people, though some of them have more money than God, are really great.

If this is not an option,

2) RENT A CAR. There's tons to do several miles away, but NOTHING in Rancho Mirage, unless you've travelled all that way to check out the new Walgreens, which is the very cleanest, brightest, EMPTIEST Walgreens I've ever seen. Just make sure that plastic-faced bitch-woman isn't lurking in the card aisle waiting, just WAITING to spring to the counter at JUST the moment when you're finishing your transaction. She'll ruin your day.

3) Make it a short trip. 3-4 days max. It is BORING - especially after you've seen the new Walgreens. And it's stupidly expensive, because there's nothing else around. Oh, sure, the plastic surgeons's rates may be competitive..... Even if you golf (courses ran about $125/person, and we were there during the off-season!) 4 days is enough. That's enough time for a pedi and a vitamin D infusion and a relax. Again, it's ridiculously expensive - a 15 minute cab ride to Palm Desert - the nearest community (of sorts. Mainly it's an upscale mall. Makes Oak Brook look like Golf Mill. Yeep.) - cost us $35 each way.

4) Stay at the Rancho Mirage Westin and don't leave the gates. Unless you're in a car headed for Palm Springs or Palm Desert.

Maybe I'm just bitter because I only escaped the resort twice - once to go to Palm Desert for what really was a fantastic meal at a Pacifica, and once to walk to the Walgreens for a Pepsi that would've cost me $5 in the resort. The concierge almost had a heart attack when I told him I was going to LEAVE THE RESORT to walk A HALF MILE. He offered to have a resort driver take me. On my return, a golf cart was waiting for me at the entrance to take me back to my room.

Are you KIDDING??!???

Actually, in light of my new theory that those walled communities are there to keep the SilicaBeasties from destroying the glowy happiness of us Midwestern rube travellers who'd escaped from terrible weather for a few days of sunshine, maybe he was just trying to protect me.

You know what really kills me? The desert is BEAUTIFUL. Have you ever been to the Sonoma Desert Museum in Tucson? Go. It is AMAZING. My point is: the desert should NOT look like THIS:

Seriously, you can see miles of green from the plane. I know I have irrational (or are they...?) fears about the obscene waste of water in communities like this one and Las Vegas, but this is ridiculous. I had to fight down a panic attack in the taxi on the way to the airport when we passed a massive water park.

But I digress.

Anyway, the testing conference was pretty good!

Oh! And my computer would have been handy to have as I had hours here and there between meetings and vendor-sponsered events where I could have sat at the table on my little porch at the resort blogging, and I wouldn't have fallen so far behind (what do you mean, "Behind what? JoDrivel?" You know you find me fascinating!) There's only so much being driven around the resort in a golf cart a girl can do, and I'd already had my toes done at the spa within hours of my arrival.

*(JoSideRant regarding these gated communities: You can't walk through these communities unless you live there or are "announced" as a guest of a resident - a fact Shannon and I learned when we tried to walk around the resort two years ago when what we thought would be a half hour "jaunt" turned into a 4 hour nightmare where I thought one of us was going to die of thirst and the other would be forced to drink the fallen one's blood for the water content to survive - meanwhile we're surrounded by million dollar homes fronted by lush green lawns.)

Watchmen - No Spoilers!

2009-03-12T10:31:00.008-05:00

My only one piece of advice before you see Watchmen: READ THE BOOK FIRST!!! It's such a good book. I found the movie to be a lovely companion to the book, but I don't think I would have enjoyed it nearly as much or followed it as well as I did if I'd gone in "cold." That said, you can skip over the pirate subplot in the book. I mean, I couldn't because my OCD wouldn't allow it, but you can. It isn't in the movie, and, though it's a good story in itself, it can be distracting.

I thought the director did a fantastic job of sticking to the text, though he did allude to things in the book that were not explained, so he could have, expounded a bit on the Keane Act, for example, or left it out all together. He also changed the ending a bit, which I thought made it even better.

Shannon and I went to see Watchmen last Saturday morning at 10:30. After reading a few reviews I was concerned that it might not be that as fantastic as I'd hoped, but ANYTHING would be better than the crap Saturday morning cartoons they have on these days! Honestly, whatever happened to Looney Toons? Kids today don't know how good we had it!

The beginning of Watchmen was amazing. There was a 3-way tie for The Best Part Of The Movie According To Me among opening credits, John Winchester, erm, I mean, Jeffrey Dean Morgan's performance as The Comedian, and Jackie Earle Haley's performance as Rorschach. The movie ran was 2 hours, 40 minutes, and it really flew by.

Don't read the rest of this until after you've seen the movie. It's not a spoiler, but I don't want to color your view! And after you've seen the movie, tell me, which Watchman are you? I think I would be Nite Owl II with Rorschach tendencies...

No, if I was a vigilante, I would be Rorschach with some Nite Owl II tendencies.

Hermann Rorschach
I make all of my dinner reservations under "Herman." COINCIDENCE???

JoRant!

I CANNOT STRESS how GODAWFULTERRIBLE Malin Akerman's acting was as Silk Spectre II. She. SUCKED. From the love scene where Akerman's acting like she's filming a back-room porno for $50 bucks and a case of Zima, of which she's drunk half, and the director made the unfortunate, moronic move of using Leonard Cohen's version of "Hallellujah" as the backround music (It was SO BAD I was laughing through it to keep from crying. SO. BAD.) to the end of the film, this bimbo gave her co-actors, excuse me, the actors who were forced to work with her useless ass, NOTHING to work with. She was awful. AWFUL! She shouldn't even be awarded a Razzie, she should just be turned away from and her existence quietly and completely forgotten. I'm sorry, I'm sure there are people out there who love her very much. Those people should surround her, preferably with soundproof foam, and keep her as far as possible from Hollywood and it's cameras, especially those Hollywood cameras that utilize motion and sound. The only reason I can fathom she had been cast was because she had legs up to Mars, where, incidentally, she ends up at one point. Shannon and I agreed that Apollonia Vanova (Silhouette), a character who had ZERO LINES, was FAR more compelling than The Silk Spectacle. I think the ONLY reason the director could give that he'd cast Akerman instead of Vanova as Silk Speculum is that Akerman was the perfect comic-book-formula height of one-half-head shorter than Nite Owl, whereas Vanova looked as though she'd tower over him. The very least they could have done was to switch the Silk Spectre I and II actors, so we would have seen Carla Gugino, an actress who can, well, act, through a much larger percentage of the movie than we were forced to endure Akerman.

That said, the rest of the movie was great, but from that godawful love scene on, every time Silk Spectre II (again, not to be confused with Silk Spectre I, who is actually a good actress (check her out in Sin City!) was in a scene, I did have to consciously keep myself from rolling my eyes. And Akerman was in A LOT of the movie. So my eyes were really sore by the end of it. In retrospect, going for a bathroom break or for some popcorn at the first strains of "Hallelujah" would have increased my enjoyment of the film exponentially.

Da GUILT!

2009-03-12T08:23:00.016-05:00

Ah, Lent. This year, in addition to donating a total of $400 between Ash Wednesday (February 25) and Easter (April 12. 31 days from today. Not that I'm, heh heh, counting or anything....) to charity and reading 3 NONfiction (*GULP!*) books I gave up:

Fried foods
Desserts
Potato chips/unhealthy snacky snacks
Cheese (except feta and paneer). In fact, all dairy, outside of fat free yogurt, the occasional dash of skim milk in my coffee, or dairy found as a secondary ingredient in a dish (I won't allow myself a cream soup or an alfredo pasta sauce, for example; but if there's a cup of milk in a dish that someone made, I won't refuse it).
White sugar (esp in my coffee)
White pasta
White bread (except for those rolls Shannon gets at Harvest Time to dip in Honey B's awesome lentil stew)
Mayo
Soda

I have stocked the fridge with rice milk and the pantry with wheat pasta. I went to dinner at a French-American fusion restaurant on Monday and had an appetizer of scallops, a sauce-free John Dory, and mug of black coffee for dessert (Illy!!! Yummmm....) in lieu some of the richer main dishes. I had a mug of spicy hot chocolate and drank about half before setting it aside, realizing that I had forgotten to use rice milk.

I have been very, very good the past two weeks.

That is, I HAD been very very good - until yesterday. We went to my brother's for dinner and we ordered from my favorite Chinese restaurant: 168.

168 has my favorite dish: Empress Chicken.

I know that Empress Chicken, though not as popular as General Tso's chicken, is not an uncommon dish, but I have not seen it anywhere else. And even if I had? I don't know if anyone could make it better than 168. For serious.

What exactly is Empress Chicken, you ask? Empress Chicken is, essentially, pieces of battered-and-fried chicken in a spicy sauce. 168 serves the fried chicken bits separate from the sauce so it doesn't get all mushy in transit to your carry-out destination.

It.

Is.

So.

Good.

I went through the entire menu, line by line, knowing that the only thing I wanted.

Out of the 738+ items listed.

Was the Empress Chicken.

And I ordered it. The fact that I ordered it by number (118) and not by name doesn't make it any less true.

Heck, I figured I was damned anyway, so I threw in a fried egg roll to boot.

Now, I realize I gave up alot for Lent, and I'm okay about allowing myself a Diet Coke or half a sprite once a week or so, so why does this even bother me? I didn't throw out the salad I ordered last week because it had parmesan sprinkled on it, or the turkey reuben from Beans and Bagels because of the slice of swiss cheese. I haven't been to church in years, why do I feel so guilty and irritated with myself? Do I think God's mad at me?

No.

The answer? Fried foods are my biggest weakness. I LOVE them. Though I don't eat them every day, I certainly crave them every day, and knowing that I can just run and get a small fry from the cafeteria is a comfort, albeit one that I rarely indulge in. Just knowing they're there if I need them... In short, of all of the things I gave up, fried foods was the most difficult. Call it what you will - Guinness-batter-fried cod, Popeye's chicken, pakora, potato chips, fries, onion rings, mozzeralla sticks, shrimp fried rice, Empress Chicken...I crave fried foods more than any other, and they were the most difficult thing for me to give up. (I know! Even more difficult than CHEESE!!! and I LOVE CHEESE!!!!).

I have had no problem passing by a bakery, or wincing through extra-bitter black coffee knowing I can't temper it with the cream and sugar on the table. I actually love rice milk and wheat pasta; and I prefer pomodoro, puttanesca, and diavola sauces to creamy alfredos. I do miss pizza and grilled cheese, but I don't feel totally deprived when I'm eating a fabulous spinach salad at I Monelli while everyone else manges on pizza. On the other hand, I saw a picture of a woman eating a drumstick the other day and I almost went mad.

I told my boss that day that if I came across a Fry Daddy, I'd fry my own arm.

So when I had a slice of swiss on my reuben? No biggie. When I actively ordered a dish I KNEW was fulla fried awesomeness?

No good.

Now, I do realize that most people (?) agree that Sundays are free days during Lent, and that you can relax the rules on Sundays. Yes, this was a Wednesday, but I had observed my self-imposed penance through two Sundays, so why not cut myself some slack?

1) HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! That's a goodie! You obviously have not been raised Catholic if you are asking me that question.

2) I don't agree with that "Sundays are FREE!" rule. Never have, and, no matter how many Yahoodies chime in to say "it's not cheating! Or "It's totally okay to cheat, man!" I never will subscribe to that view. My parents and grandparents made it clear that we kids could cheat on Sundays, but once we hit adulthood we'd be expected to do what they did and observe Lent actively from Ash Wednesday through Easter. Do not pass "GO!" Do not collect a bucket of KFC.

3) Lent isn't the same thing for me as it is for everyone who observes it. It's about my being strong and aware of my shortcomings, weaknesses, and tendency towards slackness, and my ability to be a better, stronger person for a little over 40 days. SO. When I gave into that craving - that particular craving - no matter how strong a craving it was?

I failed myself. Big "F" for Jo for Lent, 2009.

Luckily for me, Lent isn't over. There's still plenty of time to make myself suffer for my weakness!

So! I've raised that donation pledge to $500; I'll be reading God's War by Tyerman and The Medieval World, edited by Linehan and Nelson, as two of my three NonFiction books; and I'm extending the "fried foods, soda, and potato chips" portion of my fast to April 26. There now! Does that make me feel better about cheating yesterday?

Honestly?

No. No it doesn't.

Moral: Knowledge is power? I don't think so. You are, in fact, deluded. Now GUILT, my friend, GUILT: GUILT can get things DONE!

Go See! Go See! Can't See! DON'T See!

2009-02-18T13:02:00.006-06:00

GO SEE Don't Dress for Dinner at the Royal George theater. It's been extended, and even though Jeffrey Donovan (of "Burn Notice" and the sadly short-lived "Touching Evil") has left the cast, it's a high energy fun ride. Spencer Kayden (Urinetown, "Too Much Light (Makes The Baby Go Blind))" STEALS the show. She is HILARIOUS. The whole cast is wonderful, and the play is well-written. You'll still be laughing when you leave. Go see this!

GO SEE The Seafarer at Steppenwolf, which has also been extended. It was such a treat to see John Mahoney! His acting was so strong you forgive him losing his Irish accent once in a while. (o: This play gives new meaning to "the blind leading the blind" and "I once was lost but now I see." Excellent, strong performances all 'round, and, though though there are no women in the cast, you feel their presence strongly throughout the play. Come talk to me about these things after you've seen the play. This is one you'll want to discuss over a pint. Maybe we could meet at The Duke of Perth? I know that's a Scottish pub and not an Irish one, but it's pretty close by, and their stout - and I never EVER thought I'd say this - stands up to my beloved Guinness. If they hadn't closed O'Rourkes we wouldn't be having this conversation! (yes it's been, like, 10 years but I'm still missing O'Rourkes.)

You CAN'T SEE Kodo because the drummers were only in for one sold out performance last night. We gave them 2 standing ovations. I've seen them three times - twice at CSO and once at the pavillion at Ravinia - and I'll be keeping tabs on them to see when they plan on returning. So will hundreds of others, so if you see tickets go on sale, BUY THEM IMMEDIATELY! They have quite a following! One audience member commented that she enjoyed seeing them at the CSO, but gushed that there is nothing like seeing them perform on the Japanese island of Sado - "The Isle of the Performing Arts." It's apparently an experience not to be missed. If we ever win the lottery maybe we'll take a month to travel from New Zealand to Japan to watch them perform outdoors.

DON'T SEE The Chicago Shakespeare Company's production of MacBeth. OMG. If we hadn't seen Soiree Dada just a couple of months ago, I'd say it was the worst play I've seen in years. Definitely the worst production of Makkers I've ever seen EVERY SINGLE LINE WAS DELIVERED WITH EQUAL IMPORTANCE!!! BECAUSE IT IS SHAKESPEARE!!!! Absolutely NO subtlety, no texture, and the actor who played MacBeth? He was the ONLY cast member who could act. At the end you're like, "Wait, you're giving the kingdom to that guy? Why? Who is he again? Wait, I read this like 7 times in high school and college I should know but...Wait! Better yet, why am I still here to find out who got the kingdom? I DON'T CARE!!! GOD! If there's a line for the coat check I will KILL somebody! GET ME OUT OF HERE!" I'm not even giving you a link for this one. I don't even know if it's still running. The only thing good I have to say about this show is that it made me forget about how godawful Soiree Dada was.

I can't leave this post on such a negative note, so I'm going to recommend putting "Burn Notice" in your Netflix queue. It's MacGuyver meets film noir with a spicy dash of the Miami bar scene meets LaCarre meets "Quantum Leap" (every episode he's gotta help someone, but unlike Sam Beckett, Michael Westen is not opposed to threats and violence to get a little old lady her pension back from a scam artist; and he doesn't "jump," unless it's off a building) meets a dysfunctional relationship comedy sitcom between a burned spy and an IRA gun runner....Very rich characters and plots, and Bruce Campbell co-stars!

A Marketing Tip for FaceBook

2009-02-18T12:24:00.005-06:00

If you're looking to sell a single bottle of that "amazing anti-wrinkle cream!!!" that can make you look "as young as these stars who are FORTY!!!" (OMG! 40?!??! *GASP!!!*)

Stop using these pictures as examples of how young and hot "YOU TOO can look!!":

I mean, where did you even FIND these pics? I'm no fan of Jennifer "Friendszzzzzzzzzzzzzz" Aniston or Julia "Can't Act Her Way Out Of A Box, Oh, And By The Way, Lyle Lovett Deserved Way Better Than You All Along!" Roberts, but you have to go pretty far out of your way to find pictures this awful outside of a tabloid. It's like you're pulling a McCain, who I think was totally screwing with...everyone by seeing just how awful and unattractive he could make his product (his entire presidential campaign) look and still have anyone at all buy it. I mean, honestly, is this some kind of research project? Are you gathering data by counting how many FaceBook users see your ads and don't click on them?

(I think "Pulling a McCain" should be added to the American lexicon meaning "compulsively and consciously going out of your way to make bad choices because you think nothing you do will turn the tides from favorable when they weren't actually favoring you to begin with. You were just deluded all along.")

I can't actually tell you what this product is, incidentally, because you have to "CLICK HERE!" to find out.

Um...no.

An Example of How to Write An Effective Letter

2009-01-27T08:01:00.017-06:00

Start with something positive.

Dear WXRT,

First of all, KUDOS to your marketing department for following up on my email saying they "might want to pull that ad for Andriana Furs." I'd written to suggest that the ad be pulled not because I particularly find it offensive (I find nearly all ads offensive, but a necessary evil for running a successful radio station), but because the owner of Adriana Furs pled guilty to money laundering last Friday and I didn't want XRT to look stupid, not ever, but especially not during Lin Brehmer's shift. The marketing manager assured me that XRT does not advertise for any furriers, but told he he'd check it out. Within a half hour I received a thank you email. The ad, which had been bundled with several others advertising a mega-sale that involved several stores, did exist, and had slipped under the radar. Within half an hour of my initial email, it had been tagged and pulled from all future spots.

CooooOOOOOOooool!

(Not wanting Lin Brehmer associated with bad things brings me to the not-so-positive point of my letter):

Please. For the love of God. Change the picture on your DJ page:

Its been there forever, so it's not like I've only seen it once while trying to navigate my way to the Lin's Bin page. I *heart* Lin Brehmer, and I *LOOOOOOOOOATHE* Billy Corgan, so every time I see this pic I have this conflicted response for which Pepto Bismol is the only antidote. Maybe it's because I score directly down the middle on all personality tests, but I can't just get mad or just let things go, I have to do both. And usually simultaneously.

"AH!!! BILLY CORGAN!! FAH!!!" *loooooaaattthhhhe!!!*

"But Lin obviously likes him and he looks very happy."

"But...it's BILLY CORGAN!! I HATE him!!!"

"Now now. "Hate" is a very strong word."

"I don't care! Seeing his stupid face brings on a visceral response equal to the one I which I can most easily define as "hate." It's the same response I have to Sarah Palin and eggplant and, and people who put chairs in parking spaces!"

"But see! Terry Hemmert looks happy, too. Not everybody hates Billy Corgan, Jo."

"But...But I do!! And that picture has been there for at least as long as I've been listening to Lin's Bin. I think I've been tortured long enough and deserve a picture of someone, anyone else with Lin Brehmer! Can't they find a pic of Lin with David Bowie or Lyle Lovett, hell, even Amy Winehouse would be a serious improvement. Okayokayokay, it's CHICAGO's finest rock. Maybe that cool guitarist from Cheap Trick, the one with the superloud (but yummy!) pizza restaurant in Wicker Park...Rick Nielson!"

"Cheap Trick is from Rockford."

"Cliff Johnson?"

"Oak Park."

"Ummm...Neko Case!"

"Transplant."

"CRAP! Technicalities! Billy Corgan is from Elk Grove Village. You're just being petty! Petty! Tom Petty!?? No, no, no, he's from Florida.... AHA! Ray Manczarek! He's from Chicago!"

"I'll get the camera, you arrange for Ray to come in from Cali when it's 7 degrees here."

"He'll understand how important this is."

XOXO,
JoJo

Emotional Whiplash, Part Deux

2009-01-19T19:06:00.006-06:00

So just FIVE DAYS AGO I posted about how I think that trailers for movies that I am really excited about seeing should use music by artists that I love in their trailers, and movies that will suck or that are about things that hold no interest for me WHATSOEVER should use music by Billy Corgan or Smashing Pumpkins:? I QUOTE MYSELF:

"All's I'm saying is, if they'd used...well, any song, really, by, say, Billy Corgan, for example, or Celine Dion, or Smashing Pumkins, or Barbra Streisand, or Brittany Spears or, I don't know, maybe, Zwan - I would have IMMEDIATELY hit "next" on my remote, thus sparing me the horrorshockanger of having one of my favorite running songs, "Heaven," tainted (albeit briefly! It's too good a song to hold a taint for long! And yes, Roland Burris, "taint" IS a word) by being associated with what promises to be a crappy film."

So, to prove once again that some force in the universe finds it hilarious to screw with me (I am NOT just paranoid! I'm NOT!), Shannon played me the trailer for the movie Watchmen, which may be the ONLY MOVIE I'm interested in seeing right now.

And the music....

I know this band.

And I whisper....

No.

No.

It couldn't be.

Do I really need to tell you?

The theme song?

It's the Smashing Pumpkins.

And you know what's worse? YOU KNOW WHAT'S WORSE???

I actually kind of don't hate it!

I think I just lost my mind. Bye bye! *giggle!*

If you need me, I'll be locked in the back bedroom of our apartment, smashing my head in a drawer repeatedly.

Transformers (TM) Clothing?

2009-01-16T15:13:00.014-06:00

I'm not writing this post to dis Jeanne Tripplehorn, in fact, I haven't seen anything she's been in (Even if we had HBO I doubt you'd ever catch me watching Big Love), but the dress she was wearing at a recent red carpet event made me wonder....

It made me wonder what was under that curtain! Like you pull a string hidden under her armpit and.....

VOILA!

Emotional Whiplash

2009-01-15T10:57:00.021-06:00

My biggest pet peeve of the winter is when people put their CRAP in the street to save "their" spots. I LOATHE these people.

LOOOOOOOAAAAAAAATTTTTHHHHHHHHE.

Shannon feels the same way (well, not exactly, he doesn't loathe the people, he just hates it when they put stuff out on the street. SO UNNEIGHBORLY!!!!)

This looks a LOT like the next block down from us, where I counted 6 spots saved with crap like this. Only two of those spots had actually been shovelled out.

This is one of the thousands of reasons our marriage works so well. It's, like, reason #2 between neither of us being a right-wing Republican and our shared love of walking up to 6 miles each way just for a really good cupcake. That's not to say we won't travel further for a really good cupcake, but if the a trip over 12 miles round trip, a second form of transport will be required to make up the difference. Like a train, or a bus, or (very rarely) a cab; or maybe in this weather, a sled pulled by Maine Coons dressed as reindeer!

Since moving in to our current abode, we have never had a problem on our block with people putting their garbage on the street to save themselves a spot. Why? Because Shannon shovels most of the block, both sides of the street (we live on a one-way). He's been out there 5 days so far this week, shoveling for up to 2&1/2 hours at a time. So when I pulled up yesterday to see a freaking CHAIR in a spot DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OUR BUILDING,

it was all I could do not to fling it through the front window of the neighbor I thought it belonged to. I. Was. LIVID. I mean, there were PLENTY of places for me to park in, don't get me wrong. It's not like I was being put out or anything. Besides, I have a shovel in my trunk so if it happened that all the shoveled spots had been taken, I'da shoveled myself a new one.

It was the principle. Shannon shoveled that spot and about 20 others. I helped briefly, and 3 or 4 others shoveled themselves out, but the majority of our block - including that spot the chair was so smugly squatting in - had been shoveled out by Shannon.

Which brings me to the chair. Some ABSOLUTE TOTAL SELFISH JERKASS BASTARD put a chair in one of the spots he'd shoveled out!

OMG! The NERVE! Then: the RAGE. I was shaking with it, I kid you not. I parked and forced myself to walk around the chair, thinking that if I moved it and someone else parked there, that jerk might just key their car or worse.

There has been quite a bit of vandalism and violence over street parking spaces in the winter in Chicago, even the rare shooting or shovel-to-the-head bashing. I did NOT want to be the reason some innocent commuter had their tires slashed. So I left the chair and stormed upstairs, GLARING at the door of the neighbor who I knew, I JUST KNEW, put that chair there.

(I was sore tempted to confront him, but what good would it do? "Hi, my name's Jo and I live upstairs? Maybe you've seen my husband shovelling for the better part of 5 days? Yeah, that's him! Oh, no! Your Guitar Hero playing isn't too loud...No I didn't even know you HAD a dog! Hey, cool boots! Aren't Keen's the BEST?? Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I think you're a total asshole for putting that chair out there, and I hope you die a horrible death. Bye-eeee!")

I went into our apartment, kicked off my boots, and realized that Shannon was outside shoveling. I could hear the scrape of the shovel on the street way down the block, which I'd missed because of my RAGE!!! (Hell, David Bowie could have come up to me and asked for directions to my apartment, explaining he was going there to perform a private concert for me and ButterNugget who was on her way over because we're such loyal fans, and I probably would have snapped the directions at him distractedly ("Yes, YES that one! The one I'm POINTING at! Now if you'll EXCUSE me...!") then slammed the door in his face as I walked up ahead of him.)

"What....just....happened?"

Shannon's probably working off his own anger, I thought. I decided to go find him, see if he needed anything, then maybe bake him some cookies or something. Something without milk as an ingredient. My mood would have curdled milk.

As I walked out the door I made a little jog to the right to kick over the damned chair.

I'd show that guy how angry I was! Before I got close, however, I ran into my upstairs neighbor who was walking away from the chair. A little more sharply than I'd intended, I asked if she was the one who put it there. I wouldn't want to bury the wrong person's car in all of the snow Shannon had shovelled after all.

Had to be sure. "HELL no." she said. "I HATE it when people do that! I actually took it and THREW it onto the grass, then I put it back because I thought maybe if someone else parked there, whoever put the chair there in the first place might do something to that person's car."

I immediately decided she was going to get some of those cookies. Hmmmm...maybe chocolate chip? I then wondered if my mood would affect milk chocolate...?

She asked if I thought I knew who did it. I told her, we both glared our neighbor's darkened front window before going our separate ways.

I tracked down Shannon and asked him if he needed anything, and he asked for a bottle of water so I started storming back to get it for him. On my way back I encountered our neighbor's daughter from across the hall. She was wearing a short-sleeved dress and ballet slippers - not very appropriate attire for a subzero evening! She had a message for me that couldn't wait for her to throw on a coat:

"That lady threw the chair we put out for you! I thought she was going to take your spot! We saved that spot for YOU!" Meanwhile, her grandmother threw open the window and called for me to "MOVE YOUR CAR BEFORE SHE COMES BACK! That's YOUR space!"

Apparently, this family had saved the spot for us, because Shannon had shovelled them out during the heaviest part of the snow. Their dog was sick and they were worried about him, so they wanted to be ready to go if they had to book it to the vet, and they were really grateful. I didn't move my car, but I did move the chair.

Guess who ELSE is getting cookies?

I think I owe some to the neighbor I'd blamed for the chair, too. He won't have any idea why, but that's a good thing.

Current Status: Happily Eating Humble Pie. With a big glass of fresh milk.

WAIT a Minute! YOU'RE Supposed to be "The Tool"

2009-01-14T15:05:00.004-06:00

From the NY Times:

"Citigroup, which is receiving more than $300 billion in bailout assistance, says that it is open to measures that would help homeowners.

“Citi shares this legislation’s goal to help distressed borrowers stay in their homes, and believes it will serve as an additional tool to the extensive home retention programs currently in place to help at-risk borrowers,” Vikram S. Pandit, the chief executive of Citigroup, wrote in a letter released Thursday night."

EXCUSE me? You get 300 BILLION dollars and you're "OPEN TO MEASURES?" What the HELL are you morons DOING??! You're supposed to be USING THE $300,000,000,000.00 - (Holy God! That's ELEVEN ZEROS following that three! I didn't know numbers went up that high! And that's not even THE HALF OF IT!) that you needed to help homeowners, to HELP HOMEOWNERS. What have you been doing with that money???

I think maybe a hell of a lot more accountability checks should have been implemented in this bailout. All's I'm saying. Makes me sick to think about all that blown money and ZERO (that's one zero or eleven. Adds up just the same) accountability.

Inspired By Butternugget

2009-01-14T13:43:00.014-06:00

I think that movies that I'll have no interest in, or, more pointedly, that I think will suck should use music that I hate in trailers. Conversely, movies that I will love should use music that I love. Butternugget noted that she experienced conflicting feelings whenever she saw the trailer for the movie Notorious. On the one hand, it was a movie she had no interest in seeing, but then, on the other hand, every time she saw the trailer, she got strangely excited about the movie. She finally realized her excitement had nothing to do with the movie and everything to do with the song they were playing in the trailer, "Notorious" by Duran Duran. Which I have posted here so she can listen to it free of The Notorious B.I.G.

I recently saw a trailer that used "Heaven" by Lamb as the catch music. Caught me! I thought, "LAMB! Awesome! Now I KNOW I'm going to LOVE THIS!" I sat back in giddy anticipation and was rewarded with a trailer for....now I don't remember the name of it, but from the trailer it looked like it may prove to be, like, the stupidest movie ever.

Okay, the stupidest movie ever - after Christopher Lambert's Beowulf, where many of the characters wear full head helmets. Brilliant in concept,

but not so brilliant in excecution. Evidenced in the fact that 99.9% of the cast is slaughtered by Grendel because THEY CAN'T SEE HIM.

If I'd seen the trailer for Beowulf BEFORE excitedly snatching the movie off the "New Releases" wall at the Park Ridge Blockbuster Video in 1999, I'm pretty sure I would have skipped it. And even if I had seen the trailer I may have been immune because why? NO LAMB IN THE TRAILER. Or Danny Elfman. I am a sucker for Danny Elfman. Hey, I saw The Flash and Darkman III only because he did the music. Which, as it turns out, was not really a good enough reason to waste those 4 hours of my life, but I was too scared of him to tell him so.

Okay, I just looked up the trailer on YouTube and I think if I had the tellie on "mute" I still would have been pretty clued in to the fact that Beowulf was to be. A Truly. Horrible. Movie.

But I digress. Back to the trailer for the movie I (blissfully) can't remember anything about.

All's I'm saying is, if they'd used...well, any song, really, by, say, Billy Corgan, for example, or Celine Dion, or Smashing Pumkins, or Barbra Streisand, or Brittany Spears or, I don't know, maybe, Zwan - I would have IMMEDIATELY hit "next" on my remote, thus sparing me the horrorshockanger of having one of my favorite running songs, "Heaven," tainted (albeit briefly! It's too good a song to hold a taint for long! And yes, Roland Burris, "taint" IS a word) by being associated with what promises to be a crappy film.

I'm going to put Lamb right here now, because I feel like it.

OMG. I just found an article on a so-called music Website listing the "50 Worst Artists In Music History" and they list Oingo Boingo as #16! Danny Elfman was the lead singer of Oingo Boingo. *fuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmme* In the words of Paul Thomas Anderson, (who based his screenplay on other words by Upton Sinclair...okay one other word by Upton Sinclair: Oil!): There Will Be Blood. Oh! Better yet, Oingo Boingo's "Imposter," a little ditty about music critics, was written for the likes of John Aizlewood, Clark Collis, J.D. Considine, John Harris, Howard Johnson, Rob Kemp, Daniel Krauss, Mat Snow and Jonah Weiner! To each and every one of you "You're head is firmly lodged way up your butt where it belongs."

View Out My Office Window

2009-01-14T09:28:00.002-06:00

Hope you had a fabulous time in LA, Rev! Welcome back! We saved you some snow.

Kazahk PM Tells Evan to "Get Blogging!"

2009-01-13T08:02:00.006-06:00

Kazakh Prime Minister Karim Masimov Monday told his ministers to start personal blogs to get them closer to the people of the former Soviet state.

"I have opened a blog on the government Website," Masimov said. "I order all ministers... to start personal blogs where people will be able to ask you questions that you must answer."

Masimov commended ministers who'd already set up their own blogs, but encourages bloggers like Evan to blog more frequently, stating, "That Blago idiot is old news at this point and he was impeached 4 days ago. You last wrote on January 1st - almost 2 weeks ago! Most people have already forgotten what their resolutions were, my friend. Hell, I resolved to pay closer attention to what my left eye was doing, especially when I'm on camera.

"It's like, see how my right eye is open and friendly, encouraging discussion like, like..."good cop!" and my left eye is eying you narrowly, like, like the "bad cop!" See what I mean? Well, you can see, obviously, because that picture was taken yesterday. See? I've already gone right back to December 31, 2008 habits.

"Time for some more current information! You think you're day-to-day is boring? NOTHING is boring to people who actually read blogs their ministers! ESPECIALLY those who read them with the intent of asking their ministers questions! And judging from the picture below....let's just say you probably lead a more interesting life than most of my other ministers. BLOG! NOW!"

Picture used totally without permission.

Evan was born in this country, but has a Kazakh relation. He was ordained by the Powers of the Webbernet as a minister in May of 2008. I leave it to you to determine what he is the minister of, exactly....

Eddie Izzard Challenges Russel Brand For Title

2009-01-08T15:17:00.013-06:00

of "Most Awesomely Kind-Hearted Comedian."

On Christmas Eve, Russell Brand gave £500 to a homeless man who was trying to make enough money to get home for Christmas.

Also over the holidays, Eddie Izzard performed for 90 minutes to a man who'd been seriously injured during the terrorist attacks in Mumbai in November. The man's father had written to Izzard asking him to send a note to his son, Will Pike, to cheer him up; and the next thing he knew Izzard was there himself, performing an entire stand-up show for Pike.

Pike had had tickets to see Izzard's performance, but had to miss it, so Eddie brought the show to him.

2008's race for the title is close, but I think Izzard wins it. As for 2009....who know's which comedian will claim the title? *all eyes turn to Paula Poundstone*

Damn. Now I want to see Valkyrie. Until now I had NO interest in seeing it, but now that I know Izzard is in it....

62 Years Old

2009-01-08T08:00:00.004-06:00

and you're still the total blam-blam.

Happy Birthday, David Bowie!

Katy Perry,

2009-01-07T13:26:00.013-06:00

You may have kissed a girl, you may have liked it,

But I'm pretty sure that girl has been gargling with bleach ever since, trying to forget.

I gotta tell you, if I'd been ever "gotten so brave/drink in hand/curious," and I found YOU the one chick in the bar attractive enough to kiss, red warning flags would have gone up all over the place. Not only would I never drink again, I would swear off of cold medicine and oysters; I would destroy any canisters of whipped cream, Aqua Net, and WD-40 I had in my home, car or office; I'd substitute Crayola for all of my Sharpies; and I would immediately seek out professional help.

ESPECIALLY if I'd found you attractive with one of your Amazon millipede fake eyelashes missing.

Ceiling Cat is Watching Mu

2009-01-05T12:14:00.010-06:00

Mu's New Years Resolution, Postscript"Next time I adopt a kitten, I should spend no time playing with it because it will make me break my resolutions."

Kittehs reactions?

Bianca:

Meeks:

Orangina and Oreo:

SnowPuff:

Aethelred:

Magellan:

Mu Blames Innocent Kittays for Earth's Evils

2009-01-02T14:13:00.004-06:00

...and uses them as an excuse for his own lack of willpower.

"I did great on [my resolutions] through June when the kittens showed up. That blew up my schedule, and I have not seemed to recover that schedule since then."

Shame! SHAME!!! Blamin' them kittays!?!?! I've posted your address with the Cheezburger Cat Network.

You Won't Be Making Any Of That $9999.00 Back From Me, Mr. (mor)Man.

2008-12-18T09:00:00.007-06:00

Note the car parked in front is NOT my wee Honda.

Alan Stock, the CEO of Cinemark donated $9999.00 to support Proposition 8. Now, we don't go to movies that often, but I'll tell you: when Watchmen comes out in March I won't be seeing it at the Century Landmark Theater in Evanston, or any other Cinemark theater for that matter.

Alas, Poor David! We Hope You're Well...

2008-12-17T11:01:00.005-06:00

....enough to finish the last four episodes of Doctor Who you promised us.

David Tennant just underwent surgery to correct a slipped disc. He had to pull out of the RSC production of Hamlet and now...now.... it seems he...it seems he....he might not *choke!*...be able to...*sob!!!* finishupthelastfourepisodes....*whimper!!!* as....THE DOCTOR!

*WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!*

David Tennant kisses us goodbye??!??

Well, the pain he was experiencing does explain Season 4 a bit, though. Let's just say...not the best season.

This is NOT my idea of "Christmas cheer." Or "happy holidays."

Best, Most Colorful Verbal Fight EVER:

2008-12-12T05:19:00.006-06:00

(Hey, some people put together Dream Teams, I dream up pairing off characters from different movies in different ways. It's my thing.)

John Malkovich in Burn After Reading

vs Ralph Feinnes in In Bruges.

Don't bring popcorn: you're mouth will be hanging open in shock from the first uttered syllable 'til one of em pulls out a gun and disqualifies himself.

Homeland Security Indeed! FEAR DA COUNTRY FULLA VAMPIRES!!!

2008-12-10T18:00:00.005-06:00

I was thrilled when I'd heard Obama had appointed Johnette Napolitano, lead singer of Concrete Blonde, Secretary of Homeland Security. Excellent choice! Her haunting, powerful voice would make any terrorist think twice before messing with HER country! Indeed, terrorists listening to the lyrics of "Bloodletting" or "Long Black Car" might think we were populated with vampires! Good! FEAR US!!!

She's also got the perfect look for the job. She can class it up for meetings with heads of state, or flash one of her kick-ass "don't mess with me!!!" tattoos.

Her tattoos are also a clear message to terrorists: "I can deal with needles piercing my skin constantly and repeatedly for hours at a time - I can certainly deal with YOU!"

And then I realized I'd missheard the announcement. Johnette Napolitano is working on a new album whereas Arizona governor Janet Napolitano received the Obamappointment.

I wonder if she has any tattoos? Or if she belts out "The Sky Is A Poisonous Garden" when driving to meetings with ObamEmmanuel? My confidence in Obama's choice would be complete if either were the case.

Despair, Inc. Takes A Jab At Us Bloggers

2008-12-10T12:37:00.007-06:00

Fine! Be that way, Despair, Inc.! But I notice you don't have a poster for Twitterers who have so much more to say to even fewer, because usually (maybe) only one other person knows what the heck the Twitterer is even talking about, or what Twittering even is! HA! I remain content with my two dedicated followers who gladly contact me when they don't know what the heck I'm talking about. Only, don't contact me about Twittering you two, because... I really don't get it. From what I can tell it's like IM-ing on your blog - including the indecipherable abbreviations that I REFUSE to learn - especially when the message wasn't meant for my eyes in the first place.

Those stupid abbreviations - they're an insult to my eyes! They're all over the Webbernet in the form of Twitters and IMs and even threads and wall posts on Facebook. For the record: if you can't take the time to write out a message, I don't take the time to read it. A bunch of grouped together lower-case letters could be the most brilliant thing EVER, the most concise answer to my query and all queries ever queried; or it could just be your pet marmoset was picking through your keyboard for crumbs.

Here's a tip: I ALWAYS go with the marmoset. Ever since I saw that one pee on Johnny Carson's head, I've had a soft spot for marmosets.

That was one of the funniest things I ever saw when I was 8. That and Ernie Kovacs' Nairobi Trio!

Hee! Crazy apes! ....But I digress from...something...where was I...?

Oh yes. Textybreviations.

"Abbreviations??" It takes me twenty times longer to get a feeling for what the heck you're writing to me in a text message, for example, than it would have you'd TYPED IN THE OTHER THREE LETTERS OF EACH WORD and completed the freaking sentence! "LOL?" Okay, I've seen it so often I get it. "SOS?" I'm on my way. "OU812?" Pretty great album when I was growing up. But beyond that I'm lost and after about 10 seconds of trying to decipher your encrypted code, I just don't care anymore and I delete the message or write back "?."

Or, I get pissed off and call you.

You do not want to receive that call.

I receive something like, I don't know, "%*@:-( ? 02 @TEOTD UR GR8 4 MTG @ SBX THX 4 NTS THO IBIWISI ^5 PROMO! JUADLAM!! BFFEEEE!!! (^~^~^~^~)." After all the effort you put in to obfuscating your message to that level, I will probably call you. You're all chirpy and twittery and cheerful, going about your business and you pick up the phone to hear my frustrated ass saying, without preamble, "WHAT THE HELL DID THAT EVEN MEAN??? NEXT TIME, JUST CALL ME!!!! Decipher THIS!: *#&^*&^%!!!!!" *slam!*

Okay, I've never done that, but trust me, the temptation has been great. And both of my brothers know not to text me in code.

I know I'm no grammar guru, I often like to make up words to convey stuff on my blog, but if I'm going to learn a new language it's going to be Spanish or German or Old English, not lazypoke'n'jab.

When A Picture Says A Thousand Words

2008-12-09T11:23:00.003-06:00

This one, to me, says "I tried to sell Obama's Senate seat and got busted by the Feds."

I'm still surprised he wasn't busted for lurking around the changing rooms at Fleet Feet.

"I Don't Know How You Came To Get The Betty Davis Knees,

2008-12-02T11:02:00.011-06:00

but worst of all young man you have Industrial Disease!"

I don't know how I lost track of this song for so many years, but it was like bumping into a friend I hadn't seen in ages when I heard Dire Straits "Industrial Disease" on the radio the other day. I immediately found it on my iPod and have listened to it repeatedly most of the way to and from work the past two days. The lyrics are very fun to sing along to in the car, you see! One of the best sing-along songs I've ever found. It's got a great beat for running and clever lyrics to boot!

"Industrial Disease" was on almost every running list I made from my freshman year on through the '90s, and Love Over Gold was one of my favorite albums all through high school. I discovered it, and Dire Straights/Mark Knopfler, through this clever song. It may be even more relevant today considering the state of the economy.

You can listen to it here while reading the lyrics below. Unfortunately, Dire Straits didn't produce a video for it to rival the one they did for "Money for Nothing." To quote Jareth* (as I do): "Such a pity." (*ButterNugget: Note that I linked to Jareth's Escher costume on what may be an addition to my "favorite blogs" list. You're welcome!)

Warning lights are flashing down at quality control
Somebody threw a spanner and they threw him in the hole
There's rumors in the loading bay and anger in the town
Somebody blew the whistle and the walls are coming down
There's a meeting in the boardroom, they're trying to trace the smell
There's leaking in the washroom, there's a sneak in personnel
Somewhere in the corridors someone was heard to sneeze
Goodness me, could this be Industrial Disease?

The caretaker was crucified for sleeping at his post
They're refusing to be pacified its him they blame the most
The watchdogs got rabies, the foreman's got fleas
And everyone's concerned about Industrial Disease.
There's panic on the switchboard, tongues are tied in knots
Some come out in sympathy, some come out in spots
Some blame the management and some the employees
And everybody knows its the Industrial Disease.

The work force is disgusted downs tools and walks
Innocence is injured, experience just talks
Everyone seeks damages and everyone agrees
That these are classic symptoms of a monetary squeeze
On ITV and BBC they talk about "The Curse"
Philosophy is useless, theology is worse
History boils over, there's an economics freeze
Sociologists invent words that mean "Industrial Disease"

Doctor Parkinson declared, "I'm not surprised to see you here
You've got smoker's cough from smoking, brewer's droop from drinking beer.
I don't know how you came to get the Betty Davis knees,
But worst of all young man you've got Industrial Disease!"
He wrote me a prescription he said, "You are depressed.
I'm glad you came to see me to get this off your chest.
Come back and see me later. Next patient, please!
Send in another victim of industrial disease."

I go down to Speakers' Corner and I'm thunderstruck
They've got free speech, tourists, police in trucks.
Two men say they're Jesus - one of them must be wrong
There's a protest singer he's singing a protest song, he says
"They wanna have a war to keep us on our knees!
They wanna have a war to keep their factories!
They wanna have a war to stop us buying Japanese!
They wanna have a war to stop Industrial Disease!"

"They're pointing out the enemy to keep you deaf and blind!
They wanna sap your energy, incarcerate your mind!
They give you Rule Brittania, gassy beer, Page Three,
Two weeks in Espana and Sunday striptease!"
Meanwhile the first Jesus says, "I'd cure it soon:
Abolish Monday mornings and Friday afternoons."
The other one's on a hunger strike, he's dying by degrees
How come Jesus gets Industrial Disease??

Is It Just Me,

2008-12-01T14:46:00.003-06:00

Or does Obama look like he's about to cry?? Did he think she'd refuse?? (o;

On the flip side, look at the cat that ate the canary there beside him.

This pic needs a caption. Or some dialogue.

I have to say I'm thrilled with Obama's pick of Rahm Emmanuel for Chief of Staff and Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State! I only named those two because they're the two I'm most familiar with - both being Illinoisans! I've always known that I was the center of the universe, now this new administration is FINALLY setting about proving it!

Jeff Richardson (Tina Fey's Husband) Told Vanity Fair He Was the "Joe Biden of Husbands"

2008-12-01T14:09:00.010-06:00

because he 's prone to "drop the bomb" in interviews. "I remember the biggest trouble I got into....Oh my god."

I read that article this morning.

This afternoon, as if to prove his point, he went and dropped a Joe Biden, telling Vanity Fair in A DIFFERENT INTERVIEW how his wife got the scar on her cheek. A horrible event she's been keeping to herself and from the media for years because it upsets her parents terribly every time they think about it. I know you can find out for yourself by doing a nanosecond search, but I feel...wrong posting a link. Out of curiosity several years ago, I went to find out how she'd gotten that scar only to find her quiet comment that she appreciated her fans' interest, but preferred to keep the topic private, knowing we'd understand.

Tina Fey was the best thing to happen to SNL since about 1986; and the most powerful ambassador for women in comedy since...maybe Katherine Hepburn.

OMG how lucky was SNL that she looks almost exactly like Sarah Palin??? Which is, incidentally, the only good thing I can say about Sarah Palin.

"There Are Three People In Love With You In The Chicagoland Area!"

2008-11-30T09:17:00.006-06:00

This is an ad I receive on Facebook every day. Oh, sure, the numbers change to grab my attention - sometimes only one person is in love with me, sometimes there are five (!!!) - but I've never been tempted to "Find Out Who!" because I know it's a marketing strategy to get my information for...something.

That is, I wasn't tempted to find out who until this morning.

This morning, there was a second (notsoSanta) clause:

"...And One Person Who Hates You!"

WHA....?

Now 3 people in love with me through Facebook is pretty average, but someone HATES me? Who? WHO COULD IT BE?? This is the first time I was ever tempted to "click here!" to "find out who!" It's totally James, isn't it? Did he say something to you? What do you mean, "Which James?" Does it MATTER which one? I'll bet they all hate me! Only one of them is bold enough to tell the entire Facebook universe so!

...Okay, I DID click to "find out who!" but I refuse to "enter [my] cellphone number." Hahaha *relieved laughter!* It was just a marketing ploy! Hahaha...Right? Just a ploy? Am I right? I'm right, aren't I? Haha...hmmm. I mean, there isn't really someone who actually signed into Facebook to tell the world s/he hates me, right? Oh, come ON!! FINE! I DRAW THE LINE, HATER!! You can just go on hating me in SECRET! Planning your plans and dreaming of ways to make me miserable! HA! (even if it's only for the fact that I won't give away my cell phone number to what I rationally KNOW is a marketing ploy,) I'll never know the depths of your hatred unless you face me!

And give me the opportunity to make it up to you, whatever it was I did?? Cookies maybe?? Soduko puzzles?? Dinkel's?? A letter written in my own blood???

Damned marketers.

Yawn Can't Scare Me!

2008-11-25T10:29:00.004-06:00

Ha, Reuters! You're too late! Isaac Asimov and Frederick Pohl had me freaking out about the possibility of a massive earthquake occurring in the midwest OVER 20 YEARS AGO. In fact, I was supposed to interview Isaac Asimov before their book Our Angry Earth was published for a college journalism class I was taking, but the interview fell through because he was ill. He died in 1992.

In the book, written in 1991, they warned the three of us who read it about things like global warming and improper farming techniques and the dangers of pumping water from the massive water table located directly above a major MAJOR faultline to supply the fountains and megahotels in the desert. Places like, say, Vegas. Which is in the desert. More recently, I got to view the beautiful lush grass and deep pools of Palm Springs, California. Which is also in the desert. If you like green grass, and you want a nice lawn, (to be said in Sam Kinison voice:) Move to where the WATER IS!!!!!

This book had a profound effect on me. I can't say I can recommend it because it scared the bejeesus out of me. Still does. If one of you had recommended it for my Halloween contest, you woulda won hands down. It scares me because UNSCRUPULOUS people with money who only want to make money and money and more money with no regard for anything else get away with doing a LOT of damage. And money is powerful. What the heck can I do about so much as shutting off the fountain at the Bellagio? You know, the one you can see from the plane as you fly overhead?

NOTHING. I can do NOTHING about it. THAT's why the book scared me so much. I can whimper and shake my fist and worry and care, and point to people who have no money and need water, and think about the damage the unfathomable damage a massive earthquake - that may have been avoided - could do to the midwest, and It. Gets. Me NOWHERE.

It's one thing to feel insignificant in comparison to the universe, but quite another to feel powerless and insignificant in the face of greed on your own pitiful little planet.

The fact that Vegas pretty much doubles in size every few years and continues to find new and stunning ways to waste massive quantities of water while concurrently tampering with the water table above the New Madrid fault sure keeps me cynical. Case and point: I'm doubtful that the human race has the brains to survive for another 100 years. (Pohl and Asimov gave us until about 2050, so I guess I'm an optimist compared to them). The EARTH will survive, certainly, but I dunno about us. Any time I start to believe in the human race because of the philanthropic efforts of wonderful and amazing people, it's offset by some moron with An Idea!!! for a hotel in the middle of the desert. Or an oil drill in Alaska. Or maybe mass-marketing the Hummer. Or nuclear weapons. Or, oh, I don't know, maybe feeding cow parts to cows to save a few bucks on cow food.

Frakk. I really should start meditating on a regular basis again. I'm no use to anyone with this attitude!

I think I'll cheer myself up with fellow cynic Sam Kinison as Professor Turguson in Back to School. Maybe he'll help distract me from how insignificant I am in the great scheme of things for a few minutes.

CrowMann

2008-11-19T13:37:00.005-06:00

So I was all sniggering to myself in the bathroom thinking of this brilliant post I was going to write comparing Sheryl Crow to Aimee Mann. You know how Tom Petty is sounding more and more like Bob Dylan every day? I was going to comment on how I believed Sheryl Crow was sounding more and more like Aimee Mann.

"(You've Got A Lot Of Money But You Can't Afford the) Freeway" was playing (for the 7th time today) through the piped in music that we can only hear (thankfully) in the lobby and bathrooms. The latter, I'm sure, to prevent us from lingering in there for too long. Increases work productivity when you don't hang out in the bathrooms because the music is redundant, soul-dampening, and uninspiring.

EXCEPT FOR TODAY! Today I was inspired. Oh, maybe not to do actual work, but I had a brilliant idea for a blog entry! See, I was CONVINCED that it was Sheryl Crow singing that "Freeway" song (you know where this is going), and I tell you she sounded EXACTLY LIKE Aimee Mann! HA! The female version of Petty/Dylan, but A) half a century younger and B) Crow had made the wise choice of emulating a singer WHOM YOU CAN ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND.

So I fire up Blogger, search out the song "Freeway" in the Webbersphere and....

Crap. It's Aimee Mann. It's Aimee Mann who sounds like Aimee Mann.

So now my coworker Wendy, who was in the bathroom at the same time I was in there chortling to myself, thinks I'm all insane for NO REASON. BLAST!!!

I think I was convinced it was Sheryl Crow because her stuff is more frequently played and, though I adore her because she looks alot like my friend LaLa, she's just not quite as awesome as Aimee Mann. LaLa, however, is more awesome than the two of them COMBINED when it comes to telling penguin-in-the-bathtub jokes.

But, wait....*horror dawns:* does,....does that mean Aimee Mann is sounding a bit like Sheryl Crow??? Judge for yourself:

Actually, it sounds much better here at my desk surrounded by ORANGE!!! and busywork than it did in the bathroom. Huh.

I'll definitely be listening to my Magnolia soundtrack on the way home from work tonight. Aimee Mann and Supertramp! What an awesome combination.

Confidential to Sarah Palin:

2008-11-18T15:49:00.002-06:00

Please just go away.

Blake (not really so) Lively

2008-11-12T14:25:00.012-06:00

So I saw this magazine cover featuring Blake Lively who, for the record, I don't know. I had to look her up in IMDB and found that she apparently only stars in crap chick flicks. Or crap and chick flicks. Whatever. For me they go hand in hand - most chick flicks are crap to me. I know, chicks everywhere will want my blood, but I have no interest in seeing Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood, Sex and the Sisters, CrossSisters, Sisters Waiting to Exhale, If These Sisters Could Talk, Desperately Seeking Sisters, Sisters Who've Never Been Kissed, Sisters in Seattle, When Harry Met Your Sister, Thelma and her Sister, Fried Green Sisters, or anything starring Julia Roberts.* Maybe I'm missing a gene, but most chick flicks make me want to barf. Or at the VERY least flip the channel to Grindhouse - Planet Terror or The Transporter 15 before the first sisterly tear can be shed in solidarity over, well, anything. Puh-LEEEEZE.

ANYWAY, I've heard the name, but I really have no idea who Blake Lively is. I've never seen her on the big or little screen. That said, here's her pic from W magazine:

Couple of things. First, she doesn't look the LEAST bit lively, so I think she should change her surname to "Blah" or "Boredwithlife" or "Yawn" or "Whatever" or "Huh." Next, she should maybe wear something that doesn't strangle her boobs. Third, where is her neck???

Finally, this pose is....

wrong.

But familiar.....

There's something very wrong with this picture. She looks all outta whack. Twisted all weird. Her shoulders....it looks almost like her arms have been reattached backwards....

I've seen this pose before.

Where??? WHERE have I seen this? Who is she emulating?

AH! I've got it!

Tour of New College.

Oxford.

March, 2000.

The chapel.

Statue of "Lazarus Rising" by Jacob Epstein:

Good on ya, Blake. You resemble a reanimated dead guy.

I stress again: you should seriously consider changing your surname.

(*for those who'd argue, yes, I do own My Best Friend's Wedding, but Rupert Everett is the ONLY reason to watch it.)

I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!!!(saber)

2008-11-10T19:41:00.011-06:00

So, okay, like, I wasn't going to get an iPhone. I had NO INTEREST in the iPhone. I mean, sure, it was cool, but Verizon didn't carry it and I didn't need it. I'd be happy to keep my iPod and my phone and my camera all separate, thank you very much indeed.

Then my awesome Motorola KRZR was murdered by the Roman brass helmet replica my parents had given me for Christmas 20+ years ago. Killed instantly. And I was without a phone.

In my line of work, I need a phone. In fact, I mainly used my phone for work - giving my docs a contact for if their planes came in late and they needed directions to meet us at the restaurant where we were holding our "Thank you!" dinner, calling the hotel shuttle to change the pickup time if things were moving along more quickly or slowly than anticipated, calling the hotel on my way home from dinner to make sure that the docs who hadn't shown up were tucked away safely in their rooms, etc. Sure, I made personal calls and appointments, but I'm not much of a chatter. My conversations are usually under 2 minutes (though Verizon (and I'm sure all other providers) always rounded up). My phone is a convenience, a way to quickly convey and receive information so that things run smoothly.

When the iPhone was first offered, I quickly dismissed it. I didn't need it. Period. Add to that the fact that I LOVE Verizon's service and had sworn off Cingular (now ATT) and the thing might as well not even exist. Not an option.

Then my cell phone was killed and it would cost over $200 to replace. My plan offers a new phone every two years, and I wasn't eligible until July. Well, I couldn't wait until July - I had a dinner that Sunday!

My first thought was that I would simply use Shannon's phone. He has used it outside of the home a total of....once. I think. He MAY have brought it out with him on one other occasion, but he was unaware of the fact. I threw it in his pannier so he'd have it if he needed it because the weather was supposed to turn, but the weather held and he returned home without knowing it was an accursed cell phone weighing down his ride with that extra 5 ounces. If he had needed it, he wouldn't have known it was there, so my putting it there was pretty pointless. To say Shannon has an aversion to cell phones would be like saying I could take or leave Billy Corgan. He LOATHES cell phones, almost as much as I loathe Corgan.

"Why don't you get an iPhone? I'll take you for one on Saturday."

"I don't need an iPhone - I just need a phone. I can use yours."

"Well, I'm not going to push you, but if you give me your iPod Touch, I'll get you an iPhone."

hmmmmm.....tempting....Still,

"Verizon's coverage is 100% better than Cingular's was." That's why I'd switched to Verizon in the first place - Cingular kept dropping calls I made from the apartment and the connections were sucky."

"They've improved the technology - you might not have that problem any more."

....Is that so? I'd dropped my Consumer Reports subscription because I was using it, like, once every 3 months so I couldn't check to be certain, but I was pretty sure that Verizon was still #1 in our area.

But Shannon loves that iPod Touch. While I use it on my infrequent business trips to write shortish emails, check the Webbernet, and watch downloaded flicks on the plane; Shannon uses it almost every single day.

I thought about it for about a day, called Verizon to find out how to get out of my contract, wrote them a heartfelt "THANK YOU!!" letter (I received the nicest response! Thank you, Shemeca!) and encouraged them to try to work with Apple so they could also carry the iPhone. Then, on Saturday, I actually had an iPhone.

Sure, from the get-go it was neat, but it took a few days to take hold. Now, just over a week later, I CAN'T IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT IT!!! I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!!

Jesus Jobs

The iPod Touch is awesome, but the phone is AMAZING. I mean, I can plot a route to drive and watch the little dot - representing me driving in my car - move along the roads within 100 feet of where I'm at! When I sync my iPhone to my little Mac laptop, it automatically opens iPhoto and asks if I'd like to download the photos I'd taken on the phone. Nice touch! Then there's the the app store, which is full of the most incredible downloads. My favorite is the Don't Fret guitar fret board that teaches you to play guitar. NOW I ONLY NEED A GUITAR!!!

I'm still having the same problems with the service as I had with Cingular - bad connections and dropped calls; but I've learned to switch from 3G to the EDGE network, and that seems to do the trick. Still not as clear as my Motorola, but an improvement over 3G.

This is the first time I've been like, "Oh, crap! I forgot my phone!" when I leave it anywhere. And I mean anywhere. Like, I leave it on my desk to grab a coffee in the cafeteria and I'm like, "Dang!! My phone!" Now, I've downloaded an app that takes my current location and maps out surrounding coffee shops in the area and I've been assured that the one in my building is the closest to my desk, but still! I left my phone on my desk!

I can't believe how much I love the thing. Seriously, there were times I'd leave my Motorola at work for a week and the only time I'd miss it was if I had a dinner meeting and was worried about a doc who hadn't checked in yet. But then I'd only have to walk to reception at the hotel and ask after I drove the other docs back from dinner, so I did find a way around actually needing a phone in that situation if I had to.

My coworker won an iPhone for completing a survey about a month ago and he still hasn't received it. So I love to go in to his office every single day and show him what he's missing. Yesterday it was the epocrates Rx drug database; today it was the lightsaber application. I've had that one for a few days and woulda shown him yesterday, but he saw me coming and booked on out to lunch...

I can't wait to whip that epocrates application out at a meeting "Let me just look up that interaction - Ah! Yes! That would be a problem. Let's rewrite that distractor." Hey, some people have delusions ofplaying lead guitar in front of millions of screaming fans, I have delusions of coming up with a drug-drug interaction faster than a neurologist from Mayo.

That said, if I start using that Don't Fret app now, I could be playing lead guitar in my own band by the next Lollapalooza! And no, Billy Corgan can NOT open for me.

For Orange Girl

2008-11-10T15:32:00.001-06:00

A picture of The World's Cutest Kittay and his ridiculous bunny feet!

"What's Something Someone Said To You Today?"

2008-11-03T15:09:00.003-06:00

It never fails. I'm at an improv show and the emcee asks the audience, "What's something someone said to you today?" and I've got NOTHIN'. Squat all.

Too bad I don't have a show to go to tonight, because I don't know when I'll ever have someone say anything like this to me again:

"I told her that if the test came back positive, I'd have to exhume her brother and his monkey."

Sweet Dreams!

2008-10-31T22:30:00.004-05:00

The Hand

2008-10-31T11:27:00.002-05:00

I'm totally going to see this movie about a hand transplant gone HORRIBLY WRONG!!!

I mean, that's if it's ever really made.

Oh wait! It kinda was, only the hand wasn't transplanted,

It was POSSESSED!

Tender Lumplings Everywhere, Life's No Fun Without a Good Scare

2008-10-31T09:40:00.003-05:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Now, I'm No Expert...

2008-10-30T09:40:00.005-05:00

Archeologists report unearthing the oldest Hebrew text ever found.

"The Bible says David, later to become the famed Jewish king, killed Goliath, a Philistine warrior, in a battle in the Valley of Elah, now the site of wineries and an Israeli satellite station."

Now, I'm no expert, but if any part of the text found on that pottery translates to the words "satellite station," I'm pretty sure you're dealing with a fake. Or maybe the text was written by Nostradamus?

Run, Fat Girl! Run!

2008-10-29T13:26:00.010-05:00

So yesterday marked the 27th meeting with my awesome personal trainer, Karen. It was supposed to be my last (12 sessions followed by 3 sessions followed by 12 sessions) because though I've made great progress in my form and endurance, my asthma is pretty well under control, I've experienced a decrease in the number of migraines I get any given monty, and I'm very rarely sick; my two major goals of losing weight and getting into a running routine remain unattained. My weight has not budged a bit since last year, which I guess is good I suppose as it had been creeping up steadily since I got married. "You're nesting!" my friend LeeBob told me a couple of years ago. "That's so sweet!!"

I've examined where I can cut costs during this time of economic uncertainty and have determined that Karen is indespensible. Both her and Shannon keep me positive, refuse to let me get down on myself, and never show the least bit of disappointment when I fail to make progress. Without getting too melancholy I can tell you that I have had YEARS of letting myself get so down that I can't see the light from the hole I crawled in through from above - a very safe but very lonely and sad place I can tell you. I think I still have my foot near the hole in case I need to make a quick escape - old habits die hard - but I'm wholly out of it now. Besides, I probably wouldn't fit.

Though I do miss the endless supply of Portillo's cheese fries I kept stashed in there. mmmmmmmmmmmmmcheeeeeeeeeeeeese friiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiesssss.....

It goes without saying that I loveloveLOVE to be home with Shannon, but there's no excuse for my not taking advantage of the multiple paths and running tracks that surround our home for an hour or so a day, maybe a bit more at the weekend. I have running gear for all seasons. My ORANGE!!! Asics running shoes - sold to me by Fleet Feet - are incredibly light and supportive and comfortable. I have a heart rate monitor and a Nike + chip. My 5+ hours "ORANGE!!!! Running Mix!!!" is loaded on three iPods - each of which is outfitted with a running clip of some sort. I spent several weeks compiling that running mix, carefully choosing songs from running playlists posted on the Webbersphere, listening to months upon months of backissues of IndieFeed and CB3 Radio Songs of the Day in order to find fresh new tunes to infuse into my tired old playlists; and, more recently, bellying up to the iTunes Genius Bar to see what songs I might like based on songs currently in my library.

I have. The most awesome. Playlist.

Which I have used exactly twice since I created it.

I'm not sure why I'm having such a hard time getting started. It's like I've hit The Wall before even getting out the door.

So I spoke with Karen about it and asked her how she keeps going, how she picks herself out of a slump or recovers after a break in her routine. (I imagine a break in Karen's routine would be, like, a month on a cruise ship. That might set her back, like, two days. The flu might set her back a week. On the other hand, hitting the "SNOOZE" button on my alarm clock ONCE resulting in a day skipped at the gym can set me back 3 and a half months.)

One excellent point she made is I tend to set my expectations too high. If I imagine myself running - and enjoying running - a marathon in 6 weeks, I'm probably not going to make much progress. Unlike Simon Pegg in Run, Fatboy! Run! I'd do best to set reasonable goals and think LONG TERM rather than my usual "Well! I ran three blocks today! I think I'll treat myself to a Starbucks, a Venti mocha, I think, and a 4-piece fried chicken meal at Popeye's to congratulate myself on a job well done!"

I. Cannot. Eat. Fried foods. Or ice cream. Or buttery stuff. Or cheese fries. I. Just. Can't. Even if I limit the portion size (which in itself is hard), there are some foods that simply make me gain weight, even if I only have them once in a while. I have gotten into the habit of slacking off at the weekend when I'm usually pretty good during the week. Eating whatever I want at the weekend can undo the entire week's progress and then I'm back at square one. [insert Elton John's song from The Lion King here]

Today is, how you say, not so busy at work so I've been catching up on my Runner's World magazine. Well, it's the October issue so I guess I'm not too far behind, though I think they've sent out issues through, like, April, 2009. I KNOW I have at least one or two more at home. On page 88 is a quote from a guy in Ohio by the name of Chris Beck:

"I've never regretted going for a run, but I have regretted skipping one."

I'm ALWAYS REGRETTING skipping a run. Or a trip to the gym. I have to stop regretting and (not to sound like a Nike ad, but all the same:) just do it. Even if I look like Simon Pegg did at the beginning of Run, Fatboy! Run! for a few weeks. Incidentally Karen loved that movie. I've recommended she see Brad Pitt's trainer character in Burn After Reading next.

This is SO ME, down to the "I'm RUNNING!" grin and the BOWIE!! shirt at the start of a run:

....1/2 block later:

Okay, you'd never catch me running in those shorts. I'm just a bit more modest. But one day I'd love to be able to wear one of those cute running skirts!

STONE THE WITCH CAR!!!

2008-10-29T08:37:00.006-05:00

So after I checked and triple checked that the oven was off, I hadn't left the ferret cage open, and I hadn't left the back door unlocked, the fridge open, or the water running in the kitchen sink (ah, the "I wonder if I...."s of OCD), I grabbed my coffee and walked to my car. As I approached I noticed a brick and a jaggedy piece of concrete lying in the street. I picked one up and went to toss it on the grass, out of the street, when I noticed the dings in my driver's side door. One of the rocks had hit the window, the other the door directly beneath.

Luckily, the glass in the window hadn't shattered. As I tossed the second chunk of debris onto the grass I wondered who I'd pissed off. I'm not exactly neighborly, but had I actively angered someone? Maybe the chick who always parks in the middle of the street to wait for the girl she gives a ride to every morning that I've honked at at least five times now because god FORBID she pull into the space 10 FEET AHEAD than wait directly in front of the building for several minutes at a time, honking repeatedly for her charge and leaving no room for me or anyone else to pull around? Hmmm...Doubt it. Maybe someone was being funny because of my wiccan license plate? "STONE THE WITCH!!! Hahaha!!!" Maybe.....

I came to the conclusion that my license plate was the cause of the stoning of my vehicle and drove to work vaguely thinking black thoughts directed at self-righteous so-called "good Christians." How many people have been killed and murdered by so called "good Christians" in the name of "RIGHT!"? I thought. How many innocent cars had to be dinged? I fumed and shook my fist at the sky and then put it back on the wheel as soon as I realized that my other fist was holding my coffee and I was now driving 60 MPH on the Edens with no hands on the wheel.

Okay, so they were more grey-ish thoughts. I really wasn't terribly upset. I thank my beloved Pseudopod in keeping me distracted from any potential dark brooding.

I don't care about the dings in my car, though I may have them sealed so they don't end up rusting out my door. I was thankful, though, that my window wasn't shattered. Indeed, the motor in the window has never run smoother!

When I arrived at work, my boss was talking with a couple of coworkers about the damage an elderly woman had caused to her car last week, so I mentioned the incident, and my theory on the "cause" - okay the cause was a fucktard asshole - my theory on the motive, then, that it was my wiccan license plate. As to be expected, my coworkers were horrified (one is on the phone with her son right now relaying the particulars - now the rock weighed over 20 pounds and the brick was aimed at my head as I walked to my car), and were far more concerned than I was. They immediately dismissed the license plate theory. One asked what the stickers on my car read, and I ticked them off, ending with the two Obama stickers.

"Ah." They all said in unison.

....Noooooooo.....

No.

No way.

??????

Tell me. It was. The license plate.

STINKWEEZILS!!!!

2008-10-27T05:52:00.013-05:00

FINALLY! I downloaded my pictures of the ferrets. There were about 46,017 pictures taken on the 10 terabyte card in my Canon Elph, and 46,011 of those were blurry unfocused messes of what might be teeth and fur.

Ferrets are not known for their quiet, photogenic demeanors. As soon as they see a camera they act as though a shotgun fulla buck shot is being pointed at them and do one of two things: 1) duck and weave like mad to get out of the line or fire; or 2) run right at the camera and try to wrest it from the wielder's grip, then haul it off backwards across the floor, then behind and underneath the nearest bureau or bookcase where they've hidden the rest of their (read: your) treasures. It would be a hilarious shot, them dragging the camera backwards across the floor at what they believe is breakneck speed but which is actually about 0.3 MPH - if, of course, you had a second camera being wielded by someone not trying to photograph the other ferret.

But I digress.

Ladies and gentlemen!

I proudly present:

NOSFERRETU!

(there's a groggy HaegTessa to his right)

Yes, it's official. I'm not going to ship the ferr-rats back to the breeder in an old Amazon box with no return address. I've grown terribly fond of Nosferretu, and Tessa has shown serious improvement the past few weeks. One day I may even handle her without wearing my puncture-proof safety gloves.

Here's Nos using Tessa as a stole to keep him all coooooozzzzzzyyyy:

Here's Nos using Tessa as a pillow. I'm really not sure what's going on with her body - it looks so freaky-weird here. She looks twice as long and all wavy-like....

AWWWW!!!!!

You can't tell because I took this shot from above, but Nos' head is actually resting on the floor of their cage here, to insure Tessa has plenty of room (Nos is just about 3 times her size!)

Brangelina received, what, $9 million for the first shots of the twins? I think I should get at least twice that. It's FAR easier to photograph beautiful people and their adorable milk-doped progeny than it is two sleek and spazzy ferrets!

Sooooooo Jealoussssssssss

2008-10-24T14:07:00.005-05:00

Here's a picture from the current Shimer in Oxford blog of Chronophage atop his Corpus Clock. It was taken by a student during a recent visit to Corpus Christi and the rest of beautiful(-but-not-quite-as-beautiful-as-Oxford!) Cambridge. The clock was unveiled by Stephen Hawking on 19 September.

I am so jealous of the students who are participating in the Shimer in Oxford program who got to go and see this! I wish it had been unveiled when I was there. Or that I was still there. Or that I would always be there... That's it! Shannon, pack up! Have you seen how strong the dollar is in England right now??!! $1.59??!?! OMG!!!

You can watch Dr. John Taylor explain his gorgeous timepiece and it's dedication to John Harrison's "grasshopper escapement" here:

In Light Of the Financial Crisis, A NOTE TO EVERYONE:

2008-10-10T11:37:00.006-05:00

DO NOT BE THIS GUY.

Settle down. Refocus. And in the words of the wise and wonderful Douglas Adams, DON'T PANIC.

This weekend:

Turn off the news.
List at least 10 things (yes, you can count people as things) you really really love.
List at least 10 things you want to do/accomplish in the future.
GET OUTSIDE. Go for a walk or a bike ride.
Meet a friend or a group of friends for a dessert or a beer at a new place you've been interested in trying.
Watch a favorite movie.
Touch up your resume. Look at how valuable you are to your company!
Make something with pumpkin. Or with sweet potato. (Forego the torch on the sweet potato creme brulee if you're really strung out.)
START THAT BOOK!
Make someone laugh. Really hard.

When you're feeling calm, look at your investments. LEAVE. YOUR STOCKS. ALONE. Selling them now WILL NOT HELP YOU. In fact, buy more stocks if you can. For serious. Invest more in your 401K if you can. Buy real estate if you can. It is a buyer's market, and yanking your stocks at 1/4 what you paid for them or cashing out your retirement plan at a 60% loss is not only a bad move in light of the market situation, IT'S A BAD MOVE FOR YOU. Donate to charities you believe in if you can - a lot of people are going to see donations as an expense they can't afford, and these charities will need you more than ever. On the flip side, look at what you spend and see where you're spending on what you don't need. I, for example, am FINALLY starting to cook more at home, and I'm finding that what I used to see as a huge waste of time (trained by my mom, it takes me far longer to cook than most people namely: Shannon), is now a relaxing and fun project with something tasty to show for all the work. Get started HERE.

Trick, Right? This is a Trick? Tell Me This Is A Trick.

2008-10-08T15:43:00.006-05:00

I do love me a good caramel apple, so when I saw this beauty on the Williams-Sonoma Website I was tempted (ha ha! - get it?) to order one. That was after I found they didn't offer the recipe so I could make it myself.

OMG that looks great, right? YUM! But $22.50?? For ONE?? Come ON!

I think I'll just spend 10 bucks at Dominicks and buy the ingredients to make a dozen of my own, thanks. Jeez.

That is NOT Lucciano Pavaratti

2008-10-08T14:06:00.007-05:00

Eric Cutler and Nathan Gunn in The Lyric Opera of Chicago's rendition of The Pearl Fishers. Oh, and Nicole Cabell.

If opera looked like this when I was a teenager, my mom would have had far more success in turning me on to it. Or opera would have had more success in turning me on. Or something. I can't concentrate - I'm too busy trying to count the six-packs up there.

Seriously, I was under the impression that really, truly excellent opera singers had to be in the plus sizes, or even the plus plus sizes. Remember the bodysuit debacle with Deborah Voight's Salome?

Whatever. Voight is amazing.

For my male audience member, it's not just the tenors who've gotten tastier the past few years. Playboy even has a list of the hottest female classical musicians, three of whom are opera-singin' sopranos (one of my committee members is particularly smitten with Anna Natrebko). and Here's a pic of Renee Fleming as Rusalka from Dvorak's opera of the same name:

An ORANGE!!! In Every Bag

2008-10-07T06:05:00.008-05:00

When one of our bags ripped, Shannon asked Eevam to reinforce two Co-op bags we'd brought home from England that we try to remember to take with us whenever we shop so as to cut down on plastic baggage.

She did a beautiful job (THANK YOU!!) and mine came back with a little wee touch of tie-dyed ORANGE!!!

Let's just say I rarely forget it now. (o:

Countdown to Raleigh

2008-10-07T05:58:00.002-05:00

I'll be arriving in Raleigh a week from tomorrow, and I'll be wearing Naomi-friendly shoes:

Shannon spotted these for me at a Payless. Check out the skulls!! So very timely.

Oh, GROSS! What's That On My Window? Oh, BLARG!!!

2008-10-07T05:54:00.002-05:00

(Car wash on Western Ave. that I will probably not be patronizing.)

First Installment of "Halloween Decoration or Posted Delicacy?"

2008-10-07T05:48:00.003-05:00

We were wandering by Sticky Rice on Western....

....when we noticed a sign in the window, taped underneath the menu:

Fried worms are there, you say? Ah! Darn it! I just went off fried foods until I get my weight down.

Anyone Missing a Pet Squirrel?

2008-10-07T05:38:00.002-05:00

We saw this guy on our way to a friend's party a few weeks ago. No, that's not really a tag, it's a milk ring around his neck.

He appears to have reached his full size so the ring won't end up strangling him, but this was a pretty startling reminder that any tiny bit of discarded trash can have an impact.

That said, I've named him Chuggers.

I really hope that this does not become a trend, like, I hope mamma squirrels don't start putting milk rings around their baby girls' necks to keep them petite.

Man I think weird before 6AM. Mayhap I should have opted for that extra hours' sleep...

Not To Get TOO Sappy...

2008-10-02T07:59:00.007-05:00

this is a fantastic song, and it may be the best love song I've heard in at least the past 5 years (sorry, Coldplay). I heard it on the CBC "Best of 2007" (yeah, I'm a little behind) podcast. It was voted "best Canadian song of 2007:

Great Lake Swimmers - "Changing Colours"

See what I did there??? I changed the colours! One for the band Website and one for the song on last.fm (which is, incidentally, one of my favorite Websites at the moment).

I love how each line in the chorus ends with a quietly breathed "too," stressing that whatever happens, whatever you go through, we're in this together.

Third Annual Scare the Bejeebus Outta OrangeMoJoJo Contest

2008-10-01T15:53:00.018-05:00

Now, I just know I saw you around here somewhere...

AH! THERE you are!

I'm so glad you're here. You see, I require some assistance, and it's not going to be easy.

In October of every year since I've started this blog, I've asked for suggestions for scary books to read throughout the month.

Because Halloween is my favorite month. It just makes me happy. And nothing pleases me more than a good scary story.

Unfortunately, I find I'm running shorter and shorter of good scary ones. Maybe the good authors, Hawthorne, Poe, Stevenson, are busy doing other things...?

As always, the stories you suggest don't have to be traditional horror stories, in fact, it's likely I might have read them if they were.

They can be true crime stories,

or stories about psychopaths...

Stories about creepy figurines

Whatever you think will creep me out, for whatever reason.

I've provided a list below of books and stories that are disqualified because I've read them already. That means this this year you're going to have to get even more creative.

But there's no pressure. It's just a little contest.

And the winner gets treats!

LAST YEAR'S WINNER (PapaSchuetter):
The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty

2006 WINNER (Chuffed):
The House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski

OrangeMoJoJo's List of Banned ('cuz I've read 'em) Books:

The Amityville Horror by Jay Anson
Anything by Nathanial Hawthorne
Anything by Stephen King
Anything by Robert McCammon
Anything by Edgar Allen Poe
Battle Royale by Koushun Takami
"Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde" by Robert Louis Stevenson
Dracula by Bram Stroker
In Cold Blood and "Miriam" by Truman Capote
The Family by Ed Sanders
Ghost Story by Peter Straub
The Keep by Paul Wilson
The Keeper by Sarah Langan
"The Monkey's Paw" by W.W. Jacobs
The Omen by David Seltzer
Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier
Rosemary's Baby by Ira Levin
The Ruins by Scott Smith
Seven Gothic Tales by Isak Dineson
Shadowland by Peter Straub
The Trial by Franz Kafka
The Turn of the Screw by Henry James
Weiland by Charles Brockden Brown
The Woman in White by Wilke Collins

I apologize. I didn't mean to barge in here like a nurse outta hell, I know you're busy.

but if you could get back to me before October 20, I would be eternally grateful!

Two "WHAT THE??!?!??" Moments, One Short Evening

2008-10-01T14:33:00.009-05:00

We watched Run Fatboy Run and an episode of The Office (season 4) last night, and each evoked a total ".....HEY!!!" moment outta OrangeMoJoJo

I had high hopes for Run Fatboy Run, and was not disappointed. Simon Pegg stars in it, and as I loved him in Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz - both of which are hilarious - I had high hopes for Fatboy. Shannon and I saw Shaun of the Dead together before we officially started dating (though I was totally mad about him. Good choice, on my part, inviting him to a comedy film where my "giggling manic idiocy" was overlooked as simply "enjoying the film....Alot.") For some reason I'd assumed Shaun was directed by Simon Pegg, so I naturally thought Fatboy was as well. Turned out I was wrong on both counts! Sure, he WROTE or co-wrote them both, as well as Hot Fuzz;

but David Schwimmer directed Run Fatboy Run.

DAVID SCHWIMMER?!??! Whiny, annoying "Ross" from Friends?? I tell you what, next time he directs at his LookingGlass Theatre I am NOT missing it.

Schwimmer with Run Fatboy Run costar Thandie Newton

My second "No WAY!!!" experience occurred during the episode "Local Ad" on The Office. Now, I've been pleased to see Darryl's character more and more frequently because he cracks me up. But yesterday we were watching as he and some of the other employees were coming up with an ad jingle for Dunder Mifflin. There were three or four employees standing around Darryl, who was sitting behind little electronic keyboard.

And it HIT me! I KNOW THAT GUY!!! That's Craig from my Second City class! He was one of the most unbelievably talented people I've ever met, and a fantastic friend. Never tried for a laugh, was always supportive, always sincere, always calm. He was usually late, too, which totally pissed us off not because he was throwing off our class time but because he was so talented he didn't need the classes. He'd breeze in, be brilliant, and breeze on out again.

Craig Robinson

Craig encouraged me to try doing some open mikes at The Cue Club back in the 90's. I never did - I was terrified - and he never pushed me on stage. Though I never made it past the third row of tables where I had a clear view of the stage, he went himself, calmly and assuredly. They'd introduce him as he strode to the stage and took his place....

...behind an electronic keyboard.

It was such a shock, seeing that familiar tilt of the head as Darryl started playing the keyboard and singing the Dunder Mifflin jingle to realize OH. MY. GOD. That's Craig!!! There was never any doubt that he'd have a career in comedy, and he worked so extremely hard to get to where he is. I don't mean the "breezing through classes at the old SC" part, I mean the "emceeing at Zanies, doing stand-up wherever he could get a gig, and taking any job to get more acting experience" part. DANG!!! SO awesome!!!

Song(s) For The Day

2008-09-30T07:42:00.010-05:00

I've been listening to IndieFeed and the CBC Radio 3 Top 30 Countdown and Song of the Day podcasts on my way to and from work (in between episodes of Pseudopod, Wait, Wait! Don't Tell Me! and Car Talk, of course), trying to find new music to freshen up my stale playlists. I jot down the songs with potential and look 'em up on YouTube and LastFm when I have time (usually within 5 minutes of arriving at the office). I've heard quite a bit of great stuff, and wanted to pass on five of them. Just 'cuz!

First is a song I heard today, and would have missed had I known how to fast forward on my new 3RD ANNIVERSARY!!! car stereo (I'm so freaking spoiled!). I listen for catchy music first, lyrics second. This one, "Good Days" by the FemBots, has a positive message, "life is good," wrapped in a melancholy tune:

“All you Christian soldiers
You got it wrong
‘Cause life is good
Life is good.
And all you Muslim martyrs
You got it wrong
‘Cause life is good
Life is good.”

And THIS one is just the opposite: a melancholy, borderline morbid song wrapped in a catchy little tune. My favorite song on this list: Chad VanGaalen's "Willow Tree"

"When I die....
Take my body
Put it in a boat
Light it on fire
Send it out to sea"

Now THAT's my idea of a sendoff!

These two are catchy and folk-y and fun; in that order:

The Acorn - "Crooked Legs" and

Human Highway - "The Sound" which has a cute video to go with it:

And finally, for some even more silly fun,
Mother Mother - "Polynesia"

"I caught a mermaid looking right at me
I said, "Hey, baby, why don't you come up top?
You could flip-flop
While we cruise the Florida Keys!"

Great, catchy mindless running song.

I hope you enjoy these! Please send along any new stuff you've been listening to and loving.

Says Alot About A Girl....

2008-09-29T13:02:00.007-05:00

....when she sees a shot of a celebrity and immediately looks past said celebrity at the house in the background, then returns to the celebrity and finds out who she is only so she can use her as a vantage point to figure out where they are:

That building looks all England-y! And the fact that she's wearing red plaid pants and STILL looks like a stick makes me think it's Kate Moss...one sec, let me verify....Yes! It is! It IS England!

Side note: If I wore red plaid pants entire zip codes would be blotted, not just a single license plate, so kudos to your productive cocaine habit. End side note.

I wish she'd move her skinny butt so I could get a glimpse of the license plate and more of the building behind her. OUTTA THE WAY, MOSS!!! There's something interesting behind you!!!

Are Those 10-Sided Dies He's Rolling at 3:55?!?!

2008-09-26T08:43:00.005-05:00

They ARE!!!

Stephen Colbert proves that even the biggest geeks and nerds can grow up to be the most popular people on the planet. My favorite is the bit about the hadron collider about 3 minutes in, but this THREAT WATCH! countdown is pretty darned solid all the way through!

Killer Shoes

2008-09-25T16:00:00.011-05:00

Rihanna was spotted out and about wearing the dreaded Spider Eating Hornet Shoes I'd posted about earlier. Well, it's good she's getting some wear out of them - they weren't cheap - but I really wish she'd donate them to the Arachnid & Insect house of the San Diego Zoo, or .... whereever they display arachnids and insects. Outside of Chicago. Far FAR from Chicago.

*Shudder!!!* EEW!!

But there is a picture of celebrity shoes I find even more terrifying.

Let me get this out in the open - I LOATHE Crocs. They are ugly. Hideous. I hate them so much, I EVEN HATE THE ORANGE ONES - THAT's how awful they are. They are a blight. Unless you're a nurse who's always running the risk of being splashed with bodily fluids and needs a shoe you can wash off and wear again, I will moc your Crocs. I understand incinerating a pair of shoes after a single wearing gets pricey and starts to cut into your so I cut you nurses some slack. I'll also cut those of you who wear them in the garden AND ONLY THE GARDEN some slack for the same reasons (only, replace "bodily fluids" with "mulch, dirt, and manure")

But I will NOT cut the president of the United States any slack.

Man I hope you're waving "It's not what it looks like! I have a day job as a nurse where I actually do useful stuff!!" because Crocs on you, Mr. Man, is unacceptable. OMG, what happened to the days where presidents had, oh, I don't know, social grace, class and HALF A SHRED OF SELF RESPECT??

And who are you playing footsie with?? What kind of sicko has a Croc fetish???

Are those Presidential Seal socks??
Could there BE a bigger faux pas than wearing Presidential Seal socks with Crocs??